How It Feels To Want Part 1 isseys Road Series
by Burntsugrr
Summary: Glee kids take it on the road, and an original character is brought in as a vocal coach who develops very special relationships with Darren and Chris. This is NOT a Crisscolfer fic even though they are the main characters in addition to the OC.
1. Chapter 1

"It's a week away!" Isabelle pushed her hair from her face and scowled at her phone.

"That's why I called you. I don't know anyone who could pull this together as quickly as you." Jim could be a pain in the ass but he was a good manager.

"Flattery, as you are well aware, will get you nowhere."

"The money is insane. They need this to be perfect."

She slid deeper into her couch cushions, "Don't insult me. You know I don't care about that. Tell me who the band is."

"Can't, its hush hush."

"Then, no. Look, I just finished a five month babysitting job, I'm exhausted, there's like, two bands in the universe I'd do this for right now and I know neither of them are touring."

"It's not really so much a band."

Isabelle couldn't pretend not to be intrigued. "So let me get this straight – there is a tour starting, in a week, and certain members of this…group…aren't going to be ready, vocally, in time. Not a band, so what? A musical? Is this like a touring Broadway show that had a lead drop at the last minute?"

Isabella's brain was like a rolodex. If it was happening on a stage or in a sound booth she knew about it. She was a vocal coach, and stage doctor for some of the biggest names in the business. Sometimes she would come in and just get someone past a hitch for a particular song, but most often she was paid to put together high value productions. She worked best when she could take an artists songs, memorize them, deconstruct them so that she knew them better than the folks who wrote them and then build a show from the ground up.

Depending on the artist, and the money men she then either prepped everyone to her vision and left, or stayed with the tour for the duration, cleaning up issues and building new moments in for repeat viewers. In the age of You Tube most artists requested she stay on and change things up to keep them fresh.

"Not quite Broadway, but you're getting warm."

"There has to be someone else for this Jim. I'm beat and I'm starting to get the distinct feeling we're dealing with kids here."

Drunks, drug addicts, sex addicts, she could deal with all of this, it came with the territory, but the big money tours lately were kids in their teens and very early twenties that made her feel way more like the nanny than a consultant.

"Issy I'm gonna be completely honest. This is huge. They have an entourage bigger than I've seen. There's a choreographer so you don't have to deal with that. There are at least 7 A.D.'s on this tour for fuck's sake. No one dropped out, no one added in, these guys are working close to 12 months a year and they know you can do this in a week and they also don't expect anyone to say no to them."

She closed her eyes and moaned. "Shit Jim, you want me to do Glee."

He cleared his throat but said nothing.

"They have a set list?"

"A framework."

"They have a set?"

"Don't know."

"Rehearsal time? Space?"

"Working on it."

"Shit, Jim."

"You love Vegas."

"I fucking hate Vegas." There was a long pause. "Tell them I need the One 80 Suite at the Red Rock, a copy of all of the DVD's and CD's and their three worst cases by noon tomorrow. Oh, and whoever the choreographer is and the head dick on the phone within the next hour or I really will say no."

"I love you."

"I'm not kidding. All of it. Or no. I just booked a flight for tomorrow. Damn, didn't pay for the cable bill," she was busy now, already in work mode. She'd bought tickets on her cell while talking on her landline and started flicked the tv to search on demand for Glee. "Get the DVD's messengered over now."

"It's 9:30PM."

"Jim." Her voice a simple warning.

"You want a pizza with that?"

"And beer. My place is completely devoid of anything useful. I haven't even been home for three hours."

12:30 AM. Isabella is pacing her living room like a caged puma talking quickly in the direction of the giant speakerphone on her coffee table. Jim says the thing scares him, like something from Star Trek that will beam him up to another planet if he hits a wrong button. The frazzled voices joining her were those of Zach the choreographer and Ryan, the co-creator and director of the show. The only light in the room is the TV, flickering with scenes from the show.

She had an idea now of the major songs that had to be included, the overall vibe Ryan wanted for the show and now she was trying to put faces to character names. To make life easier until she got to know the cast Ryan and Zach were calling people only by character names.

"So tomorrow I get…"

"Blaine, and I'll take Artie, his vocals are solid but we have to work on the wheelchair choreography to keep him interested but not over winded." Zach was obviously making notes.

"They're going to do tracks, yes?" [Soft Break]

"They'll have too, this is too much choreography for full live mikes."

"And when will we be recording these tracks?"

"Wednesday, Thursday."

"Show's Friday."

"They're used to the pace."

"They aren't used to me."

Ryan popped in and out of the conversation, he too was heavy in work mode, multitasking as if he were born with a phone attached to each ear. "Isabella I got your suite, I didn't think to ask for a piano, hang on, I'll get them back."

"Don't bother, if you booked in my name they'll have the piano right where I like it. So I've got Blaine day one, then day two what?"

"Still Blaine, he's got…challenges. If I can I'll get Kurt out to you by the end of day two."

"Don't get Blaine a room until I have two of them. There are two rooms in the suite and I'd rather he not be able to hide from me."

Everyone laughed in recognition. Issy had a reputation for being a hard ass. People frequently cried at her rehearsals but the shows were flawless.

"So talk to me for a quick second about this Blaine/Kurt thing. Are we avoiding the gay theme or pushing it?"

"We're doing a Gaga tribute."

"Hmmm, yummy. These boys have no idea the playground I'm building for them in my head."

She could hear the smile in Ryan's voice, "Me too, Issey, me too."


	2. Chapter 2

Issey gave her name to the new girl behind the check in desk but Jacob the manager heard her voice and came out from his office. "So good to have you back with us Ms. Mooney. I have your room key right here. The suite should be as you like it, if you require anything Clarissa is your butler this afternoon, Marianna will take over at 8." As he spoke he took her rolling bag from her hand and walked to the elevator, swiping the room key to allow them to access the specialty floor. "Your young man has already arrived."

Issey always took the One 80 Suite at the Red Rock. It was 20 minutes away from the Vegas strip which made for a beautiful view but no immediate distractions for her clients. The place was huge, designed for entertaining large groups, important not so much because she normally had so many clients at the same time, but more because the space allowed her to make a large amount of noise without disturbing other patrons of the hotel. She loved the balcony which wrapped around the building and had views of the Red Rock Canyons, spectacular in early morning, and of the Vegas Strip, best at night. It had a hot tub she had never used, a rotating sofa that she tried to ignore, and a day bed that she frequently sat in and listened to clients while staring out over the city. She always had the piano placed on the balcony because she loved working outside, and even if the heat was sometimes stifling it was easier to warm vocal chords this way than in the canned, frigid hotel air. She also loved the textures of the rooms, buttery leathers, faux fur lined walls and more. It was a visual and physical landscape that inspired her. It was also $15,000 a night, but money never concerned her.

Inside the suite she tipped Jacob and went to the kitchen to check that the lemons were in water at room temperature, losing her shoes under the sofa along the way. Presumably the music she could hear was being created by "Blaine" at the piano. He had talent; the playing gave her more hope than the video had. Ryan told her that Blaine's was the highest selling single they'd had with Glee but when she listened the song was clearly not in his vocal range. This was the main, though not the only reason, he was getting special attention.

She was not surprised he was early. She knew Blaine was a character but you could smell the community theater coming directly through the television. He was too eager, needed to be reeled in, taught to create subtle performances. Aside from that the fact that he was kind of slick looking, gelled hair, and very clean cut and preppy worried her. She could usually tell, the grungier the artist the readier they were to work on sound, the prettier the readier they were to be seen, not heard.

She took a deep breath and slid the door to the balcony open, enjoying the feeling of hot desert air on her skin. The music stopped and a bearded, barefoot dude with an impressive mess of curly hair turned to smile at her. His eyes were sparkling and interested but other than that there was no trace of the preppy puppy she expected.

"Hi, I'm Isabella, nice to meet you. You play beautifully."

He hit a few keys, embarrassed. "Oh, I was just, y'know…"

"Have you run any vocal scales yet?" Best to get to work right away, there was very little time to get a lot of work done and she found it was generally best to set the tone quickly.

"Not yet, wasn't sure when you'd get here."

She grabbed her laptop and looked longingly at the day bed, in the past 5 days she'd had a total of 10 hours sleep. She just wanted to sit somewhere she could be comfortable. He was already at the piano, where she would have gone automatically so she took the chance, "Are you okay on your own for scales or do you want me to come play for you?"

"I got it; you look like a multi-tasker." He smirked and she decided she liked this guy. "Straight scales or do you want fancy?"

It was Issey's turn to smirk, "Start slow boy. We'll get to fancy, when and if I think you're ready."

"Oh, if." He laughed and turned back to the piano.

She cruised posts on Tumblr; it was a great way to take the pulse of any fandom. You can talk to artists, writers, and producers all day but if you really want to build a successful show you listen at least in part to the fans, they will always guide you where you need to be.

So engrossed was she in her reading she didn't realize Darren had been singing sentences to her as conversational scales. "This is the most ah-may-zing place I have ev-er seen." He breathed out the word/notes staccato.

"It's big enough to rehearse everyone together." Issey responded without looking up.

"Thank you for let- ting me stay here while we work." His down scale.

"You're welcome. It would be a waste not to use the extra bedroom and I'll be working you well into the night."

He started another ascending scale. "That sounds di – ir - ir- ty"

"You wish, and stop it, you can go much lower. You're getting lazy."

He stopped for a belly laugh, and then began his scales much lower.

"You wish" is what she said, "I wish" is what she thought. Issey didn't mess around with people she worked with. It wasn't always easy because when you work as closely as she did with people you tended to develop bonds. Her attraction to artists was what drew her to her job in the first place but she learned a long time ago that her reputation was her paycheck and she needed to protect that.

This is not to say she didn't slip up, it was hard not to when the only people you have time to meet are people you work with. When she did digress from the plan it was almost never more than a sloppy drunken make out on the last night of a tour. She learned early on that reputation and paycheck were very closely tied in this business and that was enough to keep her libido in check.

This kid though, was gonna make it difficult. She liked his easy humor, and the fact that he looked a mess. She was a careful, disciplined person. She rarely drank beyond a glass of wine and unlike many people on the road avoided drugs completely but when she watched Darren at the piano, the red rocks of the canyon in the background, there was a part of her that wanted to get high and have sex outside at some music festival in the desert with him.

She laughed at her own vivid imagination, always throwing scenarios at her that she would never act on and retrained her mind to the task at hand. She had left him running scales for over an hour; it was time to rest him and get to know him. It was part of her process to get inside the heads of her clients, finding what motivated them helped her to keep them on point when distractions on the road made them sloppy.

"Okay, take a break, let's go inside and get you some water."

They settled in the sitting room, she pulled up his EP from her IPod and put it on the wall speakers playing low. "Tell me your story."

He lifted the glass to his lips and looked at her over the rim, his wild curls falling into h is eyes "I'm frenetic. I work all the time. I write, I sing, I play, I don't sleep. There's just too much inside me that needs to be let out and not enough hours in the day."

"What feels better, finishing a song or playing it for someone?"

It's a loaded question and one of her favorites. Either answer told her a wealth of information about the person she was dealing with but no one had ever answered the way Darren did.

"Interesting. Trying to get inside my head. You're more than a vocal coach huh?"

"You're the first artist to ever turn the question back on me. You think of yourself more as an actor than a musician?"

"You think of yourself more as a psychologist than a coach."

He smiled a wide genuine smile that made the edges of his eyes crinkle which made him look wise beyond his years. This one was fun to play with, too smart for her usual tricks, she'd have to really step up her game for him.

"You scared to be analyzed?"

He opened his arms, "I'm an open book. Ask me anything." He sipped his tea with a smirk, his eyes dancing.

"Do you flirt with everyone this aggressively?"

"You think I'm flirting with you?"

"I know you're flirting with me. Answer the question."

"I flirt, yes. It's not usually this much fun, but yes, I flirt with everyone."

"Good. That will help. What have you done for theater?"

The switch of her tone from flirtatious to all business threw him a little and he straightened in his seat.

"Stuff I wrote mostly. I mean, I did stuff with school, my degree is in acting…"

She cut him off, "So you do think of yourself more as an actor."

He laughed, "Right into your trap."

She smiled, "I'm sneaky. You'll get used to it."


	3. Chapter 3

Back outside Issey took her rightful place at the piano and gave Darren some warm ups to try. She felt like she had a good handle on where he was comfortable in his voice and where he felt like he had to work to get, but could hear the potential for so much more if he knew how to relax into a note instead of fighting it into submission. His pitch was fairly good so she was able to leave the piano and get a little more "hands on" when she felt it was warranted.

"We're gonna work through 'Silly Love Songs', I think that's the most comfortable of the songs for you that we'd want to get into the live show. Let's take it straight through one time and then I'll take it apart. "

Darren nodded and then gave a very loud, strangely stressed version of the song. She just shook her head. "Sit down." She moved from the piano. "Not alone. Sing it for me."

The sun was setting, turning to liquid in front of their eyes. He began to sing, earnestly. "Stop." He looked up. She sat next to him on the bench, "Look around you. Do you see that sunset? Can you feel the change in the air? Take a moment to check in with your skin, feel the heat leaving the day, the chill just on the edges of the breeze. You were flirting with me not an hour ago, now you're spiting words at me. Sing. To. Me. Take in this moment, close your eyes, take a breath and make it mean something. Not alone. Sing it. To Me."

Darren closed his eyes a moment, clearly willing to allow himself to experience things the way she wanted him to. When he opened them he looked at her from under long lashes and his fingers moved slowly, caressing the notes. It was the most beautiful version of Not Alone imaginable and she let him sing it out, adding runs, changing verses until he felt the ending with his heart.

They both let the silence fill the space around them. It was Darren who spoke first. "I've never…" he reached for words he couldn't find and settled on, "Thank you for that."

"It's all right there. When you write it comes from here." She touched his chest where his heart was. "When you sing your own songs usually it comes from here." She touched his stomach, his gut. "When you sing Glee stuff it's all right here." She wrapper her fingers around his throat lightly. "I want you to sing with everything you are. I'm want the feel of the ground under your feet to make a difference in the sound that comes out of you. I can help you to do things you didn't even know you could do but you have to trust me completely because my methods are not typical."

His eyes locked to hers and she felt a little twist in her own gut when he spoke. "I'm all yours."

Oh this was not going to be easy. She'd never connected to someone so quickly, not at work and not in life. She couldn't explain it but there was something in his eyes, his voice, and his comfort in his skin that hooked her. Most people flinched slightly the first time she touched them while working together. It was not the normal approach for a coach, not a pop/rock coach anyway. Opera coaches tended to beat the crap out of you, Issey could still feel the bruises. Darren though almost seemed to lean into her touch; there was none of that awkwardness that is so frequently prevalent in the first days of coaching and none of the looks of disbelief, so far anyway, at her practices.

They returned to working on Silly Love Songs but it wasn't long before Marianna came in with their dinner. Darren followed Issey inside as the girl came in. "Marianna, I thought we had Clarissa until 8 tonight?" she pointed out to the table on the deck directing Marianna to set up dinner out there.

"Si, but Clarissa son is broken by car so I come early."

Marianna was a lovely girl and very efficient but her English was not so good. "Wish my Italian was better, I'd find out what that actually meant." Issey lamented.

"Che cosa è accaduto a Clarissa' figlio di s?" Darren inquired. Marianna explained, and Darren interpreted that Clarissa's son was in a car accident so she had to leave early.

Issey felt her knees go a little weak. "You speak Italian."

"Si. Vino?"

She had a standing dinner order when she was working, there were very limited things her singers could eat and still sound the way she wanted them to, wine was not on that list. She took the bottle from him and looked at the note attached.

"Thank you for taking us on. Relax tonight and get ready for a whirlwind tomorrow. ~ Ryan"

Bad idea. On the other hand she'd been working non stop, she had a long road ahead and this beautiful guy speaks Italian. She deserved to give in to a bad idea every once in awhile.

She handed the bottle back to him and sunk into a chair. "Vino."

He filled their glasses then chose the seat across from her, his view of downtown Vegas, hers quickly becoming nothing more than Darren and darkness behind him where the canyons were visible before.

Over dinner they talked about what songs he thought he should sing in the show versus what the producers would probably ask for. He was incredibly humble and obviously grateful for the opportunities being given to him. He shared what it was like to be chosen as Blaine and how honored he was at being given such a wonderful storyline. Every word just drew her in further. When they were done eating he stood and grabbed the bottle and his glass, "Let's get comfortable, you look tired."

"Wow, thanks."

"Beautiful but tired."

"Too late."

"Now you're looking for compliments."

She looked at her empty glass. "Probably. Sorry. I wouldn't normally; to be honest I'm pretty spent." He started toward the rotating sofa but she groaned, "No spinning, not for me, daybed." It just happened that the daybed was small and intimate while the sofa would fit 10 to 15 people comfortably. She didn't plan that, she just hated that stupid sofa. In fairness he could have headed for the plush lounge chairs by the hot tub if he wanted. Instead he settled next to her on the day bed, their backs against the headboard, feet stretched in front of them, arms touching.

Darren refilled her glass. "What was your last job?"

She shared her stories, relentless touring, and endless pursuit of perfection sometimes for people who didn't care if they ever achieved it. She usually chose to keep her process to herself, not discussing it with her clients, or anyone really, but with Darren's easy questioning and obvious interest she talked for a long time.

They finished the bottle and started a second from the bar. He offered his opinion of her life in two quiet words. "Sounds lonely."

She considered this. "Sometimes. Most of the time I guess, but I stay too busy to notice. I'm always surrounded with people."

"You can be lonely in a crowd. It sounds like everyone depends on you for emotional stability a lot. That's a gift, but it has to be a heavy weight at the end of the day."

She weighed her answers. He was, after all, a client, and it was a given that a time would come on this tour when his emotional stability would depend on her, she had never been on a tour without this element. Because of that she should tell him that she could handle it, that yes, it was a gift, and yes it could be heavy but that she was well equipped and welcomed the opportunity. This was not only her standard answer if asked by her bosses, but also true. Not the whole truth though.

Refilling her wine glass was his excuse to move even closer to her and she allowed her head to rest against his shoulder enjoying the buzzing in her brain. "If I'm honest I like it when people depend on me. It makes me feel useful, like I have a place to be, otherwise I feel in the way. It works in this strange way though; it connects me to people but keeps me separate at the same time."

Darren leaned his cheek on the top of her head. "Transient life on the road with people you are connected to but separate from sounds like a fear of intimacy. You use it to teach, to inspire confidence but don't allow others to get close to you." She shivered, maybe from a passing breeze and he put his arm around her. "What are you afraid of?"

The answer in that moment was, not much. He took her wine glass from her hand and kissed the top of her sleeping head.


	4. Chapter 4

Issey woke up around 11 and found herself covered under a soft blanket from the back of the living room sofa. She wandered inside and found Darren in his bathroom, door open, wearing sweatpants and nothing else, taking out his contacts.

"I'm sorry about earlier, very unprofessional of me. I swear I've never done that before."

The smile was a light in his eyes before it reached his lips, "I'm honored to be your first. You needed that sleep." He put his glasses on and put away his toothbrush in his case.

"Not just the sleep, the talk, I'm not usually so …"

"Open? I appreciated it; your process is pretty fascinating. If you're gonna ask me to trust you then I'm gonna expect the same from you." He squeezed her shoulder, "You want to go to bed, start fresh in the morning, or are you going to make good on your promise to work me all night?"

They left the bathroom, she stopped at her bedroom door, "We have too much to do and my little nap cost us time we don't have, sorry but we have to work. Let me get into something more comfortable and I'll meet you out there."

She showed up a few minutes later on the deck, he had dimmed the lights almost completely so they were just in moonlight. She was in cookie monster sleep pants and a white tank top. "Cookie Monster, excellent choice! Seriously though with the hair?"

She reached up and felt the bun on her head. "What about my hair?"

"Do you never just take it down?"

"I didn't think about it. I wear it down, I just happened to have it up today."

"Please?"

She laughed "Earn it."

"Challenge accepted, where do we start?"

"Silly Love Songs, you want me to play?"

"Yeah, you play." He stood facing her and she went right into it. They ran it through a couple of times, her coaching him past the places where he would strain his throat rather than just opening up to the notes. When she had the tone where she wanted it she began on the nuances.

It was somewhere around 3:30 in the morning and she found herself with her hand flush against his (naked) stomach trying to get him to understand the sound she was looking for, where he needed to breathe from. They had done Raise Your Glass and returned to Silly Love Songs. He took his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes, clearly getting frustrated.

"You aren't feeling me." She stood up, stretched and took his hand. Close your eyes and follow me. He laughed a little and closed his eyes, "Wake me if I start sleepwalking."

The suite was dark but she knew her way. She pushed open the door to her room and backed in holding both of Darren's hands in her own. "Keep your eyes closed, it's important." The room was pitch black, opening his eyes would have done him no good but it was the experience that mattered. She took his right hand and opened his fingers with her own. Flattening his palm she placed it against the cool, smooth, black lacquered wall, inlayed with abalone shell. She took the other hand and curled his fingers around the dark, crushed velvet of the curtains, realizing she had trapped herself within his arms.

"Sing it." She placed her back to him and tapped the hand against the wall with a fingertip, "Smooth here, cool, hard, almost slippery. Match it with your voice." He started to sing and hit the tone, exactly as she'd wanted; smiling in the dark she removed her finger, "Keep singing, normal tone." He continued, softly, in her ear, his breath warm on the back of her neck. When he reached the right portion of the song she slid her fingers around his left hand and encouraged him to feel the velvet on his skin. "Just like this, make it happen with your voice." He did, and it was exquisite.

Just as he finished the song, arms still on either side of her, eyes still closed, he felt her hair fall, as she removed it from the bun and backed closer to him. It tickled his shoulders, whispered by his chest. He wrapped his left arm around her, pulling her into him, using his right to brace them away from the wall and let his lips rest on the soft skin where her neck gave way to shoulder. He didn't kiss her, just, breathed with her, enjoying her slight tremble, holding her.

Issey allowed it for longer than she should have but then took his hand from its place on her stomach and side stepped away. "That was perfect. You do that on stage they'll be putty in your hands. I think I'd better let you sleep."

She walked him to the door of her room and tried not to see the look in his eyes. He left, but then returned knocking softly. She didn't open the door; she needed to regain her composure before facing him again. "Yeah?"

"Hey Issey? Thank you. You are the strangest teacher I've ever had, but Jesus, I love what you do."

"We'll see how much you love it at 8 in the morning. We're starting with Teenage Dream. Be up by 7:30, no coffee, no tea, and no milk."

Then she flipped open her laptop and started watching video of her next victim.


	5. Chapter 5

Darren woke to a knock at the door. He waited and listened thinking for certain Issey would respond, this was after all, her room. She didn't, and his wake up call rang so he got up to find room service letting themselves in. Apparently the knock was a mere formality.

When asked where he wanted the food set up he pointed sleepily to the balcony, it appeared Issey liked to be outside as much as possible. He looked toward her closed bedroom door and wondered if he should wake her, deciding to let her rest a while longer. On the balcony he surveyed the bottles they'd left behind the night before and thought about how it had been less than twenty four hours since he'd met her and already Issey filled his thoughts. She was odd, to be sure, but he had a very good feeling about her.

When he'd finished breakfast he went to the piano and started warm ups, thinking if she wasn't awake in 20 minutes he'd go and see if he could rouse her. Warm ups bored him and he quickly abandoned them for a song, thinking at least he could work on Raise Your Glass instead. He played it slowly, sang it like a lounge singer and was startled when cool fingers touched the back of his neck. "This? Should not be tight when you're singing. Put your shoulders down." She massaged the knots she found hiding beneath the surface then rested her fingertips on his shoulders, "Try again."

He rolled his neck and hummed appreciatively at her touch then began singing and did fine until the chorus when his shoulders were back to his ears. "Stop."

He turned to face her, surprised to find her in workout gear. "Going to the gym?"

She laughed. "I was at the gym while you were snoring this morning. I had a meeting workout with Zach, he's been working with Finn to try to get him ready for dance stuff, and we're going to trade you later today so we don't have much time to mess around."

"Cory."

"Huh?"

"Finn, his real name is Cory."

She waved this information away. "I need to try to focus on characters. If you all were going to be performing as yourselves I'd worry about getting to know you as individuals, but I need to keep you in your roles."

"You didn't ask me a single question about Blaine last night." That smirk again.

She had spent her entire workout and morning shower trying to ignore memory of his smirk, the light in his eyes, and mostly the feel of him pressed against her in the dark. "Well, I was off my game last night, but you made the mistake of letting me rest so today, we work pal."

"I think I get to you." From anyone else it would have been smarmy, it would have turned her off instantly, but from him, it was endearing and she couldn't put her finger on why.

"If you can't get to me, at least a little, then you have no business being on a stage, getting to people is your profession Babe. So enough with the lounge lizard act and let's get your Blaine on."

He stood to relinquish his place at the piano to her, "Does this mean I'm moving out?"

She hadn't considered that. It was smarter, that was for sure but … damn. "Let's see how much work Finn needs. From what Zach and I talked about this morning you have more solo work than he does so I may just keep my grubby hands on you and see what you have left for me when Zach's finished with you.'

He grinned at her, "Intentionally dirty. I'm on to you."

She blew him a cheeky kiss and ran her fingers over the keys. "Bet you skipped your warm ups."

"Bet you slept less than an hour last night."

"Focus."

"I am." He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"On work."

He sneered adorably then complied. When 'Finn' arrived Darren was covered in sweat and belting out notes with a pitch he didn't know he had in him.

"Wow man, you sound great." Cory bustled in, and then stopped dead in his tracks when Issey shot him an angry look. She hadn't meant to, didn't know where it came from (lies, she knew, she just didn't want to admit the reverie she was lost in while listening to Darren and the resentment at having it torn open) and tried to quickly rearrange her face into something more welcoming.

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, just uh, Hi. I'm Cory."

"Isabel. It's nice to meet you; you startled me, what time is it?"

It was time. She looked up at Darren and for just a second saw something in his eyes, it spoke volumes, told her he was sorry their little island of solitude was broken, he hated to leave her, or maybe it was her imagination. Probably that last thing. But as he made to leave he ran a hand down her arm, friendly from anyone else, but she tingled where he touched her "I don't know where I belong."

(With me) "Zach's in the theater downstairs, second floor. Tell him 7 o'clock good for dinner tonight, everyone can come up here and we'll reassess. I'm fairly certain we'll have more people by then and I might want to work on some group numbers."

Again Darren held her eyes just a little longer than it seemed necessary and then clapped Cory on the shoulder, "Good luck man, she's a slave driver."

She watched Darren until he was gone. She didn't want to, knew how it must have looked, but couldn't help herself. She felt like she was waking up when he was finally out of view and turned her eyes to Cory, remarkably tall after the pocket sized Darren. She could see how a certain type of girl would fall for him but where Darren was completely at home in his skin this boy seemed to take up too much space for his own comfort.

"So a couple of things. I'm gonna call you Finn. It's easier to keep everyone in character. My methods can be a little, unusual but I get results. If at any time I make you uncomfortable, like in a 'hey, personal space' kinda way let me know, but understand, its business, I'm not coming on to you. If I make you uncomfortable in an 'I'm exhausted and this bitch wants me to do things I don't actually do' kinda way suck it up and welcome to Isabel boot camp."

He smiled, looking amused but unsure. "Deal."

This one was a challenge. He wasn't really a singer, though he could keep a decent beat. She worked on his one solo until she thought it was about as good as it was likely to get, teaching him tricks to draw people in and ways to skate past parts of the song that didn't really suit his range. She enjoyed Finn, and he was as good a singer as most of her rock guys, but it was night and day from working with Darren who she could push to explore the subtleties of each note.

The day passed quickly enough with plenty of time to work on all of the vocals he would have for the show including group numbers. At 6:00 she let him go, telling him to return to her room at 7 for dinner with the others.

It turned out to be a larger group for dinner than she anticipated, but the hotel was on top of things as always. Dance rehearsal had been with all of the Warblers, not just Darren so she had 12 total there, plus Zach, his assistant Sami, and 'Finn'. While they were eating Zach got a text that "the girls" had arrived. This included the ladies who played Brittany and Tina who were there to learn the "Single Ladies" dance along with four others she didn't recognize from the show. Apparently 'Kurt' would be arriving later that evening.

After dinner Zach felt like he'd had enough Warbler choreography for one day and took the ladies downstairs to start working on their stuff. 'Finn' was given an mp3 player of warm ups and music to practice to and instructions to return the next morning at 7:30AM to her suite.

The Warblers were dismissed for free time after dinner because Zach had kept them dancing right up until 7, but told they needed to return to Issey's suite by 8:30 that night to work on vocals. Darren chose to kick back at the suite, bringing Issey a glass of iced water with cucumber slices floating in it out to where she was tapping away on her laptop.

"Wow, thanks, how did you know?"

He shrugged, "I have my ways. Am I interrupting?"

She stretched and arched her back, the cracking audible from a few feet away. "Yes, but it's welcome. How were rehearsals with Zach?"

He moved behind her and put his right hand on the back of her neck, the heat felt good, even in the desert. "It was fine, it's not difficult choreography, mostly just stepping left and right, turning, just keeping it all on beat and keeping everyone together. I think we've got it." He added his left hand to her shoulder, repaying the mini massage she'd given him earlier with something deeper his thumb digging blissfully into her shoulder blade until she actually moaned. He laughed, "Lay down, I can get better traction."

She rolled her eyes "Now who's being intentionally dirty?"

"It's only fair, c'mon, I'm serious, you're back's a mess."

"I should say no." She was already sliding down on the mattress of the day bed. "Why can't I seem to say no when you're around?"

He leaned close and she could hear the smile in his voice, "Because it's so much more fun to say yes."

He worked in quiet for awhile, both of them lost in thought, probably very similar thoughts given the electricity between them. Darren broke the silence first, "Is? You were really quiet at dinner tonight."

It took her a minute to find her tongue; he had very talented hands, "Mmph." She lifted her face from the bed, "Observing."

She couldn't stop her body from responding as his hands moved to her lower back, it was a constant source of pain for her. "Here?" he asked, though he didn't need to she was practically purring.

"Shut up." She laughed, "Don't make fun of me."

He swung his leg over her, straddling her behind, adding pressure to his ministration of her aching muscles, when she pushed up into his hands he leaned over her, brought his lips closer to her ear, teasing with his breath, "Harder?"

"uhshh…yess"

"You sure?"

It was sexy as hell but really she hadn't had relief from this back pain in a long time and if he was offering she was going to take advantage. She turned her head and their lips were only a hair away from each other, "As hard as you can, and when you think you can't go any harder, dig deeper, man up, and get in there."

"Jesus." He fell back onto the bed aside of her exhaling as he went.

"Oh, no you don't pal; you got me all excited, finish the job."

"If we're still talking about a back rub you're gonna have to give me a second here."

She pulled herself up on her elbows and leaned in close to where he was lying next to her, eyes closed, breathe ragged. It was her turn to gloat. "I think I get to you."


	6. Chapter 6

The Warbler vocals were fairly tight already, even though the actors who played them on tv were not the same people who sang the parts on the tracks. They would be live mic'd over tracks recorded by the people who sang the tracks for the show, which had already been recorded. The boys were all hard working, very dedicated to the craft, sweet and most of all, funny. Issey spent most of the time laughing and letting them do choreography while they sang the back up, adding Darren to the mix much earlier than she'd originally planned.

Excited at the prospect of an early evening she stretched and yawned. The move was not missed by Darren who was on the other side of the balcony joking with the guys but watched with interest and popped an eyebrow in her direction. He turned his back and she went inside to change for the night but felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She couldn't help but smile as she read the text.

Darren:

STILL OWE YOU THAT BACKRUB-DAMN WARBLER INVASION

She texted back,

AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST A TEASE

She let her finger linger over the send key, almost reconsidering, but then just pushed the button and threw the phone on the bed before heading into the shower. Deliberately leaving her hair loose after her shower she carefully chose a pair of silky sleep shorts and a tiny white tank then threw a large soft pink button down shirt open over the whole thing so it didn't look quite so obvious. After fixing her hair into looking like it was just carelessly tousled and half dry (which took more product than she'd ever admit) she wandered out into the dark and quiet suite. She'd have worried that he gave up and went to bed but she could see the lights still on on the deck and walked toward it. She cursed her disappointment when she saw he was not on his own.

Darren couldn't take his eyes off of her when she came through the door, there wasn't any denying that, but his voice was super excited when he introduced Chris who played his boyfriend Kurt on the show. This was probably the person she was most looking forward to working with when all of this started, but she still wasn't really prepared for him to show up on her deck tonight.

"Zach didn't need me after one quick run through so he told me to come up here and see if you wanted to start with me tonight or wait until tomorrow. You look ready for bed, or something, though, so…"

The "or something" was pointed and directed at Darren making Issey wonder both what they had been talking about before she came outside and whether her outfit was too much. She decided to ignore the implication and her more base inclinations and do what she was here to do. "I can put something else on if this makes you uncomfortable, but if we have time to work we're gonna work."

"Oh, it's not making ME uncomfortable, I think Darren swallowed his tongue, but I'm fine."

Darren made no effort to deny this, just laughed comfortably and stood. "You want me to grab some waters for you guys before I head to bed?"

"That would be great, thank you."

Darren winked, WINKED at her then went inside. She started for the piano, "Okay, It's late to start singing I know but lets try some warm ups and see how tired you are."

"You clearly don't know what our schedules are like, this isn't even close to late, but uh, I think he wanted you to follow him."

"What?"

"Darren, I think he wants to talk to you alone."

"Oh. Uh…"

Chris was laughing at her, "Wow, you two are cute. Go."

She went inside. "What did you say to Kurt?"

Darren was adding lemon to water from a pitcher on the counter, "Chris? Told him you were amazing and he was going to love you. Why?"

"He's under the impression you wanted me to follow you in here." She slid up behind him and grabbed two glasses. He moved back, allowing her to move closer in to the counter and closed in behind her, "I always want you to follow me. Wow your hair smells really good."

"Behave yourself, I have work to do." It's what she said, but she made no move to get away from him.

He placed his hands under her pink shirt, but over her tank top, wrapping his guitar calloused fingers just above her hips and pushing his thumbs against her spine at her lower back. "Behaving myself doesn't seem to be an option where you're concerned." He gave her a quick sample of the backrub she'd be missing by taking on Kurt tonight, making her question all of her life decisions up until this moment. He moved his hands to her shoulders, pushing her hair away from her ear and whispered into it, "Wake me when you send him away."

"We'll see." She turned and he allowed her to step back away from him. She touched her finger to the tip of his nose, "I'm keeping you in the sun too much, you're starting to burn."

He brushed his thumb across her cheek, "Freckles." Just a statement, "Adorable, freckles wake me." Then he was gone, disappearing into his room and leaving her to her job.

She took a minute to regain her composure then returned to Kurt. "Okay, over to the piano."

He bounced behind her toward the instrument, "So?"

"So?" she asked back, sitting and pointing to where she wanted him to stand.

"Do I get a thank you for alerting you to the fact that hunk boy was waiting for you in there?"

She laughed, "Hunk boy. He'd like that, I might tell him you call him that if you don't work hard enough tonight."

"Oh, threats already, excellent. This might just be okay, except that he knows I'm a sarcastic jerk so you can tell him whatever you want."

"Oh, voice of an angel and a sarcastic jerk, fantastic, you're my dream man. Screw rehearsal lets go see Elvis and get married."

"I'm in, so long as you don't mind my sleeping with boys."

"Honey, all my best boyfriends slept with boys."

"You still have any of them lying around?"

"Could be, depends on how good you are for me tonight."

"Threats and sex, maybe we should get married."

"You think you're kidding, but you gay boys always end up in love with me."

"I'm all about breaking the stereotypes so don't get your hopes up."

"My hopes are settled…elsewhere." She looked longingly at the sliding door leading in to where she was fairly certain Darren was showering. (naked, wet, slippery…shut up brain!)

Kurt rolled his eyes at her, "Good God woman, I can go if you want. I know he's a good kisser but try to pull yourself together."

"Is he a good kisser? Don't answer that. You need to start doing scales." She began plucking at random keys on the piano.

"That wasn't a make out session that just happened in there? How disappointing."

"No. I met him YESTERDAY, I'm not some floozy."

"Floozy? Okay Grandma, fantastic word choice."

"Shut up and sing."

"Not technically possible."

"Done talking about this. Scales."

She started playing, smiling to herself about how much fun this tour was going to be. These two guys were a riot and she could just imagine the trouble they could cause together on stage.

She began with his upper range, knowing he had a naturally high voice, but was super impressed when she got into his lower register. This kid had a range she'd never heard before and she told him so.

He shrugged it off. "Whatever, it works I guess.'

"You don't like singing much do you?"

"Whatever, it's fine. I'm not that into music in general. I'd rather be digging into some deep character development."

"Writer, director, producer, actor, singer is way down on the list of things you aspire to huh?"

"What makes you think I write, or want to do those other things?"

"I'm psychic. I'll give you this, you're a better actor than you are a singer, and you're the best singer I've worked with pitch wise."

"Was that a compliment? It's hard to tell with you."

"Yeah, compliment. So there are a few songs you'll be doing as a group and you have one solo and one duet, what do you want to work on first."

"No idea what songs they picked so…"

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Get Happy/Happy Days are the two with your biggest leads."

"Really? Not Candles? I thought they'd push the Klaine thing."

"Decided to let Darren and the Warblers have their own time then we have a little surprise for Darren, he's gonna get brought into the later Glee numbers and you two are gonna do a skit leading into that. He doesn't know it yet though, Zach and I have been going back and forth with Ryan about it."

"Ryan is for or against?'

"Ryan wants to feel the audience out as to bringing Blaine into the Glee fold. I think he wants to use this to see if Darren's gonna stay or go."

"Sounds like Ryan. I Wanna Hold Your Hand."

"Good enough. Let's take it all they way through once and then break it down."

She was right, his pitch was beyond reproach but his breath control was atrocious. She stood and walked behind him, "I forgot to give you my speech but hopefully Hunk Boy warned you, I'm pretty hands on." She put one arm around his midsection, resting her fingers at his midsection and placed her other hand on his shoulder. His body was more muscular than she'd expected. "Sing."

He did and she sighed. "You breathe from here." She moved the hand that was on his shoulder to his chest.

"Conveniently, that's where I keep my lungs."

"Yeah, well, that's why you aren't getting enough breath to finish your phrasing correctly. You need to breathe from here." She tapped against the center of his body, just under his ribcage.

"Uh, I don't actually have lungs there so I don't think that's a possibility"

"You have to breathe from your diaphragm. Here, give me your hands." She moved to face him and he reluctantly surrendered his hands to her. She placed them as she had her own, one on her chest, one at her diaphragm. "You're breathing." She took a breath and her chest rose under his hand. "Correct breathing." She took a deep breath and popped her diaphragm dramatically.

"Whoa! Is that even normal? Should that do that? You're like, double jointed or something."

"Opera training, you don't need to pop quite that hard, but you should be breathing from down here, your chest should move very little and your shoulders not at all."

They practiced the breathing until Chris (he became Chris, not Kurt to her somewhere around 2:30 in the morning.) started getting the hang of it. He'd still forget mid-song and she'd remind him again and again, but he understood the concept now and she felt confident that over time he'd be better for it.

"Good, now let's work on this, 'Hi. I want to tell you something."

"What?"

"Say it. 'Hi. I want to tell you something."

He did.

"Okay, now sing, from here." She pointed to the sheet music, not bothering to play along on the piano.

He sang "Now I tell you something, I think…"

"Stop. Say it again. 'Hi. I want to tell you something."

"What are you driving at here?"

She just stared at him expectantly.

He heaved an exaggerated sigh, "Hi. I want to tell you something."

"Sing."

"Now I tell you something I think"

"Stop"

"WHAT?"

She sang it back to him. "Now high tell you something high think you'll understand."

"I don't do that."

"Don't you?"

"No."

"Shall I grab my iPod?"

"Be my guest."

Handily stored in the piano bench she quickly found what she was looking for and placed it in its speaker cradle which soon was informing Chris that he indeed sang the word high when he intended on singing the word I with some frequency.

"You win this round."

"Oh, I win every round, believe that, it will make your life easier."


	7. Chapter 7

"Damn, that was beautiful." Chris and Issey turned to find Darren, still in his pajamas. He was obviously newly awake and rubbing his hands through his completely out of control hair. The pair had been rehearsing the Get Happy/Happy Days duet with Issey filling in for Lea. "What time did you guys get up?" He moved his hand to stifle a yawn and then stretched exposing a hairy bit of tummy under his shirt.

Issey and Chris both laughed at this. Chris sat hard onto the piano bench, "You're the only one sleeping around here. Some of us are working."

"Yeah, that was me last night. I earned that sleep." Darren came up behind Issey and scratched her head with strong fingers, "You'd better get some rest, we don't need another wine coma."

"I'm fine, and there is no wine in my near future. What time is it?"

"Quarter to 7. You have time to catch a nap before Cory gets here if you want." Darren offered.

"Ha, that's what you think. You need to be warmed up, Chris you can go, get some sleep and then be back here by 4 tonight. We'll work on the duet with Rachel; she should be here and warmed up by then."

"So, no wedding for us this afternoon?" Chris asked before leaning in to kiss her cheek goodbye. They had kept the wedding joke running all night, adding in horribly cheesy things they would each want at the their wedding and plans for how they'd live together in increasingly stranger situations as the dark gave way to dawn.

"Not today" she said with mock sadness, "they'd never get the sea monkeys fitted for rhinestone encrusted tuxes in time."

"Well, we can't have them showing up naked so I guess we'll have to wait. See you later. You two behave yourselves while I'm gone."

Chris left and Darren replaced him next to Issey on the piano bench, leaning his cheek against her shoulder sleepily, "Am I still dreaming? Nothing either of you just said made any sense."

"You're awake, and you need to warm up because you're laying down tracks this morning and Finn is right behind you."

"Mmph." He groaned, his lips against her arm. "Haven't even had breakfast."

"You can eat after you sing. In fact, once you're done laying your tracks you're off until about 7 tonight lucky boy." She tousled his curls and scratched his back lightly.

Darren picked his head up and looked at her, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"How much time do you have off today? Can we have lunch or something?"

"You wake up hungry huh? You're all about eating this morning." Her fingers plucked at his curls lightly as she spoke and he closed his eyes and sighed.

"I don't care about eating, I care about getting to spend time with you, plus I'm worried that you're not getting any rest."

"This is what I do. This is normal for me. I'll rest later, today is going to be packed full. I have to get you ready to lay down tracks, get Finn ready for tracks, get you both to the studio, get your stuff recorded; Finn recorded then it's back here to meet Rachel by 2, work with her alone til 4, add Chris in, work with them both until 6 when everyone gets dinner break. Then at 7 I have everyone except Warblers here for group numbers."

"Thought I had to be here at 7?"

"You're doing some of the group numbers."

"I am?"

"You am. You don't need to be on the tracks but you'll be live mic'd so you need to learn them. In fact we'd better check with Zach about today's choreography schedule because you might have been added to it. Good thing I let you sleep last night."

She gave him a playful shove and sent him to his place near the piano to begin warm ups. He fell easily into the sound she looked for, a quick learner and talented ear, two of the many things she liked about him. When Finn showed up she had them run scales together for a few minutes before raising her eyebrows at Darren, "Go eat, we'll be ready to leave for the studio in forty five minutes ok?"

She continued with Finn and a short while later Darren appeared, showered, and dressed. He put a plate of fruit, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast in on the table with a cup of coffee and went to the piano. "I'll play, you eat."

She hesitated but then gave over, mostly because she could read the concern in Darren's eyes and figured he wouldn't concentrate on anything until he felt like he'd played Prince Charming for her. It turned out for the best because he was great at running Finn through Jesse's Girl and breakfast turned out to be the only food she would get until dinner.

Darren took very little time in the studio, retaking only when he blew a lyric. Cory took longer than anticipated because of the group tracks they had to get right, but he hung in like a trooper. The studio got a little confusing with Issey referring to people as their character names and Ryan (who was there just to be in the way it seemed) referring to people by their real names and so Issey relented, finally just calling everyone by their actual names. At this point she felt like she'd immersed herself deep enough in the world of Glee to have a handle on everyone's basic character development. She tried to ignore the storyline flaws, inconsistencies and clear lack of planning in the writing of the show when working on any between song dialog with Zach.

Even with the extra time in the studio she made it back to the suite before Lea, whose flight from New York was delayed due to storms. She thought about taking a nap but wandered onto the balcony (to see if Darren was around) just to get some air.

"Oh, you're back, is Lea here?" Darren called from the Jacuzzi. "I can vacate if you need to work."

She wandered over in his direction and sat on the edge of the tub, dangling her legs in. "No, Lea's flight's delayed; I called Chris and told him I won't need him until 7. If I get her at all before dinner we won't have time to add Chris in. Looks like I might need both of them overnight tonight so we can get their tracks done in the morning."

"So you get some time off." He let water drip from his fingers to her knees. "I'd entice you to join me in here if I didn't think you needed to sleep so badly."

"Actually I was thinking about calling down to Zach and asking him to send Jenna or Kevin up if he's done with them so I can get through their solos."

Darren slid under the water in response and when he surfaced he had her by the hips before she knew what was happening. The look in his eyes was that of a little boy about to do something very naughty.

"Don't!"

But it was too late, he tugged her toward him and they fell, her on top of him, both of them laughing and taking in water.

When the choking and sputtering subsided she realized that despite the shallow water her legs remained wrapped at his waist, one arm around his neck, she brought the other to her face to clear the hair from her eyes. He balanced back against the edge to keep them both underwater up to just below their shoulders and stroked a thumb against the skin exposed at her side as her shirt floated upward.

"Darren." His name was a quiet warning on her lips.

"Is" Her name a plea on his.

"This is a terrible idea." The words were correct but the look in her eyes and her hands caressing his shoulders said something else.

"Really?" He dipped them lower, covering the water to their chins and picked them back up, "I think it's an awesome idea. One of my best in fact." He used his knee to bump her closer to him as she started to float away. Despite herself she locked her legs around him, grinding against him a bit as she settled into a comfortable place.

"Woman, I think you're trying to kill me." He kissed the water away from her collarbone and she brushed her lips against at his forehead, just at the hairline.

"Hello? The concierge let me in, is anybody here?" A woman's voice from inside, Issey must have left the slider open.

They broke apart, Darren running a fingertip down her thigh as he let her go, "I'll go see who it is and get another towel, stay put."


	8. Chapter 8

Darren had returned to the deck carrying a fluffy white towel for Issey and followed by a stunning brunette she recognized as "Santana" from the show. "Issey this is Naya, she's early so Zach sent her up."

He held the towel for her and wrapped her into it, rubbing his hands on her back to dry her a little.

She went immediately into work mode, pushing him back gently but firmly. "Naya, so nice to meet you. I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you, let me go get into some dry clothes and I'll be right back."

Darren grinned at Naya, "I'd better change too, check out the view." He motioned around them and disappeared inside on Issey's heals.

He followed her into her room and caught her around the waist, pulling her close. "I'm going to get us another room no one knows about so I can get ten minutes alone with you." He rubbed the goose bumps on her arms from the air conditioned chill in the air.

She scrubbed the backs of her fingers against the scruff on his cheek, "Look, I need you to understand something, I honestly never do this. When I work I'm like a machine, I don't get distracted, I don't play in the hot tub, I don't…" her fingers moved to play in his chest hair, "get physical with my clients, not this way."

He leaned back and away from her, but kept his warm hands on her arms, "Are you politely telling me to back off?"

She thought for a moment and then leaned into him, allowing him to circle his arms around her once again, "No, well kind of. I'm telling you I like this, I like you, but I need to concentrate, and I need to have everyone's respect, so they can't see me as someone who might be already falling into bed with you. The flirting is good, but it can't go much further than that, at least not now, and it has to be kept to a minimum around the others."

He sighed and tightened his grip on her. "Guess that means a kiss is out of the question."

Her fingers grazed his backside, "You think we'd stop at a kiss?"

That smirk again. "Not easily. Okay, you win. I'm going to go to my room and die of frustration."

"Try to think of it as anticipation. Rain check?"

"Okay, but I wish we weren't in the desert, makes rain seem so much less likely."

She gave him a playful shove telling him, "Guess you're just going to have to decide whether I'm worth waiting for." Then she shut the door before he could respond.

It took her no time to pull on a long sundress and head out to the deck. Working with Naya was a pleasure, she was relaxed and her voice was exactly what Issey wished she could sound like. Notes came out smoky, sexy and textured, it seemed effortless. They went quickly through group numbers and settled into Valerie, the song Naya would sing as a solo. It was hard to believe such power could come from such a tiny frame. With another singer Issey might have made small corrections here and there but Naya's passion for the song overrode anything she could say. She was spot on. Issey wanted instead to just ask her to stay and sing all of her favorite songs, like it was her own personal piano bar, but instead of wearing the girl out she let her off the hook. It seemed like a good time to relax and get to know her so after an hour and a half of vocals they retired to deck chairs to chat.

Naya was easy to talk to, laid back and sweet. She liked that her character had edge, but was ready to explore a softer side of her without losing her sarcasm. She was also in talks for her first solo album, which Issey assured her she would be the first in line to purchase.

They chatted for ages, Darren eventually joining them when he realized they were no longer working. It was nice to relax in the sun for a little bit, but Issey was on edge, there was so much to do and so little time to finish. While Darren and Naya continue to lounge in the sun she went and made rehearsal mp3's for everyone on the cast for their parts of the group numbers. She'd hand them out after tonight so everyone could be ready first thing in the morning. Anyone really struggling would be kept after tonight's rehearsal.

Everyone was on their own for dinner, Zach and Issey met Ryan at Hachi, the hotel's Japanese restaurant to discuss the progress so far.

Ryan wanted to know if Lea had arrived, she had, but right before dinner and was eating with Chris apparently. The two of them were to head directly to Issey's when they finished and text her if they got there before her. It wasn't worth giving Chris more time on his own and Zach was going to be in Issey's room tonight anyway. Darren would be moving out, Zach would be moving in. They had too much to do and couldn't use the auditorium for the next few two nights because of shows.

Zach was certain if they moved the sofa's to the edges of the room he could work in the living area, air conditioned was better if they were going to be dancing anyway, and Issey could continue with the music outside. Ryan was leaving town and wouldn't be back until show night which was a mind numbing 48 hours away.

Zach gave updates on the progress of individuals between mouthfuls of kumamoto oysters. Apparently Kevin's wheelchair choreography was solid (if exhausting), Heather was still learning some of her stuff as she and Harry had the most choreography but she was ready for her solo and the first half of the show. Harry had been working via skype with Sami because he was stuck in LA with prior commitments until later tonight. Darren and the Warblers were ready, though rehearsing on their own was highly recommended. He reminded Ryan that moving the entire Warbler crew through the audience mid- song would require more security than moving just individual performers. (This was the first Issey learned of the "second stage" that would be set up in the back of the arenas.) Cory would never be ready but he knew enough of where he needed to be that other people wouldn't trip over him and no one would expect anything more from Finn.

"And Chris?" Ryan wanted to know.

"Chris is a machine. I didn't do the group numbers with him yet, and I'm going to let him do whatever he wants for 'I wanna hold your hand'. As far as Get Happy we'll work that out with Lea tonight but I think I'm going to have them on stools. We're doing that second stage right?"

"Yes, I want Single Ladies second stage as well."

"Everyone is ready for that. Jenna slips up here and there but they're pretty tight overall."

"Chris give you any pushback about it?"

"None, Just grabbed his iphone, went to a corner for about 10 minutes, came back and nailed it."

Ryan just nodded at him then turned his attention to Issey. "Okay, new girl, how's it going with the vocals?"

She had to grab her water glass to push down the bite of Thai stick she had just taken. Something about Ryan suggested he didn't wait for chewing. "Um, Naya is ready, Cory is…well, his tracks got laid this morning but I'll continue to work with him throughout. Darren is ready and his tracks are down. Well, he's ready for Warbler stuff, not so much New Directions, we haven't done that yet. Chris is ready for all but duet. Warblers are ready. I'll work with Lea and Chris on the duet first after dinner, then do group stuff so everyone can lay group tracks in the morning tomorrow. Lea will get me last tonight, she'll do tracks tomorrow after group tracks, as will Chris. I'm going to work with Heather and Kevin tomorrow while Lea and Chris lay tracks, I don't think they'll need me, then have them lay down their tracks tomorrow afternoon. We're in the studio for group stuff at 6am and have it booked til midnight for pick ups so we should be fine."

"Except that I need group dances tonight and you need group rehearsals tonight." Zach gave up on not talking with his mouth full.

"We'll rotate, if it comes to it I'll take Heather while you do group dances tonight, she knows her bits for the first half you said right?"

"True. We'll work it out, we always do."

"So Friday night everyone is perfect right?" Ryan cut to the chase.

"Friday night will be a mess, but the fans won't know the difference." Zach countered.

Issey raised her glass to his on that comment.

"We have the stage for dress on Friday at what time?" Zach wanted to know.

"10 AM, earlier if you want it, but crew won't be there til 10."

"Wardrobe?"

"They'll do fittings on a rotation all day. Should be straight forward, unless anyone has changed size dramatically in the last few weeks."

"Lighting and staging is complete?"

"Will be tomorrow. I'm gonna look at it in LA before we ship."

"They're not building h ere?" Issey shook her head in disbelief.

"In Nevada? Fuck no. They'll truck out here tomorrow night, set up over night and everything will be fine. I left my card, order whatever else you want, I've got to go." Ryan stood and left.

Zach laughed a little at Issey's reaction. "It's how he does things. The kids are used to it."

"When they're at home. In their own beds, surrounded by family, friends. They're going on the road which is stressful on it's own. There's no need for this to be as last minute as it is. I should have been brought in much sooner. Staging should have been designed before you started choreography."

"We're fast on your feet. Ryan wanted you because he knows you are too. I'm willing to bet he offers to keep you with the show. He likes you."

"How the hell can you tell?"

"He doesn't try to push your buttons. Doesn't force you to qualify your answers. Rare for him. Do you want a drink?"

"Several. Am I getting one? No. And he can ask all he wants I'm not staying past this tour. He creeps me out."

"That's what we all said. C'mon. Let's head upstairs and see if any of the cast are ready for beatings."


	9. Chapter 9

By the time Zack and Issey got to the elevator Chris had texted Issey:

WE'RE HERE - DON'T TELL ME YOU RAN OFF WITH ANOTHER MAN

Issey laughed and replied:

ON MY WAY HOME TO YOU BABY

When they got to the room Darren and the rest of the Warblers were already rehearsing on the deck, Lea and Chris were watching and cheering them on. Zach dismissed the Warblers for the night and brought Darren inside to start showing him some of the choreography for group numbers he would be in while they waited for the rest of the cast to show up after dinner.

Issey called Lea and Chris up for warm ups. Lea noticed the difference in Chris' breathing right away and complimented him on it. She was an old Broadway pro who had the breath control issue in hand. She was clearly someone who knew how to take charge of a situation and was not afraid to tell you what she wanted from you. Issey made note that Lea knew her voice well and was well versed in the cheats to get around the weaknesses in her range. Everyone had them; the best singers learned how to work through them.

After abbreviated warm ups she asked them to try their duet together one time. Their timing needed work and surprisingly Lea needed to power up a little to meet Chris volume wise, but then, that could be fixed with levels on the soundboard. While they sang Chris played and flirted around, sitting next to Issey at the piano and generally acting up. Noting Lea's annoyance with the shenanigans she kept her at and sent Chris off with his mp3 to work on his portion.

Lea was slightly resistant to suggestion but when Issey pushed she'd try and most times find something that worked. Not every time and she told Issey more than once that she knew what she was doing and didn't really need to be coached through it. She did it in a very sweet way, but Issey could see this one was going to be a challenge for the duration. She pressed forward through Firework and made a few tempo changes that Lea actually approved of, before Chris returned to give the duet another shot. They went through it another few times together with Issey finally saying it was good enough for now, knowing they'd be recording their own separate pieces tomorrow and with a few nights of touring would find a groove together.

A burst of laughter from the living room announced Amber's arrival. Issey let her chat for a short bit but then went in and passed Chris and Lea to Zach, stealing Amber out to the deck. From the first few scales of warm ups Is was excited about Amber. Her voice was by far the most powerful of the group, not a note out of place. It was shocking the show didn't use her more. She exuded joy as she bounced through the notes. They had a few songs to choose from for her solo so they ran through them, each as flawless as the last. It was impossible for Issey to choose so she left it up to Amber who settled on Ain't No Way, a heartbreakingly beautiful choice that was certain to bring down the house.

They called in Naya; Issey warmed her briefly with a few scales and then set them both loose on River Deep, Mountain High. There was no struggle here, they easily found a rhythm together and while Naya's voice didn't lend itself as easily to the big notes the layering of smoky and soul was magnificent So magical was the combination that the rest of the cast, now completely assembled in the living room and working on group choreography for Don't Stop Believing came out to the balcony to watch, applaud and dance along. It was a celebration of voices and love for music that poured out of everyone and Issey was not about to lose the opportunity it presented so she asked Zach if he minded her rehearsing a few group vocals while everyone was so enthusiastic.

Group warm ups were the first time this felt like a Glee Club. She had to laugh as she had them all in sections by range and ran scales with them; she hadn't done anything of this size since she was in school herself, volunteering to head up local choirs. She found it easiest to get through anything with a majority of Lea's leads first as she was, the words 'straining at her leash' came to mind. Darren was careful not to stand too close to Issey, but would catch her eye occasionally and share a sparkling smile that turned her to jelly. In contrast she had to laugh every time she looked up and saw Chris, who was either trying to crack up Lauren or unintentionally making a face that was even funnier than when he was trying.

By midnight Zach had begun to sneak cast members away from vocal rehearsals and back to dance. She insisted on keeping Chord and Dianna so she could get Lucky rehearsed while they were warmed up. It was a sweet and simple song that she was able to get through fairly easily. Chord had a solid voice and the song was directly in his wheelhouse. Dianna's voice was ethereal and completely well suited to the song. Within 35 minutes she felt confident they could get that recorded the next day and she went inside to find Zach still working group choreography for Sing.

"I'd like Mark, is that okay?" Mark looked to Zach who shrugged.

"I don't think we've met officially." He shook her hand and followed her to the deck, "I've heard good things from the others. They've really enjoyed working with you for the most part."

She smiled at the 'for the most part'. It was easy to guess who would have had complaints but she kept her guess to herself. "I have to say I've been pleasantly surprised by everyone. The pool of talent here is crazy. Your casting director is a genius."

Mark's eyes sparkled up close. He was a very handsome man. He looked older than the rest of the cast, less like a high school student and more like a construction worker. His body was just this side of ridiculous. "We have a great group of people. So, no one has told me what I'm singing, please tell me it's not Good Vibrations, or worse, Friday"

"Well, I fought hard for a medley of Beth and Lady is a Tramp but I got shot down. They'd like you to do Fat Bottom Girls, Friday will be part of the encore, sadly."

Mark was completely cool with FBG. The piano wasn't a lot of help so he ran to his room to get his mini amp and guitar so he could rock out. While she was alone on the balcony Darren came out, walking her to the far edge where they couldn't easily be seen from inside. He wrapped her in his arms, "How're you holding up?"

"Adrenaline is my only hope."

He shook his head, "You should go to bed when you're finished with Mark, you've had so little sleep since we got here."

"I'm afraid if I sleep it will be too little and just make me more tired. My plan is to stay up all night again tonight, make it through group tracks tomorrow, rehearse Kevin and Heather in the early afternoon tomorrow then sleep until 7. Then I'll go back to the studio to see where we are and clean up any messes.

He kissed her temple, "I don't love that plan, but I do have a thought."

"Oh?"

"I'm moving out tonight, apparently moving in with Chord."

"I knew Zach wanted to move in." She rested her head on his chest, allowed her fingers to twist in the soft sweatshirt he was wearing. The sleepiness had obviously taken over the part of her brain that warned against such closeness with everyone else just inside.

"Chord has to record all of the group numbers but I only have to record some, plus he'll have to do his duet. I can come back to the hotel and will have the room to myself. You should come nap in our room so Zach and his ever present dance rehearsals don't keep you awake up here."

"Hmmm. You don't think other distractions will keep me awake in your room?" she nuzzled deeper into his arms, enjoying the way he gently rocked her side to side.

"I solemnly swear I will be dedicated 100% to you getting rest."

"You might have yourself a deal there, but you have to promise you'll make sure I'm up on time. I don't care if I miss dinner but I can't miss any more studio time than I have planned."

"I'll make sure, and I'll save you dinner you can take to the studio, sound good?"

"Sounds heavenly. I'm not promising, but I'll think about it." (A lot)

"Good, now I'd better get back before Zach takes my head off." He kissed her cheek and was back inside before Mark returned.

The next few hours flew by; they tried to send people off to bed in rounds, keeping those with the least amount of recording to do early the next day the latest. Finally by 4:30 everyone was in bed and Zach and Issey had a pot of coffee and breakfast sent up to them.

They went to their rooms, showered and changed for the day before coming outside to sit in companionable silence over their food, each too tired and lost in their own thoughts to speak.

Issey guessed Zach was doing choreography in his head, knowing she should be prepping for group vocals in less than an hour now, but her mind was turning over and over one thought like a worry stone in frantic fingers. Napping with Darren was a risk, but one she had no real intention of resisting. The thought of giving and just climbing into bed next to him and allowing herself to sleep where she could feel the heat from his body was the only thing that was going to keep her going for the next 8 or so hours.


	10. Chapter 10

It was a lot of people to have in one studio. Each person was going to record their own leads for group songs individually but in the interest of time they were going to record all of the rest of the vocals together. Fortunately the gang was very used to the drill and while everybody had a good time they were professional and required very little in the way of retakes. Issey made a few adjustments here and there, but mostly she wasn't as necessary as she thought she'd be because Ryan had sent the same crew who normally did the studio work for the show to oversee the recording.

When Lea started to record her leads Issey grabbed Kevin and pulled him into a rehearsal room. He was warmed up from group vocals and she wanted to strike while that iron was hot. Every minute wasted was a minute not sleeping (in Darren's bed). PYT was easily cleaned up, it was something Kevin had clearly been singing for a long time and while Issey didn't want to completely take the Michael out of it she did try to put a little more Kevin into it. Safety Dance was a bit more of a challenge because the vocals never really smooth out. The upside was that he was probably going to sing very little of it live with all the dancing he'd be doing for the number so they'd record it and rely on the track nightly. After an hour or so they both felt they'd done what they could with the numbers so she sent him back to wait for his turn to record his leads for group numbers and called Heather in.

She had only one lead, primarily being a dancer, and like Kevin would be leaning heavily on the recording for her live performance. Her voice was a very pleasant surprise and again Issey wondered at how little she was utilized on the show. She required help with phrasing and drawing out the right vowels vs. consonants but was super funny and bright. She had terrific comic timing and kept Issey laughing with little stories and imitations of other cast members.

Things with Heather wrapped up nicely, Issey realized she had a pounding headache and was feeling a little nauseous. She sought out and found Darren, asking him to come go over one of his group numbers in the rehearsal room. When they were alone he cupped her chin softly in his hand. "Are you feeling okay? You're looking a little pale."

"No actually, I don't feel too well at all. I'm done here though, so I'm heading back to the hotel. Were you serious yesterday about my grabbing a nap in your room?"

"Absolutely. Marissa told me I have about a half hour left here and then I can roll. I'll meet you there."

"What if Chord comes back? I don't know how much more he has to do."

"I already asked him if it was cool if he stays out of the room til after dinner. He's fine with it."

"Darren, I don't want people…"

He shook his head with a smile. "I just told him I offered you our room to get some rest and not be disturbed by Zach rehearsing dances. I told him I'm taking off to do some Starkid stuff for the afternoon."

"Sneaky."

He slid the room key into her palm and caressed the inside of her wrist, "I can be devious when properly motivated."

"I like this side of you, but, let me remind you, I need to SLEEP."

"Trust me; I have only the purest of intentions…well, unless you don't count my staring at you like a creeper while you sleep as pure."

"Oh, that's way more pure than I had in mind so I think we're good. Uh, how are you gonna get in if I have your room key?"

"You have Chord's. Told him I was gonna give you his so I could get in to wake you at 7."

"Evil genius." She stroked his arm, "Don't be long if you can help it."

Less than an hour later Darren carefully opened the door to his room, half expecting to find it empty. The drapes had been pulled against the light and the room was almost as dark as it had been over night. He put the do not disturb sign out and locked the safety bolt as quietly as possible. Issey was in his bed, under a blanket he didn't recognize, and appeared to be asleep already. There was a giant glass of water on the nightstand, and yes, as he got closer, she was under a purple blanket that was the softest thing he'd ever felt, short of her skin. He stood just watching her for a minute, unsure if he should join her, or just leave her to rest.

"C'mere" she mumbled sleepily.

He didn't need to be asked twice. He toed off his sneakers and climbed in beside her, glad he'd worn sweatpants and not jeans to the studio.

She immediately snuggled into his arms, resting her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers gently through her hair, massaging her scalp and the nape of her neck lightly.

"Mmmm."

"One question before you go back to sleep?"

"Hm?"

"Where did this blanket come from?"

"S'mine. Bring it everywhere. Warm though, gonna want to lose those sweatpants."

"You okay with that?"

"You wearing underwear?"

"Yeah."

"Clean underwear?"

"Gross Issey, yes, clean underwear."

"Lose the pants. Shirt too probably. Really warm blanket."

To be fair he noted she was wearing the tiniest stretchy shorts he'd ever seen and a barely there tank top. And he was already hot under the blanket, but the thought crossed his mind that with her in that outfit he'd probably be hot if they were in an igloo with the air conditioner on high. He sat up, pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it onto a nearby chair. He lifted his hips and slid off his sweats, kicking them down and off, then onto the floor, discreetly sending his socks with them.

As soon as his curls returned to the pillow Issey replaced her head on his chest, draping her arm around his waist. Pressed against his side their bodies fit together like they were made for each other. Skin against skin Darren was surprised at how hot she was. "Is are you sure you want this blanket on you? You're really hot."

She looked him in the eye for the first time since he came into the room. "You uncomfortable?"

"No, it's just, you kinda feel like you have a fever. I'm not sure this blanket is a good idea. Don't you feel warm?"

"Yeah, I do. I really feel a little dizzy too. I think it's just from being so tired. Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"My overnight bag is in your bathroom, there's a sheet in there, get it?"

He went and got the bag and brought it to her, not wanting to go through her things. She pulled out a flowered sheet and folded the purple blanket away into the bag. Darren tried to take the sheet and spread it over them but she took it from him and corrected him at the way the flowers should be facing.

"Does it matter?"

"Do you want me to sleep?"

"Of course."

"Then it matters."

"Is this an OCD thing?"

"No, it's a, this is the way it fits on the bed thing. We may not be the tallest people but I toss and turn a lot and I'll guarantee that if you put this on the bed the wrong way it's going to end up riding up and then my feet will stick out and I'll be awake and annoyed."

He lay next to her and kissed the tip of her nose, "You're too cute."

"Because I know what I want?"

He looked at her for a long moment, clearly deciding how to respond to that. "Among other things, but what I want now, is for you to get some rest so lets try this again shall we?"

She wrapped around him once again, his left arm behind her, thumb tracing her spine rhythmically. She kissed his chest and sighed, closing her eyes. "Thank you for this."

"Completely selfish, just wanted alone time with you. Now hush."

At some point in her sleep Issey turned away from Darren. He followed her, playing big spoon and the next time he was even a little conscious their fingers were twisted together, his palm flat on her stomach. Their legs were tangled together and he must have moved a little because she made a tiny whine and pressed her back tighter against him. He placed a soft, open mouthed kiss to the back of her neck and whispered, "I'm right here Baby, I'm not going anywhere." He trailed his lips behind her ear, down the side of her neck and across a shoulder, moving slowly, still half asleep. He started to fall back to sleep, his mouth settling at the top of her back, just above the point directly between her shoulder blades, his hair tickling her skin. When he sucked a gentle last kiss into the otherwise indistinct spot just at the edge of her tank top she drew a sharp breath and arched back against him, grinding her backside into his groin.

He swallowed hard and filed away this magic little piece of real estate for future reference before moving his hand to her hip to discourage any more unintentional friction that would send him to a place that would ruin the trust she'd placed in him today.


	11. Chapter 11

When Issey rolled over an hour later over she found it impossible not to take a moment to watch Darren sleep. She didn't really want to be awake yet, but he was too beautiful, his dark lashes casting shadows on his cheeks, soft curls a mess in every direction. His lips were slightly parted making his mouth even more irresistible than usual. His breathing was deep and even as she watched his chest rise and fall, she itched to touch, trace, and tickle his skin.

Eyes barely open, his voice was thick with sleep, lower than usual from all the singing he'd done recently, "Thought I was supposed to be the creep."

She shrugged and lifted her hand to push the hair from his face, "Guess we're both creepy."

A slow smile spread across his handsome face. "Groovy." He watched her through heavy lids for a minute then, "You're too far away."

"I'm practically glued to you."

He half growled in frustration and lifted her easily, bringing her half on top of him, enveloping her in his arms.

"Beast." She grinned down at him.

She caught the smolder in his eyes and before she could think, or breathe, his mouth was on hers. It was a hungry, desperate kiss, too long waited for, with nothing subtle or gentle about it. Coming up for air he rolled her to her back and panted into her ear, "If I'm the beast, then you must be my Beauty, Belle."

Her giggle at his corny line was swallowed when he skimmed a fingertip from her lips to her navel with such excruciating slowness and lightness her entire body shivered at the touch. He held her gaze the entire time, mesmerized not solely by the silk of her skin, but her response to him, betrayed by her spreading pupils and quickening breath. She waited, biting her lip, sensing something in him that suggested hesitation. He kissed her cheek on an exhale and slid back to his own side of the bed, leaving his hand warm on her belly. "I'm sorry."

"What is it?" She turned to face him, losing physical contact with him for the first time since he'd settled in the bed. Her stomach knotted with rejection, but then there was such fondness in his expression.

"I gave you my word I'd behave, that this would be about you getting rest but it's hard not to be selfish, it's like, a golden opportunity to have you all to myself."

She felt her tension melt away, and moved in, finally allowing herself something she'd longed to do, since the first time she saw him. Issey tasted his neck, not just kissed but savored, every millimeter of skin there. She tongued his Adam's apple and continued down the hollow of his throat loving the goose bumps rising in her wake. Finally she looked up, "I'm rested, and I'm so fucking sick of behaving myself."

He snuck a glance at his watch, "We have nearly two hours before we have to leave." Once again his mouth found hers, his hands seizing the edge of her tank top and tugging, breaking their kiss only long enough to pull it over her head. Darren once again claimed the dominant position, guiding her more gently this time to the pillow. Pressing her arms over her head, wrists trapped in one hand he straddled her, kissing an open palm soft and wet, before nipping, licking and sucking a trail all the way to the side of her left breast. It was only then he released her so she could grasp at him, dig her fingers into his shoulders, twist them in his hair as his prickly scruff grazed small scratches in her cleavage.

"Darren" she moaned out his name as he lavished all of his attention on a nipple.

"Dare" she tugged his hair harder, "Do you have condoms?"

He didn't need to answer, she saw his shoulders sag slightly before he tipped his chin up to face her. "Fuck."

"Apparently not. Not now anyway. I have some in my room but…"

"You do?" He climbed off of her and settled in beside her, nuzzling into her neck.

"We'd never make it up and back without running into a million people." She was lazily petting the back of his neck and shoulders now.

"Don't suppose we would." He was quiet a minute. "Is?"

"Mmm?" She couldn't stop looking at his arm across her hip, thinking about his lovely hands and how much they could accomplish without a condom.

"Why?"

She'd lost the thread of the conversation, so caught up in her reverie about how much he could do with those delicious fingers. "Why what?"

"Why do you have condoms in your room? I mean, you said you never, ever do this and I believe you, but then, why?"

"Oh, that. I always have them in my road emergency kit. I tour with everyone from kids to classical artist to drugged out rock stars. It see it as part of my job to keep everyone safe and sometimes that includes having items at the ready that I have no intension of using on my own."

"Like, what else?" His hand had moved to her leg his thumb caressing circles into her thigh.

"Really? You want to talk about my work right now?"

"Well, I kinda need a little time to adjust to the situation."

"Or..." she allowed her hand to settle over the growing bulge in his Calvin Kleins.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I care about you Is, down the road, fine, we can just mess around but this time needs to be special."

"I'm afraid you're going to have to kiss me now."

"I can kiss you like we're in 8th grade for the next hour and a half, which will probably lead to death by sexual desire, OR I can give you that backrub I've been promising you and you can try to get some more sleep."

"What the hell? That's like Sophie's Choice."

"There's a part two."

"Thank God."

"But you have to behave yourself for the backrub, no wiggling or making noises that are going to drive me wild in order to get part two."

"Hmmm. I don't know if I can promise that, but let's hear part two and see if it's worth it."

"You take the backrub and a nap now and I will get us another room, on another floor in another name for tomorrow night. During the after party, or after it, we'll slip out and spend the night together."

"Explaining our absence how exactly?"

"You think anyone will notice?"

"I'm thinking Chord might when you don't come back to the room."

"Chord is sleeping with Dianna, I'll tell him I'm gonna find another place to crash so they can have the room. You say you're going to bed early, no one would dare check your room and then just slip out when no one is looking."

"Okay, you almost have a deal but I want to tweak it a little."

"Let's hear your proposal."

"Massage and nap until a half hour before I have to leave, then a half hour of 8th grade making out. Then part two tomorrow night."

He sighed, "You drive a hard bargain but I guess I can agree to your terms."

She was asleep again less than five minutes into the backrub. Darren straightened her sheet in the way she liked it and covered them both. It didn't take long for them to curl into each other in sleepy contentment. Both of their phone alarms went off at the same time, his was a piece of music she didn't recognize (The Kiss from Aladdin), hers was Land by Duran Duran. He groaned, and grabbed both phones from the nightstand clearing both alarms. Issey started to sit up but his lips on her back stopped her. "Don't move, not yet" She lay on her stomach as he eased the sheet down her back and placed a single kiss on her right hip. "Okay, now bad news." He sat back and allowed her to sit up and settle into his arms.

"No, first, what was that exactly?"

"You have a freckle there that was killing me, but you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you. I just had to kiss it. That's mine now. That kiss was like the Darren flag, I've claimed that freckle in the name of Darren."

"Its all yours." She kissed him quickly then settled back against him.

"And tomorrow night I'll be claiming the rest of you." He kissed her head, her temple and sighed, "Bad news is that we didn't reset our alarms to give you your half hour of make out time, we have to actually get up, pretty much, now."

"I don't like that news. Let's change the channel." She hid her face in his chest.

"Who has to be at the studio tonight?"

"Don't know until I go listen to what's been done."

"Call me when you get to leave and I'll come meet you. Maybe we can steal a long ride back to the hotel together."

They started dressing, stopping occasionally to kiss, to touch, to lean into one another before returning to the real world.

"Thank you. Today was the best day I can remember in a very long time."

"For me too." When they were ready to leave the room he backed her against the door and kissed her slowly, "You let me know you don't do this, I want you to understand I don't either. This means something to me. We may not have known each other very long but this…I don't know what it is, but it's special."


	12. Chapter 12

It was an obnoxiously long night. Darren had kept his promise to make sure the hotel sent up food she could take to the studio which was a Godsend because by 8:30 she was starving. Listening to all of the tracks was tough, she kept zoning out, remembering Darren's hands, his lips, the veins in his arms. She'd never seen anyone with such prominent veins and it was somehow a huge turn on though she could never explain why.

Lea was in her headphones begging her not to rain on her parade but she had to keep running the audio back, lost in reverie of his kisses. She'd kissed enough men to know what she liked and what she didn't but no one kissed like he did. She sighed and forced herself to pay attention to her work, pulling a long swallow of Diet Coke. She made a few notes and called Lea, "I need you back at the studio, there's just a few pick ups, shouldn't take you more than a half hour at the absolute most."

She moved on to Kevin's stuff, it sounded good, they must have taken extra time on it because the sound was rich and full. Perfect, no need to bring him back…NEXT!

She was half way through Heather's stuff when Lea showed up. It was obvious there would be a few things Heather would need to do so she called her to have her come as soon as she'd thought she'd be done with Lea.

Around 3AM she got around to listening to Chris singing Hold Your Hand. It was pretty, but not what she knew it could be. They were about 16 hours away from show time and this was going to be a long day of rehearsing on the actual stage, fittings, lighting, everything. She thought it was a sure bet Chris would be able to do the song live and not need the track the first night but what if the mics died out or something. She sent him a text, "Don't suppose you're awake?"

He called her right away "Course. What's up?"

"Feel like coming and singing for me?"

"Upstairs?"

"Studio."

"Wow, you're at the studio? It's…uh…late."

"Early actually, you don't have to, but I think we can do better."

"How are you even awake?"

"Had a nap. Not to push the point but are you going to come here?"

"I'm dressing as we speak. How did you nap with the dance rehearsals going on in your room?"

"I napped…elsewhere."

"Oh, I wondered where Darren had disappeared to."

"I never said I was with Darren."

"Never said you weren't. Don't worry, I'm not a gossip. I'll be there in 10 minutes." He disconnected.

It was 15 minutes later when he showed up in the studio wearing doc martins, black jeans and a light purple t shirt. He really was preternaturally good looking. "So." He dropped into the chair next to her "I was right about the kissing no?"

She shook her head at him, "Stop. I took a nap, that's the sum total of what I told you."

"Hmmm. Not alone though."

"You don't know that."

"You're glowing."

"So about this song."

"Just answer the question."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, you were right about the kissing. Please keep that between us."

He jumped up and did a little twirl "I knew it! So what else is he good at?"

"Letting me sleep. Seriously, I slept. We kissed, I slept."

"Waste."

"Just because you're a boyslut…"

"I am the furthest thing from boyslut. I just think you and Darren would be cute together."

"No you're saying you want juicy details, that's not the same."

"I don't want to hear the juicy details, which is gross by the way; I just want to know if there ARE juicy details."

"There aren't and if there were I wouldn't tell them to you. He was sweet and lovely and concerned that I get some rest. He's cuddly, which is nice and as you already know a good kisser. I REALLY don't want this to be a topic of conversation for anyone so promise me you're not going to even make little snide comments in front of the others."

"My lips are sealed. Okay, now tell me what's wrong with my song."

They listened together and Chris winced when he heard the rough spots she was talking about. Is had sent everyone home hours before, she preferred to run her own board when doing pick up stuff anyway. Chris stretched, "Okay, let me get in there and see if I can fix it, can you set up playback?"

"Oh, is that what you'd normally do?" Issey shook her head as she asked. That was cute, he thought he was just going to go in there, sing that part again and somehow it would just come out right this time and everyone could go.

"Yeah, why not? Let's just get it done, it's late."

She smirked, "Okay, playback coming right up Streisand."

He tossed his head like a diva and took his place in the booth.

She rolled playback but didn't bother recording, there was no way he was getting this right. He started with bravado but it was only about 4 bars in that his voice broke again. "Uh, sorry. Can we do that again?"

She was standing in the doorway of the booth. "No, I'd rather not, it was fun to watch once but it's late and we should get serious."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you need to warm up and we need to discuss how to get you past closing your throat there."

"I'm not closing my throat, that's not what's happening, it's just cracking."

"Oh, okay, what do I know? Let's just keep doing this until you shred your vocal chords, I'm down."

"Calm down Crabby, we'll do it your way."

"Remember that phrase for after the wedding, you'll need it."

"Calm down Crabby?" he laughed and she did too.

It took about 20 minutes of warm ups before Issey was satisfied enough to move on to the song. If Chris had started off sleepy he was wide awake now, his posture had improved and he was paying attention to his breathing after Issey nearly bruised his ribcage by squeezing her fingers there and daring him to make her hands move.

"Okay, so one last thing before we do this, it will help to lift your soft palate."

"First tell me what it is."

"God, they really don't teach you stuff do they? Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth and slide it back as far as you can, yawn if you have to but I don't want you to get used to yawning to do this."

"I'm gonna…" he yawned loudly, "I'm gonna swallow my tongue."

"You're not, Drama Queen. Okay, stop doing that now. Stop!"

Chris had begun to work at getting his tongue far enough back to swallow, which was disturbing to watch on so many levels, not the least of which was how he tilted his head so far back exposing a milky white throat. Issey started to worry that Darren had her so worked up she was going to start attacking everyone.

"Try this, inhale and make a soft 'k' sound as you do."

He made a strangled choking noise. She barked a laugh and moved close to him. "Listen."

Issey stood very close to him and made a noise that was very quiet as if she were trying to breathe in the letter.

Chris looked away from her and tried it. It was somehow more sensual in his throat but then he looked at her in wonder, "I felt it, I felt that lift!"

"That's the easy part, that's for before you start singing, to keep it open when you're singing I want you to think about how this feels." She breathed in on the k sound again, held the breath for what seemed like a long time and then did a long soft "uh" sound on her exhale.

Chris took a step back from her. "You show that to Darren?"

She couldn't help rolling her eyes. "No, I didn't. I will, he needs it, but not yet. You're…further along."

"You make those noises at him and he's not going to be thinking about letting you sleep."

She snuggled up to him, "Am I turning you straight yet?"

He looked a little scared for a half second then realized she was joking. "You'll have to work harder than that."

"Noted."

"And we'd hate to break Darren's heart."

"I don't think that's much of a worry. Moving on, let's hear you, breathe in, hold, breathe out"

He started his breath, forgetting the breathing technique as he tried to remember to use the k sound. She immediately pushed his shoulders down and moved behind him. "You have to relax. We'll do it together."

They were in the sound booth, backs to the equipment, she stood close to him, wrapped her fingers around h is rib cake and did a breath in, tapping lightly against his ribs, he followed. She held her breath then tapped his solar plexus and together they breathed out, "uhhhhhhhh".

She squeezed his torso a little, "Again."

Together they breathed in the stone silent darkened room.

"Do you think you can remember this feeling?"

Chris seemed to realize he had closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling in his throat, on matching her. "Can I, um, can I feel you breathe again?"

"Oh, you mean the diaphragm thing?"

"Yeah, can I see you do the two together?"

"Sure. Turn around."

Chris faced her and his eyes widened. He dropped his voice, "We have company."

"What? Who?" she matched his whisper.

"Cant' tell, there's someone sitting in the pilot seat behind the board."

Issey turned to look but the room was too dark. There was definitely a figure in her seat so she went to the booth, rounding the corner her breath caught.

Darren was lounging, his feet up on the board, and arms behind his head, wide smile on his face. "That was cozy."

"What are you doing here?"

"Finished some choreography changes with Zach, realized you weren't back yet and thought you might want company. Come over here." He held his hand out to her taking his feet off the board.

She moved closer but didn't sit in his lap as he'd been motioning for, she stood close and he wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning his head against her stomach. "How much longer?"

"Depends on your boyfriend over there." Chris had come to stand in the doorway.

"For the love of God man, sing pretty."

"Oh calm down Horndog. You guys need a minute alone?"

"No, we don't," Issey turned to Darren. "I'm working. Behave yourself and you can stay."

He made a pouting face as he put his feet back up on the board.

She went to Chris and took his hands placing them on her midsection, breathing the way she had shown him to lift the soft palate and drive down the tongue.

"This is like porn." Darren observed.

"Get out." Issey pointed at the door prompting Darren to raise his hands in surrender.

"Not another word, I promise."

Chris tried a few times on his own while watching and feeling the way Is did things and then felt ready to try to fix the song. She sent him into the booth, nudged Darren back from the board in the rolling chair and set up play back.

"Am I gonna get kicked out if I pull you into my lap?"

"Only one way to find out."

He tugged at her hips and she fell into him. "I thought you were going to be discreet around the rest of the cast." She had her back to him, sitting up and away from him and watching Chris as he waited to get to the correct part of the song.

Darren sat up and nuzzled his scruffy chin against the back of her neck, "Chris doesn't count. Kid sees through walls. He knows everybody's secrets. You two were cozy when I got here."

She shook her head at him, "Really?" She could feel his lips form a smile against her back. Chris started to sing and it was clearly worth the time they'd taken to fix what was happening.

Darren sat back and Issey followed, allowing herself to melt against him. "Christ, I thought he was amazing before."

"He was he'll be perfect when I'm done."

"Tell me you mean overall and not tonight." He kissed her neck.

"I mean overall, this is it for tonight, but I don't really see us taking that long ride back alone."

Chris shielded his eyes "Hello? If you guys can come up for air for a second, how was that?"

Is leaned forward, "It was fine, smartass, and we were listening. You're done. Let's go home."

Darren whispered, "Were you listening?"

"I'm a professional."

Chris appeared again at the door. "Fine? I'm here til 5 AM for fine?"

"You were genius; it was like listening to angels sing. Can we go home now?" Issey teased.

In the car on the way home Is tried to check her email on her phone but Darren's fingers playing in her hair made it hard to concentrate. Chris was lost in a game of Angry Birds and swearing under his breath every time he missed. At the hotel Chris pretended to need to stop at the front desk so Issey and Darren could go up without him. Alone in the elevator they came together quickly for a kiss.

"Let me stay in your room tonight. Zach went to bed when I left, I'll leave without him seeing me later."

"I'm scared of how easily persuaded I'd have been by that if I were going to bed."

More kissing then, "I'm not sure which of those thoughts I want to chase, you aren't going to bed, or exactly how easily can I persuade you to give up on whatever you were going to do instead of going to bed."

The elevator stopped at her suite, he got out with her. "No. You have to go, I have to work."

"You've BEEN working. Let's just lay down for a little while, an hour. I owe you kissing."

He was sleepy despite their afternoon nap, his lids were heavy and his hair was as messed up as it was when they woke up earlier. It was so attractive she ached. "Hmmm, true enough, but you need to sleep some more, you have to be pretty tomorrow night. I just have to be loud. Go to your room, get as much sleep as you can get." She kissed him for a very long time then whispered a promise in his ear that she wouldn't be letting him sleep the next night at all.


	13. Chapter 13

Everyone spent the day going in a hundred directions. Zach ran between the main stage and the auxiliary stage trying to figure out how to work with what boiled down to a ridiculously steep ramp and needless drop offs on the main and a boxing ring for an auxiliary. He grabbed whatever cast members he could to see how people fit, how moving down stage worked now that he saw not only the depth of the ramp but the width which turned out to be about a third of what he'd anticipated from the sketches he'd seen. Issey started at the top balcony in the back, per her usual routine. The sound had to translate here without being muddy and over processed. As Zach ran through choreography with one set of people for one song she'd have another singing something entirely different. To everyone's credit there was very little confusion. The folks working with Zach worked from headsets and Issey used band playback over the speakers. Everyone in a coordinating position had a walkie talkie to keep in touch, Issey using it to talk to the board and direct the mix until she grew too frustrated and ran down to take over. This too was her normal for her. She simply could not leave something so important to another's hands. She'd been known on earlier tours to get in trouble with the unions by climbing scaffolding to spin lights just where she wanted them. It seemed easier to learn how to do something herself than to try to explain what was in her head. This was when she got crazy, the gloves come off and it was time to get to brass tacks. Lea was called up to run Firework but didn't want to sing full tilt, preferring to save her voice for the show. "Once through at full volume and we'll drop it down but I need to get levels and I need to make sure you're pacing stays correct." Lea brought the mic close to her mouth and spoke softly, "I just don't even like to speak the day of a performance." "And I just don't like surprises with a full house. Sing it." You could just see the steam coming from Lea's ears but she gave in singing a cautious performance during which Issey not only made notes but coached her from the mic at the board, something Lea clearly did not appreciate.

"Okay, get off the stage. If you're not even going to try you're wasting my time."

Lea stormed away and could be seen flat out running to Ryan and gesturing wildly. Amber was up next, she wandered out to center stage, wailed a perfectly pitched half a song and was excused with thanks and praise. Issey's phone buzzed in her pocket, Ryan was calling her.

"Yeah?" 

"Lea's ballistic; you think it's a good idea to upset her on show day?"

"You want me to put my name on a show where people refuse to sing one time with a running board in an arena setting? Forget it. You think she's pulling a diva act? You ain't seen anything; I didn't build my reputation babysitting people who think they're too good to work." She disconnected and called Chris up next.

It was clear he was trying to remember everything she'd taught him the night before and while his voice was the better for it his overall performance suffered some for his concentration.

"Hey Chris? You're working too hard. Let's just try it through and not worry so much about all the stuff we're learning okay? That will be second nature soon but for right now just let go and sing the way it feels best."

He started again and this time seemed more like himself. He managed to remember to drop the H sound in front of his I and got his breathing right about a quarter of the time which was a pretty good start. She let him go and went through a few others before calling for Darren.

When Darren took the aux stage where his performance would start it was directly in front of the board. She wasn't really looking at first, just playing with knobs and slides, and then making notes. Starting playback before looking up she then had to shut off the mic button as to not make any strange noises to the entire room. He was clean shaven and his beautiful curls were gone, his hair cut and slicked back, He had to be Blaine by tonight, naturally that meant getting him back to the clean cut preppy boy she'd expected the first time they'd met. It seemed like forever ago and she had a very hard time reconciling the guy bouncing on the stage with the man she'd been kissing only hours before.

He made it through the first song without a single comment from her. Silly Loves Songs had a pitch problem or two but she was happy he was able to hustle from the aux stage to the main stage without getting winded. When he got up to the stage he lost his way and went entirely flat. "Dare…hang on , I'm going to pull this back some. I'd like you to start just the last few bars again."

"Yeah, sorry, completely lost it there."

"Do you feel like it's the walk or …"

"Maybe, I just gotta concentrate a little more."

"We'll work on it. I think you need to fix your posture, that may help."

He tried standing straighter and finished the song. She decided to finish there even though Raise Your Glass was the song she was most afraid of. He hopped off the stage and ran back to the board. She was making notes and waiting to hear from Zach how long it would be before they could get a full group song done. Darren hopped up beside her and checked the mic button to make sure it was off. "Hey pretty lady; I heard you're not having the best day."

She was genuinely confused by his words and couldn't help but wrinkle her nose as she turned to face him and got a close up look at the greased back hair. "Huh?"

"Lea said Ryan was going to call you about giving her crap in front of everyone."

"Oh that, don't you worry your shiny head Fonzie, I don't lose sleep over a skirmish that small."

"Fonzie. Nice. I take it you're not in love with the look?"

"I miss Darren."

"I'm still in here." He held her eyes and smirked a little.

"You're washing that crap out of your hair before bed. I don't want that on my sheets."

"Yes ma'am." He quickly kissed her cheek and ran to where Zach was calling for him on the main stage.

When she'd gotten through everyone she needed to see and the group number (which Lea sang half heartedly) Issey went to talk to Zach. They agreed that it was time to let the cast rest, eat and get through hair and make up.

Issey normally had more to do on show day, she was used to being in control of every little thing but the Glee show had so many people involved she found herself with time on her hands. When she told Zach her plan to go back to the room and sleep until a bit before show time he agreed to call her cell if anything serious went down on site.

She managed to eat a quick sandwich on the ride back to the hotel and was asleep the moment she fell into bed.

Before show time she was back and refreshed. She did a few group warm up exercises then went to sit with Chris while he got his makeup and hair done. They ended up laughing so much together the makeup girl sent Issey away so Chris would sit still so she found Zach and they went out front for a drink and to get set up at the board. Five minutes before the show would start she messaged the entire cast "Relax and have fun! You'll be great!"

And they were. Of course there was room for improvement, some places more than others, and some people nailed the choreography while some people (Darren) couldn't seem to figure out where they belonged but overall it was a raging success and the fans were wild for them. Issey hadn't seen Chris' part of the encore because it was a dance, being done to a Beyonce track so she had no part in it.

Chris and his bodyguard Tom ran past her to hop onto the Aux stage and she looked at Zach. "What the actual fuck is he wearing?"

Zach laughed, "You haven't seen this? Oh, you're in for a real treat. What he's wearing is NOTHING compared to what he's about to do."

She started to ask what that meant since what he was wearing was black pants that looked painted on, a black leotard, a vest and a tie. There was no reason she could ever justify a guy in a leotard. Until now. What happened next was beyond anything she could have imagined. Single Ladies began and he and the girls just started gyrating and grinding, and, sweet Jesus was he on his knee walking his fingers up his own thigh? Zach poked her in the side, "I think you might want to breathe at some point."

"Did you? Did you teach him that?"

"I gave him the moves but no on teaches THAT."

"How do you even look him in the eye after that?"

"Who looks at his eyes?"

"I did, until now."

She texted him "Congratulations I'm pregnant. Nice encore."

When the show was done everyone was hugging and high fiving backstage then getting ready for meet and greets. Issey made her way back, hugged everyone she could find and told them they were fantastic then took off back to the hotel to make certain everything was set up properly for the after party. As she got into the limo she got two texts at once:

Chris: Kid ain't mine, NOTHING gets through that leotard and even if it did the pants kill all life.

Darren: Where'd you go? I want to ride back with you.

She texted Darren: Just getting into the car now, gotta go back to the hotel and make sure all is ready. Go do m&g, we have later.

Darren: .WAIT

Issey smiled and told the driver to go ahead while she typed back: This will be the longest party ever.

The suite looked incredible, like a fantasy land. Issey changed out of her dark work clothes, a uniform of black t or tank and black jeans so that she wouldn't call attention to herself at the board or if she had to run backstage. She chose a baby doll dress, casual, comfortable but feminine and pretty. She let her hair down because she knew Darren liked that, and for the first time in a week put on a little make up.

People started streaming in before long, everyone still pumped up from the show and meeting the fans. Darren found her sitting at the bar with Jim (one of the AD's) and Naya, she caught him out of the corner of her eye when he stepped on the deck, scanned, saw her and smiled before making a bee line for her.

He touched her elbow, "Hey, Issey, they need you inside."

She excused herself and on the way in he whispered for her to go to her room and wait. After a few minutes he snuck in with her and without saying a word pinned her to the wall and kissed her hard. "You look gorgeous." It was mumbled into her neck his hands still gripping her hips in place.

She braced her hands against his shoulders and pushed him back, "I take it no one saw you come in here?"

He didn't answer just kissed her long and slow so she gave up and melted into him. They stole as much time as they could then knew they had to get back to the party. She went out first and knocked a signal on the door when it was safe for him to creep out behind.

The next few hours they stayed away from one another so they would not arouse suspicion. Issey danced and drank and laughed with the cast and crew. The night got cooler so she went inside to get a sweater and stopped dead when she passed the kitchen and found Darren and one of the back up dancers from the show kissing against the fridge.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: An anon says they report this fic as a rpf so it's possible it will get pulled. If it does please feel free to email me to continue reading elsewhere as I have it published in other places under the same pen name. Thank you for all the support!

It was a split second but it felt like forever. Issey's legs felt like lead moving through mud but she was running to her room. She was going to cry and there was no way Darren or anyone else was going to see that happen. It was no good telling herself she'd only known him less than a week, she was half in the bag, feeling raw from not having any time at home with people who really knew her and she was going to have herself a good bawl.

She went to the bathroom, grabbed the tissues and sat on the edge of the bed, letting the tears fall without bothering to wipe them away. How could she have thought this was anything other than a road hookup, a failed one at that since they didn't even really…well, thank God for that. She knew she didn't have the rock hard body of a dancer, she wasn't some perky cute teenager, and there were lines on her forehead from frowning so much and straining to see when she didn't want to give in to glasses. They barely knew each other and she had shown him too much of herself too soon. No one wanted a mess on their hands and she'd been a mess with him from day one. So stupid.

Finally she half heartedly swiped at her nose with a tissue and curled into a ball on the bed. She'd leave the tour, they didn't need her so much now that the tracks had been taped and someone else could come and take the day to day crap from here. She just didn't want to do this anymore for awhile. She wanted to call some old friends, if she still had old friends and sit at home eating pizza in her pajamas.

Clearly she had been on the road too long. The hell with him and his stupid soulful eyes and soft lips, she couldn't even blame him. Who wouldn't pick a hot young dancer over her? How had she let herself fall so quickly for him? Was she so desperate for someone to be there for her that she'd fall into the arms of the first good looking guy who talked to her like an equal instead of an employee?

She started packing, it made her feel better. She'd call her agent tomorrow and tell him to find someone else, she'd gotten them to the first show and now she was going on an extended vacation. She was out, first thing in the morning.

There was a soft knock on her door and she went still. It had to be Darren and she was not in the mood for anything he had to say. Whether he had noticed her there or not she didn't want to deal with it now. Or ever. She just wanted to go without speaking to him at all because he clearly saw right through her and he'd already seen too much of her vulnerability.

Another knock then Chris' voice, "Is? You in there?"

She wasn't sure why but she wiped her eyes and opened the door.

Chris held up a pair of champagne flutes, "Can I come in?"

She stepped back allowing him passage and closed the door quickly behind him. "I hate parties. If you get to hide I want to hide with you." He handed her a glass and clinked it against his own, "To antisocialism"

He perched on the edge of her bed and sipped at his glass delicately, "So who are you avoiding?"

She tried to stay in the darker corners of the room so he wouldn't see her red eyes. "No one, just," she shrugged, "wasn't in a party mood."

He considered her carefully and then in a particularly uncharacteristic move made the decision to let her off the hook for the obviously bullshit answer. She'd been crying, he could see it from across the room. "So I'm pretty certain Harry Potter is on demand, c'mon." He grabbed the tv remote and slid onto her bed, patting the mattress beside him. "Don't even try to pretend you're not a Potter fan."

She sighed, he knew, there was no way he could not know but he wasn't going to call her out and she was so grateful for that. "You're on; we'll have our own party, fuck being social."

"You hear that Lord Voldemort? We're rebels and we're coming for you!" he announced and pressed play.

The last thing Issey remember was Ron and Harry on the train, Harry being snarky and Chris being snarkier. They were both asleep when Darren finally went looking for her, finding her drooling and snoring on Chris's shoulder. He fixed her sheet exactly the way she liked it, pulled it lovingly over them both then kissed her cheek before leaving the room. As far as he knew there would be other nights for them, and she was resting happily.

Some time in the night Chris woke up, disoriented and slightly alarmed to find himself not alone in bed. Then he saw the box of tissue on the nightstand and remembered. The curiosity of what might have happened to upset Issey was killing him. It had to be Darren related but she obviously didn't want to discuss it so he'd leave it alone. The truth would out soon enough. The question now was how to extract himself from her and get to his own room. He tried to gently roll her away from him like he'd seen Ross show Chandler on Friends but she woke up as soon as he started to roll her over.

"Mmm? Where are you going?"

"Thought I'd go to my own bed before I drown, you drool." 

"I do not, that was you. I think you have a crush on Ron Weasly."

"A ginger? Please, give me credit for a little taste."

"Okay, he's a ginger but he has a decent body nowadays."

"Yuck. No."

"Don't tell me you're hot for Harry?"

"That would be you. I saw you giving him the eye. No."

"MALFOY!"

"Shut up."

"Oh my God you have a crush on Malfoy! But he's a jerk!"

"So are you but here I am."

"Be nice to me I'm sad."

His eyes softened. "Yeah, I got that. Wanna talk about it?"

"Let's just say I don't get stupid often, but when I do I get colossally stupid."

"Uh oh. What did you do?" He sat up and pulled her back against him. "Tell Uncle Chris."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm done being an unholy mess of a girl."

"You'll try to be yar? I like Philadelphia Story as much as the next guy but let's not run lines. Tell me what's going on."

"It's late, you go, you need to sleep. I'm going to bully you tomorrow about the mistakes you made tonight."

He laughed and dropped a kiss on her head. "That's the Issey I love. Okay, goodnight, but no more crying. Call me if you change your mind about talking."

"Hey Chris? Thank you, for just, hanging out with me tonight."

"My pleasure."

The suite was empty, presumably with the exception of Zach sleeping in his room. Issey got up and took her bag into the living room. She put the dvd from the show into the player and put the sound on low. Grabbing her laptop she began making notes on corrections that would need to be made. At 6am her phone beeped next to her, Darren: "Missed you tonight, hope you got rest."

She ignored it and went back to bed.

At 9 Ryan was on the deck waiting for her with Zach. She made herself a mimosa hoping a hair of the dog would make her feel slightly less like she's slammed her head repeatedly against a stone all night, but knowing the crying was causing her more pain than the alcohol.

During their meeting Chris texted her once to see how she was and Darren three times. 

Darren: "You awake yet? Can we have breakfast?"

Darren: "You okay?"

Darren: "Hey, Chris asked me what happened last night. What's going on? Why were you crying?"

After the last one she excused herself to the bathroom and texted Chris. "You're dead."

He answered right away, "What did I do?"

"D did not need to know I was crying."

Chris: "He asked how come we were in bed together when he came looking for you. Shit I hate texting I'm gonna call you."

Her phone rang and she hit ignore then texted him back, "I'm hiding in the bathroom, I'm in a meeting with Ryan, can't talk. Don't say anything else to D. Please."

Half way back outside there was a knock at her door. She opened it and Darren was there looking slightly frantic. He reached for her and she stepped back away from him. "What's going on? Why aren't you answering me?"

"I'm in a meeting. You have to go."

"Wait a minute. Come here." He held onto her hand and tugged her into the hallway. "Talk to me, What's happening? Why were you crying?"

"Doesn't matter. Chris shouldn't have told you. I was drunk, that's all. I have to go back in."

"There's time for one kiss," he tried to pull her close to him but she pushed him roughly away, "I'm sure there's time for plenty, I hear the dancers are in room 233." And she went inside and locked the door behind her before he could respond. It was childish and dramatic and she knew she should have handled it better but fuck it.

She finished her meeting then stayed busy going over notes with various cast members throughout the day. When she got to Chris they were alone on the balcony. He sat beside her on the piano bench. "Darren said you're mad at him about kissing Claire."

"No, I love him for kissing Claire. I think it was the best thing he's ever done. Stopped me from making a bigger ass of myself than I already did. Can we work on your song now?"

"I wish you'd told me this last night. Claire kissed everyone, guys, girls, she kissed me twice before I finally hid in your room."

"He wasn't exactly pushing her away."

"How long did you watch?"

"Felt like days."

"Okay, did he have his hands on her? Was he holding her?"

"I…I don't remember."

"Bet anything he didn't. He likes you."

"Maybe he did but I blew it. Now instead of waiting to see what was really happening I reacted like a jealous teenager. Not my proudest moment."

"You were drunk. He was drunk. It was a party, people do stupid things."

"I told him off this morning."

"Yeah. He told me. He wanted me to see if I could get you to talk to him, so obviously he's not running away."

"I'm too embarrassed. I acted like he was mine, like I had a right to be upset. We've known each other a few days for God's sake. He's gonna work out that there's something wrong with me at some point soon. No, its better this way, I'll just keep my distance."

"You're an idiot. Give him a chance to talk to you, start being a grown up now."

"Maybe. We'll see. I can't talk about this any more, let's just work."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: My apologies for the long delay in updating. I have been (and continue to be) fighting a nasty sinus/throat infection so while the muse is willing the body is weak. A huge thank you to everyone who emailed and reviewed with concern about my absence. I love that you care about this story.

After her coaching time with Chris she'd had a break which he took advantage of, hounding her about talking to Darren. Admittedly Chris didn't have a wealth of experience to draw from and he hadn't known Darren that long, only a few months but he liked them together, and hated to see her acting so stubborn about something that shouldn't be a big deal. She tried to sweet talk him into dropping the subject but he was adamant. It was, to honest, a little weird how invested he seemed.

She attempted to nap but instead spent the time going over the conversation she'd have to have with Darren in her head. Everything she could say seemed over dramatic, nothing like a normal person would say, but lately she felt like she didn't have a strong tether on what normal was. She spent too much time in her tour bubbles and not enough time out in the world, interacting with different people. Her head pounding, Issey checked her room one last time. They'd be busing out directly from the show and while she was used to clearing hotels, today had been a fuzzy endeavor. When she was certain all of her belongings were safely ready for pick up she wandered to the kitchen to try to float her headache out with a huge glass of water with cucumber, finding a gorgeous arrangement of wildflowers on the countertop. The card had her name on it, the envelope still sealed. She guessed they were from Ryan for the first show. Opening the envelope she set her glass down with a thud.

Is- Let's just talk, please. D.

Before she left the hotel Issey texted him.

Is: Thx for the beautiful about 2day. Know I wasn't fair but please can we not talk about personal stuff until after the show?

Her stomach was in knots as she rode the elevator downstairs, worrying that he didn't answer right away, but knowing he had things to do and was most likely not checking his phone. He answered as she was walking into the arena:

Darren: I'll b professional. WILL we talk after the show?

She sent the answer before walking into hair and makeup where she was certain he was sitting given the time.

Is: If u want 2 we will. Let me know if u want me 2 take ur bus 2nite. We can talk after everyone is asleep.

No one looked up as she walked into the room. She headed directly for Chris who cut his eyes to Darren, texting away on his blackberry. "You talk to him yet?"

Her phone beeped that she had a message. "That's him."

Chris rolled his eyes at her, "You're in the same room."

"Shut up. Nice hair." She ignored his defense of the slightly too high flip on the top of his head and turned her attention to her phone.

Darren: My bus pls.

It ended with a smiley face which made her feel better about acting so much like a teenager. Her phone beeped with another message.

Chris: I'm actually talking to you. Put that damn phone down.

She leaned over and kissed Chris on the cheek. "You're a pest. I'm going to ride the boy bus tonight and try to talk to him when everyone crashes. No staying up and eavesdropping."

"I won't need to; I'll get the play by play from you tomorrow. I need my beauty sleep so when you make up try to keep the moaning to a minimum."

"I can guarantee there will be zero moaning."

"That's what you say now but wait until Hunkboy works his magic on you."

"Hunkboy is not going to be working any magic; he's going to be wondering what the hell he was doing with a neurotic mess like me."

The show seemed to fly by. She had her overnight bag with her so she could load onto whatever bus she chose. They were traveling with four buses, two primarily for the boys in the show (the warblers needed their own bus along with a few male dancers), one for mostly the girls in the show and one for female dancers, hair and makeup, Zach and Issey, though it was Issey's experience that no one ever stayed on their assigned bus on a tour.

She climbed onto the "boy bus" and thought to herself how it smelled just fine now, but wait until the guys lived in it for awhile and she wouldn't want to be anywhere near it. Boy buses were always the worst smelling, girl buses always had the grossest food left behind. It was just one of those things. Cory and Kevin were super excited about her joining their bus first night out. They were amped about pretty much everything right after the show. She hung with the guys talking about what they thought of the crowd, what they were hoping to see and do while on the road, and listened as they gave each other crap. Chris and Darren sat half way toward the back and played Mario Kart. There was very little conversation, just a bunch of grunting and swearing mostly.

One by one the boys trailed off to bed until Chris relinquished his Wii remote to Chord and went up to say goodnight to Is. "Where are you sleeping? I mean, if not in the obvious place?"

"I don't know what seems obvious to you but I'm sleeping right here, if I end up with time to sleep. I have to go over the video from tonight."

"If you want to come share my bunk just crawl in, only no drooling tonight huh?"

Issey understood, he wasn't offering just a place to sleep; he was offering comfort if things didn't go well. She thanked him and hugged him goodnight.

Chord was a machine at MarioKart. Darren hung in for awhile but then excused himself saying he'd played for too long and was getting a headache. He wandered up front and found Issey at her laptop with headphones in. She pulled one side out when he sat across from her and heard the sounds of the Wii still coming from midbus. She looked at Darren and sighed. "He look tired?" she asked quietly.

"Not especially. If you're fading we can talk tomorrow."

"I have work to do, but you go to bed. I haven't had one on one time with you since shows started so I'll pull you tomorrow for coaching."

He shook his head, "Don't think I can sleep until we do this. Hold on." After a brief disappearance to his bunk he returned with his guitar. "I'll play, he's only paying attention to the game, I think everyone else is asleep, if we talk quietly we should be fine."

Having the noise of the game was probably a better cover than hoping everyone was asleep and the added strumming of Darren's guitar would further distract from any quiet conversation. Her stomach flipped. It was one thing to plan out what she wanted to say when he was an abstract idea, but another entirely when he was sitting in front of her. She still felt everything she'd felt since that first night. Something about him felt like she'd known him forever. The problem was it felt like too much, it was too soon, so she began.

"I've been trying to figure out how to say this all day and I'm still not sure I know. All I can do here is be honest."

"Can I say something first? I don't know what you saw or heard but I didn't kiss Claire. She kissed me, she kissed everyone. She followed me around for awhile and kept holding onto my arm, leaning her head on my shoulder, trying to kiss me. I tried to be nice about it because she was just drunk but eventually I told her to knock it off before she got herself kicked off the tour" He slid his guitar to the side and leaned forward to whisper, "I meant what I said, I don't know what this is, but there's something here and I'm not interested in screwing that up."

Issey chewed her lip until she was frightened she'd break skin. He sat back and went back to his guitar. Finally she spoke, "You're being sweet, but you don't owe me an explanation. You're obviously free to kiss or whatever, anyone. I overreacted."

He shook his head, "Chris said you were embarrassed about that, but you shouldn't be. If I'd seen someone kissing you I think I would have been pissed. I know I would have been hurt."

"See, that's not me, and there in lies the true problem. I've been in long term relationships with guys and been at parties and seen them doing more than you did with Claire. It didn't bother me at all. I'd laugh it off. I know people get carried away at parties, I know people get drunk and do stupid stuff. I've never been a jealous person. I'm the kind of girl who, if you decide you'd rather kiss some other chick goes, yeah, go, make out with her, see if it's better. You like it better you let me know, I'll move on. Just don't hide it from me. But last night, well, two nights ago now technically, when I saw that… I just broke. I wanted to hide, I wanted to go home and never come back. I didn't WANT you to tell me I just wanted to get away. It's not normal for me, and it's not healthy after knowing you for such a short time." She had set her laptop aside now and had her knees pulled up to her neck, her feet balanced on the edge of the sofa. She tucked her chin behind her legs and peered at him over her knees.

Darren paused in his playing to consider then started strumming again. "So it scared you that you cared so much?"

"Partially. So much, so quickly. That I let myself get as vulnerable as I did and as attached as I did so fast."

He nodded, "Scares me a little too, how I got so attached to you so fast I mean, not your attachment to me, or your vulnerability. I think it's awesome that you're so strong with everyone else and let down your guard with me. Almost everyone else."

"Chris?"

"Chris. Not going to lie, I WAS a little hurt last night. I tried not to be, but I was. I wanted to be the one that was there for you."

"You are. You have been. Chris…it's different with him."

"Why?"

"He's more like a best friend."

"Yet you've known him slightly less time than you've known me. You might want to give a little thought to why that feels okay but this doesn't. Putting that aside, if we're both on the same page about being vulnerable being a good thing and that we both care for one another, does that mean we can put this behind us and go back to whatever this is?"

"No. I'll admit at first I was upset because I thought you didn't feel the same way I did, but the more I thought about it I realize what really makes me nervous is that this isn't about you, it's about me feeling lonely and burned out. I don't want to start something with you just because you're this sweet, good looking guy who's willing to let me vent to you. I don't want this to be an irr."

"Irr?"

"Illusional road relationship. You know what I mean. Like costars that think they're falling in love but really they're just together all the time in these fantasy situations and real life is suspended for them."

"So you're going to just let this go?" He abandoned the guitar and moved next to her, pushing the hair from her neck, allowing his fingers to lightly graze the skin there. She couldn't stop the way her body quivered at his touch, couldn't stop herself from nuzzling her face into the cup of his hand and sitting quietly that way for a few minutes.

The noise from MarioKart stopped, but neither of them moved away from each other. If Chord saw them they didn't know, they just sat close together both afraid of what she might say next. She swallowed audible and sat back away from him, turning to face him and spoke as quietly as she could.

" I just want to take a step back. Slow down a little, actually get to know you."

"Groovy. I'm in for that. I was really afraid you were saying you didn't want me at all anymore." He reached for her hand and she allowed him to take it, his thumb slowly stroking her palm.

"I'd just like to make sure it's really you I'm interested in, it's only fair to us both."

"Does that mean I can kiss you?"

"Brains saying no, other places saying yes."

"I don't want to kiss your brain, though I do love the way it works."

"Probably not. Not yet. It's too easy to fall into where we were before. Let's spend a little more time together first."

Their eyes met and she regretted her decision, things seemed to fall into place when she looked at him and he returned her gaze. The world made sense and she was safe, she could barely remember why she decided to slow things down. He smiled at her and lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. "You set the pace, I'll respect that but Is, you have to be clear because I'm not about to let you go just because you're scared."

Issey traced her fingertips down the inside of his arm feather light, "I may try to push but don't let me run?"

"Promise."


	16. Chapter 16

Issey did end up climbing into Chris' bunk that night, hoping it wouldn't hurt Darren's feelings but needing to feel someone close by. It had been an emotional day and Chris felt like a safe place to park her neurosis. They lay back to back on the tiny mattress, a curtain drawn around them and he whispered into the dark, "So?"

"So I'm not sure if I did the smart thing or the chicken thing but I know I listened to my mind instead of my heart."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I told him we need to get to know one another when what I wanted to do was throw myself at him."

"He has that effect. At least you didn't tell him it would never happen."

"I didn't but I don't expect guys like him wait around for long."

"I bet he'll surprise you." Chris reached back and took her hand in his, pressing their backs together. In the morning she woke to find Chris on his side against the wall of the bus, facing her but away from her. She was flat on her back, taking up all of the space. His hair was a wreck, he had bags under his eyes and he was clearly grumpy. "I feel like I should warn Darren about what a drooling bed hog you are."

"I'm a bed hog, I'll cop to that, but I don't drool."

"No, of course you don't. Next time we share a bed I'm wearing a life jacket and water wings, but no, you're fine."

"I'd push you out of bed but I'm on the outside."

"Don't think ejecting you didn't occur to me about the third time I got your knee in my junk."

Mark pulled the curtain open and grinned at them, "You can drool in my bunk any time you want Issey."

She didn't miss Darren, sitting on the edge of his bunk just behind theirs, or the look he shot her. "Thanks Mark but I think this is my last night on the boy bus for a long time." She gathered her things and hopped off the bus while the boys dressed. Zach had them checked in and ready to hit their rooms so she went up to order room service and jump in her shower. There was a knock on her door as she got dressed and she couldn't help but hope it would be Darren.

"Hey, you want to get breakfast?" Naya looked well rested and bright eyed.

"We figured you spent the night with the boys you could have breakfast with us girls." Amber bounced in place.

She took two seconds to tie her hair up on her head and Issey joined the girls. When they got downstairs to the hotel restaurant some of the guys and all of the dancers were all there. It was kismet that Darren happened to have seats next to him so she sat beside him, bumping him a little with her shoulder. "Good morning." He smiled a little; it was hard to read what he was thinking which was new.

"How did you sleep?"

"Those bunks don't fit two people unless they're very comfortable with each other. I was okay but I don't think Chris was too happy with me."

"I heard him accuse you of drooling."

"Of course you did. I didn't for the record."

He sipped his water and smirked. "Bet you did. You do. It's cute."

Even though they were speaking softly Naya caught the conversation. "Wait, you slept with Chris and Darren knows you drool in your sleep? Wow, you work quickly." She was being quiet, obviously teasing, with a sparkle in her eye.

"Oh you know, I'll get to the girls eventually, don't be jealous." Issey responded, deciding a joke was better than over explaining. Turning back to Darren she poked him in the ribs gently, "Stop spreading rumors, I don't drool."

He leaned in to whisper in her ear, "I could make you drool" before sitting back and turning his attention to the waitress.

She looked to see if Naya caught that but she was hugging Heather who had finally made her way down to eat. There weren't any seats left so she shoved Kevin over and shared his chair with him until he finally got up and grabbed another from a nearby table. Soon the only person missing from the family breakfast was Chris, who Issey guessed was catching up on lost sleep. Everyone munched and talked about their first night on the buses, the show, how quick their costume changes were, how much running was involved in getting from stage A to B and the cute guys/ girls in the audience. Darren touched Issey's thigh under the table to get her attention from her heated discussion about the latest Patricia Cornwell book with Ashley. "Do you have a plan for today?"

"Yeah. I need to have a meeting with Lea after breakfast and then you and I are going to the Pavilion to work on some vocals."

He grinned at her, this time his intent easily read. She leaned a little closer to him "We do need to work on stuff, but if we happen to finish early and go for a drive or something I have a little time in my schedule for that."

"I haven't had the chance to shower, I'll get cleaned up while you talk to Lea, call me when you're ready to leave." He excused himself from the table and a few others followed.

Issey told Lea she'd like a word with her before they began their day and the two went to Issey's room. "I wanted to talk to you about the way I work." Issey began, motioning the Lea should have a seat in the small sitting area. "I understand that you've been working for a long time and you feel like you know what is best for you, but I do this for a living. What you've done up until now, it's not the same."

"I've been on Broadway, I've been on stage every night and I DO know what's best for my voice."

"You know what worked on Broadway, where the theaters are about a quarter of the size of the places you'll be playing now. I know you've been the star of the show, touted as the greatest singer on the stage but I'm here to tell you that live Amber sings circles around you."

"Your opinion."

"And my opinion means something in this business. Your voice could be so much more than it is why are you afraid to learn a new way?"

"I think I've done just fine with my voice, I don't know why it is you feel the need to put me down, whether you're intimidated by me or just feel like you need to keep me in line but I don't appreciate it. I have a vocal coach, I don't need another."

"You see my interest in helping you expand your craft as a put down? I'm not interested in wasting my time. If I didn't think I could help you I would just let you do things your own way. Are you honestly so arrogant that you don't think you can learn from anyone new?"

"Wow, we're really not getting off on the right foot here are we?" Lea changed tactics.

It was fairly transparent that she was putting on a show of being the bigger person but for now Issey would take it as the small opening she needed. "Of course I'm not saying I can't learn, I guess I just worry that tour isn't a time to change what's been working for me."

"If not now, when? Look. I'm here, I think you have a real gift but you've become static with being as good as you have been instead of stretching to see how much better you can be. I'd be happy to work with you and show you what I mean. If you try my way and hate it we can stop but I will insist you do sound checks with everyone else regardless of whatever else we work on together."

"Okay, I'll try it out. Do you want to do this today?"

"No, I have today scheduled. We should try it on a day off. I'll let you know, but thank you to being open to it. I promise my intent is not to work your voice into the ground, just to help you stretch a little." She walked Lea out then sat on her bed to take her hair, still damp from the shower down from the quick bun she'd made for breakfast. It made loose curls from the twisting while wet so she gave it a quick squirt of curl shaper gel and left it be. She took a minute to add some scented lotion to her arms, legs and neck before calling Darren. She knew she should be focused on the work ahead of them but really she couldn't help but wonder how they were going to back track to just getting to know each other when all she wanted to do was melt into him.

She had asked for a rental car while they were in California, they'd be spending a few days at the same hotel and she knew she'd want to be able to move whenever she liked. What she got was a cute little white convertible, not expensive but fun and fast enough. She got the keys from the hotel concierge and went to wait in the car for Darren who trotted out a few minutes later looking better than anyone had a right to in just jeans and a soft tee shirt. "How'd you manage this?"

"Manage what?"

"We're not in a van or a limo or whatever?"

"I have my ways."

"No doubt." He climbed in and immediately started with the radio. "So what are you in the mood for?"

She considered a minute, "Classical."

"Yeah?. Okay, classical it is. Who's your favorite composer?"

"Mahler."

"Dark. I can see that."

"Yours?"

"I don't think I have a favorite. I mean, I have some I love to play, and some I love to listen to. Depends on my mood too."

She navigated the streets expertly, taking a short cut to the arena for the evenings show. "You play classical piano?"

"I can, but most of my experience playing classical music is with the violin."

"What the hell can't you play?"

"Plenty. I'm lousy with a gamelan."

This got a chuckle. "I bet you'd be great with it. That's one of my favorite instruments by the way. I've got at least 6 cds of gamelan music at home."

"Liar."

"Swear. I'll show you some day. What about timpani, how are you with that?"

"Well I can drum, but I've never actually tried. How hard can it be, it's like one beat per symphony?"

"The most dramatic beat though. Will you play violin for me?"

"I will. I'm rusty though so don't expect much."

"When we're in LA?"

"Yes, when we're in LA. Are you going to show me your cd collection when we're in Boston?"

"Wait, I said I'd show you my gamelan cd's, not let you loose in my whole cd collection." She pulled into the back lot after flashing her all access pass to the attendant.

"What are you hiding in that collection? The complete works of Air Supply?"

She parked and jumped out. "There is NOTHING wrong with a little Air Supply."

"So it's worse than Air Supply. What's worse than Air Supply? I don't even have a guess."

She linked her arm through his as they made their way to a rehearsal room backstage. "I'm hiding nothing. I just think that's a very intimate thing, someone's music collection. You learn so much about them, I don't know if I'm ready for you to know that much."

"We have plenty of time before we get to Boston, but we'll be in LA soon. I'll let you wander through my music AND movie collections if it makes you feel better." Their eyes connected as they got to the door and he smiled at her. "I like this getting to know you stuff. I'd like it better if there was kissing, but I like it."

"Okay, behave yourself, once we get inside its work time." She had to force herself to look away from him.

"You spend a lot of time telling me to behave."

"Wonder why I feel that's necessary?'

Walking behind her he ran a finger down her spine, "Because being close to you makes it so impossible to do?"

She turned to face him and took his hand, "You're torturing me. Is that your intention here?"

"A little. I have to make the most of the time we have without everyone around don't I?"

"I'm thinking about changing the rules, but let's get some work done so we can get out of here, okay?"

She did some breathing work with him then went over some of the stuff they'd learned before. It took time for things to become natural and she noticed that when Darren got really into being on stage he neglected his training and just sang with abandon.

"I wish I could keep you in my head when I'm up there, things sound so much better when I keep them in control but I get on stage and I just want to explode, like, leave it all out there."

"I get it, but think about the best performers you've seen. Light and dark, shades, balls out wailing and sensitive quiet, it's about the balance. I don't mind you setting things free and not hitting every note perfectly but I want you to be able to pull it back and give them the small moments that everyone falls in love with. You do it when you're performing as you, you just can't seem to do it as Blaine."

"So you've been watching my shows?"

"On youtube, yes, and the performances of the Glee tour from last year. It's research."

The glint in his eye told her he wasn't buying the research thing for a minute but he wasn't about to challenge her.

After working on as much as she felt like he could handle for a show day she pushed herself away from the piano. "So, movie, drive up the coast, picnic, other?"

"Depends, what is this other, and does it involve the rule change you were considering?"

"Other meant something I'm missing that you'd rather go do or see."

"Let's see if we can find somewhere to get stuff for a picnic and then drive til we find a cool place to sit in the sunshine for awhile."

She flipped Darren the keys, "Sounds good to me, you drive."

Issey had a thing for watching men drive. It was best if she could see them drive their own car but the rental would do for now. She found that most men who were serious and gentlemanly in general were aggressive drivers and guys who were silly and fun to be around were serious drivers. As with any rule there were exceptions but she was anxious to see Darren behind the wheel. As it turned out he drove the same way he lived, relaxed, comfortable and in charge, but willing to bend and give as the situation warranted. More than anything she liked watching his hands on the wheel, strong and steady, and watching his face when he didn't realize she was looking. No pretense, just mild concentration in his eyes. He looked like a man, not a guy, not a musician or a star, a man.

They rode in companionable silence for a short while. At one point after he turned and caught her watching him he reached over and held her hand, smiling easily. "There doesn't have to be pressure here you know. We can just enjoy a day out without rules or plans or whatever."

"I know. The rule change I was talking about wasn't so much…I was just thinking about what you said, about packing things in when we aren't around the others." She stroked her thumb across his hand, "I think, if we're slowing things down, we shouldn't really hide…" she searched for the right word.

Darren supplied it, "Our attraction?"

"Yes, okay, good, our attraction to each other, as long as it doesn't appear that I met you and fell into bed with you the first day, I think it's okay for the others to see things develop naturally."

"Can't say it wasn't fun sneaking around but I like this better. Does this mean next time you're on our bus you won't be sleeping in Chris' bunk?"

"Does that really bother you? You've brought up the Chris things a few times now." She turned a little in her seat to face him. "What if it was Naya? What if I just jumped into her bunk to chat and fell asleep?"

He thought about this for a few minutes. "Are you attracted to Naya?"

"Sure, she's smokin."

"Then it would be the same. What if I hopped into Naya's bunk, just to chat?"

"Just to chat? I'm okay with that."

"And spent the night."

She turned back to looking out the front window and for a few minutes he was worried because she went so quiet, then, "I'd be heartbroken. Which is part of the reason I want us to step back because it's too early to be that invested, but if I'm honest... yeah. I'd hate it." She went quiet again, obviously still thinking this through, "You're assuming I'm attracted to Chris."

"You're assuming I'm attracted to Naya."

"That's not much of a leap really is it?"

"You and Chris have wedding plans."

"Are you going to make me state the obvious here?"

"What? That he's gay? I don't believe in absolute sexuality. Do you?"

She leaned across the seat and settled against him, he moved his arm around her. "No, I never have, but I just don't really think of Chris that way. It's more like a brother thing. I'd be okay with you bunking with Chord for instance. He's attractive but I've seen you guys interact, it's very brotherly."

"I've known Chris for just a few months but he doesn't seem to attach himself to people quickly. With you it was like an instant bond and that makes me a little nervous."

His arm rested across her shoulders, she feathered her fingers across his skin and bent her head to kiss the soft flesh inside his elbow, "No more sleepovers. I'm still going to hang out with him though."

"I'm not asking you not to hang out with him, I'm not even asking you not to have sleepovers, I was just wondering if it might not be as tempting to crawl into my bunk."

"Temptation is definitely on your side, but I don't think sleeping in your bunk on the boy bus will ever be a good idea. I think the best idea is that I stay off the boy bus."

"That's too bad. I had some pretty sweet plans for my bunk."

"I'll be you did, but see, if I spend too much time on the boy bus eventually something bad will happen that could destroy us."

"Like?"

"Like sooner or later we'd end up playing Mario Kart and I think it would be hard on our balance of yin and yang when I crush you."

"That sounds more like a challenge than a concern."

She smiled to herself, feeling cozy despite the cup holder digging into her back.

Before much longer she felt the car turn and realized she had closed her eyes, just allowing herself to relax into Darren's space. He parked and dropped a quick kiss on her head, "C'mon beautiful."

She turned to find he'd pulled into a small deli at the entrance to a vineyard. They entered hand in hand to find a sweet little place, filled with local wines, artisanal cheeses and fresh fruit. Darren grabbed a basket and together they filled it with snacks for the afternoon. He grabbed a package of plastic cups, some paper plates and plastic silverware and after chatting briefly with the elderly man who owned the place about what meats were freshest and most flavorful to go with the cheese they'd selected they were back in the car. He seemed to have a destination in mind but she didn't bother to ask. She was just happy to be with him and let him take the lead.

They changed the radio station and sang happily along together, pausing to tell each other stories about their lives triggered by musical memories. Darren had stories about growing up, wild times with college friends, trips across country and the back seat of his dad's car having family sing-a-longs with his brother and parents. Issey's stories were about driving aimlessly for hours and chain smoking with her best friend, talking about guys and she couldn't remember what else, or past tours and on stage mishaps, or one especially romantic evening on a fire escape with a friend where they sang to each other in the moonlight.

Gravel crunched under the tires and Darren pulled the car into a lot with a huge garish sign saying "Fairytale Town". She raised an eyebrow in his direction but he just winked and parked the car.

"What is this place?" She asked as they walked up to the entrance.

Darren let go of her hand and shifted the newly purchased picnic basket as he reached for his wallet to pay the small fee at the turnstile. "Used to come here as a kid, just popped into my mind. I think it will make for brilliant photo ops."

"That doesn't so much explain what it IS."

They moved into the park and it was early enough in the season that the only people there were young mothers with very small children. There were scenes everywhere from fairytales, set up like a playground for the children to roam and play out scenes in. and have their photographs taken.

"It's really old school." Darren sounded almost embarrassed, mistaking her quiet awe for disappointment.

"I love it. There's a place I used to go to as a kid that's just like it, called Story Book Land. It took hours to drive to but it was just like this. There's a real charm to a place that allows kids to make their own magic instead of overloading their senses.

He grinned and wrapped an arm around her waist. They sat on the lawn in a patch of sunlight near the giant red boot representing "The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe". She poured wine into plastic cups while Darren arranged slices of cold cuts and cheese around grapes and kiwi on a plate. The weather was perfect for late spring, warm in the sunlight but just enough of a breeze to keep things comfortable. They watched a laughing toddler run zig zag patterns away from his mother in an effort to spend just a few more minutes in the land of his own imagination.

"I'll bet you were just like that, always wanting a few more minutes here."

He set his wine glass down, making a small divot in the grass to hold it upright. "I was a negotiator. I didn't run, I bargained, or reasoned. My mother used to tell me I'd grow up to be a politician or a lawyer."

"You are very persuasive. I bet you won more than you lost."

"Mom was a pushover. She still is. Chuck and I do stuff she just shakes her head at, you know she wants to sit us down and say, 'Now boys, you know that's not what I taught you.' But we just smile at her and she's in the kitchen cooking us something good."

"Spoiled."

"Only by mom. Dad is good natured but when he said it's time to go, it was time to go. He's fair but negotiation wasn't really an option when we were kids."

"But now?"

"Well reasoned discussion is always welcome. I bet no one told you when it was time to leave. You stayed until it was prudent to go and then you left."

She laughed, choking a little on the grape she'd just swallowed. "You could not be more wrong. I never wanted to leave if I was having a good time. I'd cry, scream, stamp my feet. I'd beg for one more ride or whatever and when they gave in I'd take the ride and as I got off I'd run and hide. I scared the life out of my mother all the time, hiding under racks in stores, bushes in the woods, inside any little nook or cranny I could find at a place like this, just to get my way."

"Whatever it takes to get your way I can see that."

"It's funny, I never really thought about it, but I never wanted to go home. I always wanted to be wherever I was. I was the last kid to come in at night in the neighborhood. I wanted to stay sitting on the swings in the dark woods telling scary stories about "The ghost with the bloody finger", even just to myself, as late as I could. I don't know why that was, my parents gave me anything I could want, home was good, I just always wanted to be on the move."

"Considering what you do now it doesn't seem like much has changed."

"Guess not. I don't think I got lonely then. I don't remember being lonely. I remember when I was with friends for too long craving time alone but I don't ever remember feeling lonely."

He rubbed her back gently, "But you do now?"

She leaned against him, "I guess I do, I don't think I realized it until I met you."


	17. Chapter 17

"Where were you all day?" Chris popped a cherry tomato into his mouth from his plate. Sound check was done and they were sitting in hair and makeup waiting for his turn.

"I was here for awhile, I needed to work on some vocal stuff with Darren and then we kinda went on a date." She stole a pepper ring from his salad and crunched loudly.

"An actual date? This is fantastic! Where did you go?"

Ashley snuggled in next to Chris on the sofa, "Who went on a date?"

Chris looked guilty but Issey just shrugged. "Darren and I."

"When did THIS happen?" Ashley was at the edge of her seat. It was a dynamic Isabelle was very familiar with, even if she wasn't the one usually in the middle of the gossip. On tour, and she supposed even working on a TV show, you were in this tight group of people that you shared every day with so when something happens to one of you, all of you are effected, like throwing a pebble into a puddle, everything ripples outward.

"Today. Well, the date happened today, we've been attracted to each other since we met I guess."

"What's not to like? He's a total hottie. Good for you."

"Yeah, yeah, good for you, tell me where you went." Chris motioned for her to get on with it already.

"We, ah, we went to this old school amusement park, Fairy Tale Land or something. We took a picnic and just kinda, played all day."

Darren had just finished getting his hair done and joined them, settling on the arm of the sofa. "Anybody want to have a movie night in my room after the show? I brought my portable DVD player and a bunch of Disney movies."

Everyone thought that was an excellent idea. Ashley piped up, "Heard you had fun today."

Darren laughed and pulled out his phone, Issey making a grab for his arm too late. "Oh you guys have to see the pictures, we had a blast!"

Is hid her head, "You are not showing those to people."

"I already tweeted two of them. They're adorable."

Chris and Ashley took the phone and scrolled through the images laughing. Darren and Is had traded off taking increasingly sillier pictures of each other at each of the oversized story book tableau's, then a park employee offered to take one of them together so they posed in Cinderella's Pumpkin Coach, him slipping her flip flop onto her foot.

Chris bumped Ashley, "We have to go here, these are too fun."

"I'm in, we should all go, think of the photo ops!"

"Not tomorrow, if…IF the show goes well tonight and we don't have a bunch of stuff to work on tomorrow I've arranged for everyone to have a day at a friend's beach house."

Chris groaned, "I'm allergic to the sun, I'm gonna stay at the hotel and write."

Ashley was having none of that. "We'll get you an umbrella Sammy Snowman, you're coming."

"We'll have umbrellas and I got some beach junk for the more adventurous."

"Surf boards?" Darren wanted to know.

"Surfboards, boogie boards, volleyball equipment, we're all set. We'll do a barbeque on the beach for lunch. I just hope no one hurts themselves or Ryan will have my head on a pole."

"I'm totally gonna learn to surf." Ashley was practicing watching for waves until Chris reminded her she had a broken foot and was no way going to be surfing.

"Don't worry Ash, I'll teach you when you're better." Darren offered. "Do you surf?" he nudged Issey.

"Me? No. I'm lucky I don't fall down just walking across the room. I'll lay in the sun, I'll belly flop into a few waves, but there's no balancing on a tiny moving board. I can however spike a mean volleyball."

"BRING IT!" Ashley was excited, but then reconsidered, "Oh, wait, girls vs guys, they'll never know what hit them."

It was getting to be time to get everyone pulled together and Chris was up next for hair and makeup so Is started toward the door but Darren stopped her, standing close, "I'm really looking forward to teaching you to surf." He hand ghosted past her hip under the pretense of reaching for his water bottle.

She just laughed, "I can't take you seriously when you're all Blaine'd up." He winked and she slipped out to get things set up at the sound board.

The show went pretty close to perfect. Chris dropped his microphone while twirling it and Darren and Cory completely blew the choreography for New York and Heather's shoe flew off twice but other than that they were great. These were minor issues that didn't require a day of fixing, so the beach day was firmed up with a text to everyone telling them what time the vans would be leaving in the morning.

By 11:30 Darren and Harry's room was littered with cast and crew, all ready for movie night. Zach had stopped on the way back to the hotel and picked up bags of microwave popcorn. He'd talked the concierge at the desk into popping about 20 bags in the employee lounge then chucked them all in a clean garbage bag to bring them upstairs. .

They ordered drinks from room service and everyone found a comfy spot. Darren, Issey, Chris and Ashley shared Darren's bed, Harry, Lea, Amber, Heather and Kevin piled onto Harry's. On the floor and in the Captain's chairs were various other cast members, dancers, hair and makeup people and Zach. Darren made his way to the front of the room and held up two movies. "We've narrowed it down, Aladdin or The Little Mermaid. Anyone have a strong preference?"

Heather thought that since the next day would be a beach day The Little Mermaid seemed most appropriate and the decision was made. It seemed everyone knew the movie by heart, so everyone naturally fell into parts and did the lines with the scenes on the screen. Issey snuggled under Darren's arm, and smiled to herself when he sang along with every song, but most especially at his accent when he sang Kiss the Girl. Her turn to really belt it out came when Ursula took center stage with Poor Unfortunate Souls which actually earned her a round of applause from the assembled crew.

As the movie drew on Issey drifted, too cozy in Darren's arms to pay attention. She'd come back to consciousness when he'd boisterously supply a song or a line until he noticed she was drowsing, then he kissed her hair and pulled her just a little closer to him. He whispered into her ear, "Do you want me to run to your room and get your blanket?"

She shook her head, "Mmm,mmm. No, I'm happy just like this."

Everyone agreed they were up for Aladdin next so Lea, being closest to the player, and noticing Darren had a sleeping girl draped across him changed DVD's. One or two people shuffled off to bed but most stayed, curling into one another, drowsing on and off in pairs and groups. When the second movie ended everyone was awake again save for Issey, Chris and Heather. Naya gently shook Heather awake, urging her back to their room for bed.

Ashley tickled Chris behind the ears with a feather from her hair until he swatted her away. "C'mon you, it's time. We gotta let these folks get to bed."

Chris looked at Darren, eyebrows raised, "You want me to take her to her room?"

"No, thanks, I've got her."

When everyone else was gone Harry offered, "I could find somewhere else to sleep if you want."

Darren shook his head, "No, she won't want to stay, I just hate to wake her."

Harry excused himself to the shower to give them a little privacy.

Darren heard the water turn on and stroked his thumb across Issey's cheek, "Babe?"

She stirred but not much. He sighed, "Honey," his hand traveled her shoulder and down her back, "It's really late, do you want to go to your own room?"

Rubbing her eyes she sat up and away from him. "What time is it? Where is everyone?"

"They just left, It's a little after 4. You can just stay here if you want. I'll sleep on the chair or something."

She twisted a curl from his forehead around her finger and let herself get lost in his eyes for a minute. "No, I'm going to go to my room. No sense making things harder than they need to be."

"I'll walk you."

"It's down the hall, I can manage. You stay in bed, you're all snuggled in."

"I'd rather have a few more minutes with you."

"C'mon then. How did it get to be so late, Little Mermaid isn't that long."

He followed her to the door, "We watched Aladdin after."

"Damn, I really wanted to see that."

"Please tell me you mean you really wanted to see it again."

They switched to hushed tones for the hallway, "No, I've never seen it."

"Okay, we're going to do something about that as soon as possible, that is just not acceptable."

"I've played the Sega game, does that count?"

"No. Not even close."

She slid her key card into her door and turned to him, "I had a really good time today, thank you."

"I should thank you; you're the one who snuck us out."

"Yeah, but you picked the place. I can't even remember the last time I laughed that hard."

"You're the sexiest woman who's ever lived in that shoe." He kissed her neck.

"You're the handsomest Hansel who ever took a bite of that candy house." Her back against the door she curled her fingers around his arms, steadying herself. "Dare…"

Backing away he smiled, "I know, I know. Okay, go get some rest, you're learning to surf tomorrow."

She watched him make his way halfway down the hall before using her keycard once again and letting herself into her room.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Apologies for the long wait for this chapter. I've been sick with some mystery illness that is stumping all the specialists for months now. Part of the issue is sleeping constantly and very fuzzy thinking so I apologize if this isn't up to par. I just thank you all for sticking with me and want you to know that none of my Glee wips have been abandoned, I'm coming back for each of them eventually. Don't give up on me!

Issey's phone rang way before she was ready to let go of sleep.

"Good morning Sleeping Beauty."

She could tell from Darren's voice that he hadn't moved from his bed yet either. "Morning Prince Charming. What time is it?"

"Time to get into your tiniest bikini and let me teach you how to ride my board."

"Someone woke up frisky."

"Didn't really sleep much. How about you? Did you get back to sleep?"

"Eventually. Did anyone say anything last night?"

"About what?"

"Me? Sleeping on you?"

"Nobody even noticed. You're way more worried about this than you need to be."

"Probably." She stretched and yawned.

"Can we forget having rules and everything and just have fun at the beach today?"

"I need orange juice."

"That wasn't even close to an answer."

"Bring me orange juice in bed and I'll give you your answer."

"Done. Give me 5 minutes."

She climbed out of bed and undid the security latch and unlocked the door. It was safe enough she figured, that they were on a sealed floor, and besides, Darren would be along any minute. Then she quickly brushed her teeth, fluffed her hair and dove back into bed.

One quick knock and the door opened, "Room Service." Darren's voice rang into her room. This time she didn't have a giant suite, just a single with a small sitting room leading to her bedroom. The only door was on the bathroom.

Darren brought a tray with a pitcher of orange juice, two glasses and a single red rose in a vase to her bedside.

"How did you manage this so quickly?" She smelled the rose and couldn't even pretend not to smile ear to ear.

"You'd be surprised what I can accomplish when I'm properly motivated. Can I join you?"

She motioned for him to hop into bed next to her and filled a glass of Orange Juice for each of them. Handing him his she sighed and nudged his leg with her own.

"You aren't dressed yet."

"Neither are you."

"You JUST woke me up!"

"How long can it take to put on a little bikini?"

"You have high hopes my friend."

"It's the beach. I can't teach you to surf in a sundress."

"Thank you for the rose. That was very sweet."

"You're welcome. You can't avoid the issue forever."

"Which, the forgetting the rules and having fun issue, the bikini issue, or the teaching me to surf issue?"

"Specifically I meant the surf issue but since you brought it up…"

She set her glass down and rolled away from him with a groan, "I'm staying in bed today while you all go to the beach."

Darren shrugged, "I grew up in Hawaii and California, I can skip the beach for a day." He moved to spoon around her, but she flipped to face him. "Hawaii?"

"For a few years when I was really little." He tucked her hair behind her ear. "You really are one of those girls who just wakes up beautiful."

She laid her head back on the pillow and touched his chest. "I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be aren't I?"

"A little. It's okay though, I get it, but I want you to know whether we were on tour or living at home, surrounded by our friends, I would have wanted to kiss you a million times yesterday." He brushed the back of his fingers lightly across her lips. "I don't want us to miss something amazing while we're waiting for some sign that this is real. I think maybe we have to take a chance on how we feel."

Issey leaned up to him, finding his lips. They kissed softly, his fingers ghosting at her jaw and neck. He backed off too quickly for her liking, "Okay, I'm going to go get dressed and let you find something beach friendly to wear. I'll meet you down at the bus?"

The day was glorious, the sun gods obviously approving of the Glee Cast enjoying a day of serious seaside frolicking.

Issey called out for everyone to come use the sunscreen she had set up on a nearby table before they started running wild. Most of the girls immediately settled onto deck chairs in the sun, spreading lotion on each other and comparing sunglasses and cute beach cover ups. The guys were like dogs unleashed for the first day in the dog park, tearing up the beach and making grabs for boards, Frisbees and whatever other toys they could find.

Darren followed her to her deck chair, peeled off his shirt, and dropped it next to her chair. He covered his legs, arms, chest, and neck, while she just stared, mesmerized completely and not bothering to try to hide it. He was stunning, no one could deny that.

"Do my back?" he looked down at her with a glint in his eye.

"Sit." She moved her legs so he could settle at the end of the chair and he passed the lotion over his shoulder to her. She warmed the lotion between her palms and started at the back of his neck, being careful to cover his ears and then down the back of his shoulders. He was yelling to the boys to throw the Frisbee his way, bouncing on the seat like a four year old anxious to join his friends at the playground. She was not going to be rushed; she took her time sliding her fingers across his back, covering him, rubbing the lotion into his skin in small circles. She nudged him slightly forward and used her palms to slather a generous portion along his lower back, dipping her fingers ever so slightly beneath the edge of his shorts. When she was through she leaned into him so she could speak softly into his ear, "Did you do your face?"

"Forgot."

She scooted back in the chair pulling him down so he was laying on her thighs. She took off his sunglasses and he shut his eyes against the strong sunshine. Tenderly she applied the liquid across his forehead, down his nose, along his cheeks and chin. She followed his jawline and bent to place a soft kiss on his lips. "There, I shared my chapstick. I think you're safe."

"You'd better take that cover up off so I can do your back." He sat up and turned to face her.

"You have a one track mind today."

"It's not just today. Let's go." He motioned for her to take off the short sundress she'd worn over her suit.

"Okay" She started pulling it over her head, "I hate to disappoint but I don't even own a bikini."

What she did own was a one piece in name only, the sides were cut out but the top and bottom were joined only in the front by a silver ring.

Darren stood so she could scoot to the front of the chair and settled behind her. He whispered hot in her ear, "Definitely not disappointed."

Lea noticed the goings on and giggled, "Am I next Darren?" but Naya, ever on the ball, took the lotion Lea was shaking in Darren's direction and started applying it to Lea's back, telling her she thought maybe this was a private service he was providing.

Darren stroked the coconut scented lotion down her arms and over her hand, using it as an excuse to thread his fingers through Issey's. "You're hands are so tiny, I love them."

She looked at their hands together. "I always hated them, I always wanted long elegant fingers, but I like the way they look in yours"

He pulled her wrist to his mouth and pressed a kiss at her pulse point. "Me too." He started her back and pressed his thumb into a spot on her right hip. "Do you remember what this is?"

"Your freckle?" she laughed.

"Mine." He nipped at the back of her ear gently. "Don't forget."

She leaned back against him, "I promise. Now go play with your boys so I can tan and read."

Darren stood, "You sure you don't need help with the front?"

"Beat it, pal." She gave him a gentle kick and he took off to grab a board and paddle out behind Chord in search of the perfect wave.

Chris tucked himself away at a table under a large umbrella, his laptop open and ready. He was determined to stay on task with his latest project, a movie he'd be shooting directly after tour finished. It was something he'd written himself and he needed to put the work into turning his story into a screen play before casting.

Issey held a book in front of her but it was fooling no one, she was absolutely not reading. Her eyes were glued to Darren, shirtless, and Godlike making his way into the water, surfboard in hand. He and Chord made it past the breakers at nearly the same time and climbed up to sit on their boards. She waved at them, they returned the wave, seeming content to sit and bobble on the water in conversation for now. She was eager to see Darren riding crests of water to the shore, had stayed up thinking about it last night after he'd left her at her door.

"That was cozy." Lea remarked.

"I think they make a cute couple. Good for you." Heather wiggled her toes in the sand.

"Thanks. It's…new, but yeah, he's sweet."

"And hot." Lauren added.

"He's definitely a cutie, but Chord's a dreamboat too." Jenna shaded her eyes with her hand and watched Diana in her adorable bikini top and boy shorts get a surfboard of her own and start into the water. "Ugh, and she's so beautiful and perfect, they're another cute couple. I need a boyfriend." She dropped herself back to her chair with a huff.

Lea sipped a water then reminded her, "You HAVE a boyfriend, and a super hot studmuffin one at that."

"Oh him. Yeah, yeah, and I love him and all but a girl has needs and he's so far away."

Naya stretched in the sun, "And that's why every girl needs a Bob."

"Bob?" Lea wrinkled her nose.

Lauren filled her in,"Battery Operated Boyfriend. Bob."

Chris groaned, "Ladies, new subject, please?"

Lauren threw a shell in his direction, "Oh, Mr. Innocent, I happen to know…"

But she didn't dare finish her sentence when she saw the withering glare Chris shot her.

"Know what?" Issey couldn't help but egg it on.

"Listen you, I will throw a toaster in your bed and electrocute you." Chris warned.

Heather cocked her head, "That doesn't make sense? You mean her bath?"

Chris went back to his writing, "She knows what I mean."

"Chris is under the misimpression that I drool in my sleep,"

"Did Darren tell him that?"

"Darren and I are not sleeping together. Chris and I are."

That was met with stunned silence and Issey went back to her book with a satisfied smirk.


	19. Chapter 19

"You can do this, I have faith in you." Darren pulled her by the hand from her beach chair. He was still dripping wet, the cold droplets stinging her red hot skin.

"Maybe you should take a break, get something to drink or something; then we'll go in the water." She offered.

"Isabelle, my darling, you are going into that ocean and you are going to try surfing. "

"Uh, Darren wait, I have to tell you something." She stopped and pulled him back to her, she leaned and whispered in his ear, "I'm afraid of the ocean."

He looked at her for a long minute and then threw her over his shoulder and picked up his board, carrying it under his free arm. Once they were just above waist deep, his board drifting behind them from his wrist cord, he dumped her backwards, but caught her sides in his hands so she never went under. Issey had kicked and squealed the entire way into the water but Darren hadn't acknowledged it at all. When she was steady on her feet he pulled her very close and whispered in her ear, "Your problem is that I'm the kind of guy who listens when you talk." He stepped back, "You told me how much you hate Las Vegas because it's too far from the ocean and you hate being more than an hour from being able to dive into a wave. Told me that the first night we met. "

Issey shrugged, "You win this round, don't get used to it."

"Do I get a prize?"

"I'll let you live, which is a big prize considering you just carried me into the ocean against my will in front of ALL of my current clients."

He bit back a smile, "No, I may never get another win, you'll have to do better than that. "

"At least you have realistic expectations, okay, for your win I will sit on this stupid board. I will NOT be standing up, but I'll sit on the thing."

"Better, but I'm thinking since we're out here you were going to do that anyway."

"So what were you looking for?"

"Kiss?"

She couldn't help it, her eyes scanned to see how close everyone was. They were the only ones in the water at all anymore. The only people not sunbathing or eating were the ones playing volleyball. Well, and Chris who was still bent over his laptop, fingers flying over the keyboard. She couldn't see his hands from this far out, but he was hunched over and she'd watched him long enough to know how quickly he typed. Wordlessly she wrapped her arms around Darren's shoulders and sucked his bottom lip between hers.

He moaned from the suddenness of it. He'd expected at least some resistance, but she was melting into him, opening her mouth to his and tasting at the very corner of his lips. He held her hips so hard against the waves she knew she'd end up with ten perfect fingertip bruises. She couldn't make herself mind it. In fact she almost wanted him to press a little stronger so the bruises would last longer, maybe they'd be dark enough for her to call him out on, make him kiss each one as an apology. As her mind spun this little movie in her head she tugged at his hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss.

They broke apart, both breathless. Darren hummed a little, kissing her neck, "Best prize ever."

Issey felt her knees give just a little when he sucked lightly at her throat, "I might have to let you win a little more often."

He pecked at her lips then let her go, turning his attention to the surfboard. Holding it steady he raised an eyebrow at her. "Hop on."

She did, it wasn't elegant, but she straddled the board and then looked at him, "Okay, happy? I'm up here."

"Delirious. Now try kneeling, don't worry, I've got the board, it's not going anywhere."

"I really can't. I mean, I don't mind falling into the water, but I get the feeling you REALLY want to see me actually standing up and like, catching a wave or whatever the hell you call it and Babe, there is no possible way that is happening."

He stroked her thigh, "Don't you trust me?"

"YOU aren't the problem. It's a tiny board, a big ocean and my completely uncoordinated body."

"There is nothing I can say to that that doesn't sound lecherous so how about you just try kneeling and not worry about the next step. "

"I bet you talked a lot of high school girls out of their panties with that same logic."

Darren had the good sense to blush but not answer the accusation. "You aren't a high school girl, and I promise you can keep your swimsuit on, for now anyway, just try this."

She brushed a curl from his ear and he leaned his head into her hand, "Ok, so say I do this, I try this and I wipe out spectacularly making a fool of myself in front of you and everyone else."

"First, everyone falls when they're learning so no one will think anything of it, but okay, so suppose you fall, then you just get back on."

"If I do this I want a prize."

He squinted in the sun, looking up to meet her eyes, "You don't need a prize to get a kiss, you can have one whenever you want."

"I don't want a kiss, well, I mean, I do, kinda always, but that's not what I mean. I want, a surprise."

"You trust me to surprise you?"

"More than I trust you to get me standing up on this thing, yeah."

"You're on. You try this, really try, and I'll come up with a surprise for you."

She tried. She made three solid attempts, each time sending the board sailing at Darren's head and falling face first into the water. To her credit each time she came up laughing. This was fun, even if she couldn't really work out how to do it properly.

Darren had the feeling she could do this if she really tried but they were both too busy laughing and using the lesson as an excuse to touch and hold each other.

Issey was enjoying herself so much she forgot to keep an eye on the others. For the first time in probably eight years she forgot she was working, forgot she was a machine. Instead she giggled, splashed and dove into waves, trusting Darren's strong arms to pull her back if she allowed herself to be pushed too far under.

When the waves calmed a little she was lying on the board on her belly, Darren stood beside her as she drifted lazily next to him.

"We should go in, you need to eat something before we have to go get ready for tonight's show."

He dipped his head and kissed her, the angle was awkward but the moment was perfect.

"Stay on the board, you can at least get a ride in." he offered giving the board a small tug. She laughed as he pulled her along like a kid on a sled. Both were looking ahead to the shore, neither noticed the large wave coming up behind them.

Issey was able to stay on the board, at least until she heard it come down on Darren's head with a thud. After that she panicked and tumbled off but the monster wave had passed and she found herself being carried forward with the less intense wave behind. Normally this wouldn't be a problem for her, she grew up in the water and was used to reorienting herself quickly but she was desperate to find Darren and make certain he was alright. Forcing herself upright she found she was only just above waist deep in water when the wave passed but looking back she didn't see Darren, or the board anywhere. Fear gripped her for a quarter second until an arm snaked around her waist.

"You okay? Sorry about that, didn't even see it coming." He was closer to the shore than her, and smiling.

"I, I'm fine, is your head okay?" She rubbed her hand over his skull, checking for lumps.

He laughed at her and took her hand, "I'm fine, been hit a lot harder than that. Fortunately I'm very thick headed. Water's getting rough though, it's definitely time to make our retreat." They made their way to the shore, hand in hand. Darren parked the surfboard with the others then grabbed two towels for them.

Mark had a burger in one hand and a Frisbee in the other. "You did good out there, you almost made it once or twice. Next time less kissing, more surfing, you might actually get to ride."

Issey grinned at him, "I think it went just fine the way it was, thanks."

They ate with the others, played volleyball and even coaxed Chris away from his computer long enough for a walk down the beach.

"How's the writing going?" Darren tried to get Chris to be a little more verbal. Raising

a single eyebrow was his only 'comment' during lunch, Darren understood what it was like to be stuck in writing mode, sometimes it took some shaking to get you ready to deal with the outside world again.

"It's fine. I mean, the thing is written; I'm just polishing now, drawing out character stuff. I just want it to be right so when we get to shooting things can move quickly." Chris frowned at the sun and rolled the sleeves of his shirt down to his wrists.

"You know if you'd just let me put some sunblock on you you could get a little color." Issey offered.

Ashley gave him a shove. "And we'd be able to not see through you."

"I like my skin unblemished, thank you." Chris was so cute when he was being haughty.

After walking for 20 minutes Issey started falling behind the group, just a touch. Darren noticed relatively quickly and stopped, "You okay?"

"Mmm." She nodded that she was fine.

"Do you want to go back?"

"I think I will, you can keep walking with everyone if you want. I'm just a little…"

"Sunstroked? I don't know who wouldn't be after sitting in the blazing heat all day like you did." Chris finished her sentence.

"Wow, you and the sun need couples counseling. No, I'm just starting to get a little bit of a cold I think and it's making me tired."

"We'll all go back; my foot isn't up to sand walking really." Ashley agreed. She did so much on her feet it was hard to remember her foot was broken.

Everyone dropped onto chairs when they reached the group, Darren offered to go grab drinks but took awhile coming back. When Issey teasingly asked if he got lost he shrugged and told her he got talking to some people. She didn't miss the glimmer in his eye that suggested he'd been up to shenanigans.


	20. Chapter 20

Everyone had renewed energy for the show that evening. Chris was the only one who wasn't sporting at least a slight bronze tinge to their skin, in some cases more pink than bronze, but still, evidence of the sun touching their lives. At the half way point of the show Issey got a text message from Darren.

Darren: Your surprise will be ready after the show. Meet me at the car at 11:30.

It drove her crazy through the entire second half of the show. What could he have pulled together so quickly that they would have to drive to, and what could it be that was so late?\ She texted Chris but he didn't have his phone with him. Not surprising given how tight his costume was. Maybe Ashley would know…she texted Ashley and got this reply:

Ashley: It's a SURPRISE. Not telling.

It was frustrating but in a great way. By the end of the show she was buzzing inside her skin. It had felt so good to be in the water today, to share that with Darren and to be close to him, finally in front of the others and not have it be a big deal. She hoped whatever the surprise was they would be alone, but if they weren't that was okay too. Whatever Darren had in mind was going to be just fine with her.

Back at the hotel, 11:00 came around and Chris swung by her room. "Do you know what Darren has planned?"

"Yup."

"Can you tell me one thing about it?"

"Nope."

"But…"

"But nothing Honey, I'm not about to ruin his secret plans."

"It's a crisis. I don't know what to wear."

"Fashion crisis. Okay, that I can help with. Long skirt and a sweater. Casual, but feminine."

"That gives me no clue about where I'm going."

"Wasn't supposed to. You want clues to something ask me what I want for my birthday."

She started pulling things out of her closet and holding them up for his approval, or not. "Okay, I'll bite, what do you want for your birthday?"

"A blue motorcycle and matching helmet and leather jacket."

"Blue. Wait. Motorcycle? No. See killing yourself is kind of against company policy."

"Not, 'Oh Chris I'd be lost without you?', just 'Oh Chris, don't ruin my show?'" He gave the thumbs up her outfit while he whined

"Don't be a baby, of course I'd miss you, we have a Sea Monkey wedding planned, I'd be devastated and live the rest of my life in lonely mourning. But also, it would really fuck up my show." She pulled off her jeans and pulled on the skirt.

"Good grief, give a guy some warning."

"I was wearing panties; for goodness sake you saw more that on the beach today."

"Still, a guy likes to know when a girl is going to start peeling off layers."

"Well the shirt's next, so prepare yourself."

Chris went to look out the window while she changed her top. When she was dressed again she gave him the all clear to turn around. "So?"

"What?"

"So how do I look? Jesus, you sure you're gay?"

"Stereotype. Nice."

"Yup, you're bitchy enough to be gay."

"You'd think YOU would be less bitchy since the outfit I just picked for you is going to get you into my boyfriend's pants tonight." He dropped onto her bed.

She fussed with a little makeup, "Getting into his pants isn't the problem, it's keeping him out of mine that's difficult."

"Sounds like a waste of time to me. He's a good guy, he's obviously willing to put up with that adorable level of crazy you bring to the table and I don't know if you've noticed but he's hot as hell. Make like Nike and just do it."

"Is that Nike?"

Chris stood and groaned, "You're missing the point here."

"No, I'm not. I just told him two nights ago that I want to slow things down."

"Didn't look too slow when you were molesting each other and calling it a surfing lesson today."

"It was kissing, Chris, just kissing. It's not like we were groping all over each other." She sat on the bed next to him. "Do you think I should tell him I can't go tonight?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He flung himself backward with a sigh exposing a small strip of lily white tummy that Issey had to force herself to look away from.

She laid back too, their feet still on the floor, their backs side by side on the bed, "I dunno. I feel like I'm giving him mixed signals. I tell him I want to slow things down then last night we're snuggling in his bed, this morning we were making out in my bed and today in front of everyone."

"He slept here?"

"No, he brought me orange juice in bed."

"Look, you like him, he likes you, why do you have to make everything so dramatic?"

She lifted her head a then let it drop back, the weight of her thoughts too much to hold up. "Chris, it's been a really long time since I fell for someone and to be perfectly honest, he scares me a little."

He sat up and tugged her upright, "I guess I can understand that. I mean I'm not exactly"

She never found out what he wasn't, exactly, because there was a knock at the door. The concierge entered the room with a shawl that looked both cozy and delicate. "Mr. Criss asks that you wear this as there is a chill in the air this evening. He further requests that you meet him in the car park in five minutes."

Issey thanked and tipped him. Draping it around herself she was in shock, "He sent me a shawl. Where did he find a shawl? When did he have time to GET a shawl?"

Chris headed for the door, "Can we stop saying the word shawl Grandma? It's a wrap, and you look beautiful in it. Why worry about the rest?" He kissed her forehead, "Relax, go and have fun with the boy you like. Stop making it bigger than it is."

This said he disappeared out the door leaving Issey alone with her nerves. She didn't know why she was so much more nervous tonight than usual, but she was.

He was leaning against the car, a crowd of girls around him, flashes constantly lighting his face. From twenty feet away Issey watched as he joked, took pictures and signed whatever the fans had handy. He was a natural with them; she couldn't bring herself to interrupt. It wasn't long before he looked up and their eyes met his smile widening. "Excuse me ladies, my vocal coach is here and we have a meeting to get to." Darren walked to Issey and took her hand, leading her to the car.

"That was smooth, I didn't know how I was going to extricate you from the clutches of your adoring admirers."

He backed the car out and took her hand, "You look fantastic."

"Thank you, I had help, Colfer dressed me."

"Not literally I hope."

"Not literally, no. Where are we going?"

"I thought you wanted a surprise. Decide you don't trust me?"

She did trust him and before too long they were pulling into a parking area not far from the beach house they'd spend the day at. He jumped out and ran around to meet her. It occurred to Issey he'd probably meant to open her door for her but she'd moved too quickly.

He took her hand and walked her to the boardwalk leading to the beach. They stopped where the wood gave way to sand and took off their shoes.

"I love the feeling of sand under my feet." She ran a little ahead of him toward the water.

He ran behind her and lifted her off the ground. "I love the feeling of you in my arms."

"Mmm. That's a favorite of mine too." She turned and kissed him as he set her down, the water lapping up their legs.

Darren directed them, walking the shoreline, not talking, just enjoying the sound of the breaking waves and the solitude of the beach at night. The moon provided the only light as they made their way around a bend toward the home they'd visited earlier in the day Issey looked up and saw an area completely surrounded by flickering candles. "Uh oh, I think we're crashing someone's party, maybe we'd better retreat."

"It'll be fine, let's check it out."

"It looks pretty intimate. I think someone's having a special night."

"I hope so. C'mon."

As they approached the circle she saw that a small fire had been started in a pit nearby and a guitar, Darren's guitar was lying on a blanket surrounded by the candles.

"You? How did you have time for all of this?"

"Do you like it? I know you wanted a surprise and we were just here today but we won't be back near the ocean for a while after we leave California so I thought we should enjoy it while we have the chance."

"I love it, thank you." He was rewarded with another kiss before they entered the circle and settled on the blanket.

"You plan on using that guitar?" she nudged his thigh with her knee.

"If you want me to, I didn't know if you'd be sick of hearing me sing."

"I will never be tired of listening to you. Play for me?" she settled on her back next to him, and watched as he began to strum and tune.

"Any requests?"

"Uh-uh, whatever you want to do is fine with me."

He popped an eyebrow at her phrasing but began singing "L is for the way you look at me, O.."

It was heaven feeling the sand under her feet and having Darren by her side, moving from song to song, playing with tempos and lyrics, getting as lost in the music as she was in the moment. They stayed like that for a long time, her occasionally singing along, harmonizing or matching him note for note.

When he set the guitar down he laid next to her. " We're being watched over."

"What?" She began to sit up but he touched her arm to settle her down.

He pointed to the sky and traced a shape in the stars. "Virgo, she's watching over us."

She rolled to her side and looked at him. "So I don't even know where to go first with this. You're an astronomy geek? Or is it that you're a mythology geek? And you're an accomplished musician. And you speak Italian. And you look like, well, you. Um, yeah. Let's start with 'Who the hell are you?"

"I'm an astronomy geek AND a mythology geek, and a music geek and I lived in Italy for awhile, so yes, speaking at least a little Italian came in handy."

"Oh wait, I forgot, also an athlete, with all the surfing and your stupid perfect body."

"Well if we're going to hate on me you should add soccer player in there somewhere, though to be fair I haven't done that since high school. Also my body is far from perfect and you're one to talk, you're a"

"Stop, no we're not doing me right now, we're talking about you. You're ridiculous and I insist you start being flawed immediately. Also, show me Virgo and tell me why the great virgin in the sky is watching over us."

"I'm plenty flawed, I'm just trying to hide it so you'll like me." He pointed out the stars that made out Venus and she thought she followed him but doubted she'd ever find it on her own. She snuggled closer to him and he put an arm under her head so she was resting somewhat on his shoulder. "The thing about Virgo is she's the only woman of the zodiac, so she's strong. That reminds me of you. She knows how to stand her ground and has self control, also you. What most people don't think about though is that she's also associated with fertility, love and a good harvest. Without Virgo everything is dead and barren."

"Well tell her to look away, she's making me nervous."

He gave her a questioning look.

"I was okay with the virgin maybe watching and learning a thing or two but I'm not so good with the fertility thing."

"Oh? Something you think we need to worry about tonight?" he kissed her temple.

She kissed him deeply, "Well I hadn't planned on it, but singing to me, candles, stars, ocean...you're kinda hittin it out of the park here Babe."


	21. Chapter 21

They kissed, chatted, laughed and kissed some more until it began to rain. At first it was romantic but eventually their attempt to pretend it wasn't getting cold proved futile. "I hate to say it but as much as I'd like to think the goose bumps and shivers are for me your lips are turning blue. I think we'd better head out before we freeze."

Issey had to agree so they packed up what was theirs, taking care to wrap the blanket around Darren's guitar. He texted Issey's friend who owned the house nearby and set up the beach for them, letting him know they were going to leave.

Safe in the car she played at the curls at the nape of his neck prompting him to lean in for a quick kiss. As they broke apart she whispered to him, "Some of those goose bumps and shivers had nothing to do with the weather."

She had hoped Darren would keep kissing her; it was warmer in the car, away from the wind and the rain. He should have at least a Master's Degree in kissing. She'd never met anyone who did the things he did. When she expected soft and sweet he would make her toes curl and when she was panting for more he'd move to almost chaste brushes of lip against lip. Instead though he backed the car out and started for the hotel.

On the way they talked about past relationships, prompted by a song on the radio. Darren shared that he'd started falling for girls in 5th grade, had his first kiss in 6th grade, or as he put it, the first kiss that counted. Issey blamed his early romantic notions on being a musician, believing "Boys that age don't normally have such passionate crushes, but the ones who do usually grow up to be actors, musicians, or writers; they have souls that always cry out for the deeper experiences of life."

"I'll bet you were breaking hearts in kindergarten." He smiled at her.

"I was! I had 3 boyfriends in kindergarten. They used to fight over me. I used up all my guy magic by the age of 6 though. I kinda saw one guy when I was in junior high but it didn't last long and then didn't date in high school at all. "

"You have to be kidding, not one date in high school?"

"Not one."

"Were they guys blind, deaf and stupid?"

"Well, it was an all-girl school, so there weren't a lot of boys around, and when they were I was awkward and old fashioned. I tended to overanalyze and pull things apart. Some things don't change I guess."

"I bet you were brilliant and funny and beautiful and they were all afraid to talk to you."

"You'd lose that bet, I promise you. So anyway, first kiss that counted 8th grade."

"And the next one?"

"Um, summer between freshman and sophomore year."

"I thought you didn't date in high school."

"I didn't. He was someone else's boyfriend."

"Scandalous, I love it. Just once or was this a secret fling?"

"Just the once, it was a goodbye kiss between two people who had been harmlessly flirting all summer."

"So he was public school and you were private school? Did his girlfriend go to your school or his?" Darren loved this glance into her past.

"Ah, no. They weren't in school. He was 24."

"And you were…"

"16."

"You really were a little bombshell weren't you?"

"I wasn't really interested in guys my own age. The first kiss guy was 21."

"And you were in 8th grade? That's actually pretty disturbing."

"It is. He was creepy in retrospect. I just wanted to feel important, like I was wanted. It was the first time I felt powerful. I could change his mood with a smile."

"Did he…I don't even know how to say this, was he your first?"

"No, God no. In fact I only remember kissing him once. It was a strange situation but, let's move on. I still get a little upset about what could have happened there."

"He never actually hurt you though, I mean, I'm happy to let it drop but I just, I need to know."

"No. He scared me once, tried to trick the actual adult in charge of getting me home into letting him drive me. Everything that made me feel powerful instantly made me feel tiny and helpless. I felt like I was fighting for my life trying to find a way out of getting in that car alone. I've never felt so desperate and terrified." Her hands began to shake as she remembered pleading with her best friend's mother to allow her to stay over, to get in the car too; sure he wouldn't try anything with someone else there. Not realizing then, as she did now, that he could have easily hurt them both in the nearby woods and left them where they wouldn't be found for weeks. "I wouldn't see him again after that night; I think I realized at that point that my precocious mouth had written checks my body had no desire to cash. "

He pulled the car over to the side of a quiet road, "C'mere."

She let him wrap his arms around her, Issey couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so protected, he held her as if he could somehow pour himself into her, go back in time and push away anyone who might even look at her with evil intent. She'd been hard and solitary for so long this was too much; there was no way to hold back the tears that stung her eyes and the lump in her throat. He kissed her head and smoothed her hair, shutting off the radio leaving as the only sounds were the rain on the roof and her sniffling.

In the movies this is the great romantic moment. He professes to always keep her safe and they kiss and the screen fades to black. In real life the gear shift was jammed into her ribs and she was sniffing desperately to stop her runny nose. She wanted to concentrate on Darren's fingers soothing her but all she could think was how he'd probably never kiss her again if he looked down and saw the disgusting streak heading from her nose to her upper lip. She was certain her face was a blotchy mess.

"I'm sorry." She began to pull away, hoping she could discretely check the rental car glove box for na

pkins or anything to wipe her nose.

"I hate when you apologize for letting your guard down. Who taught you that you're not allowed to have emotions?" He kissed the top of her head.

She had no choice; at some point he was going to see she was a snotty mess. She lifted her face to him, "It was a lifetime of little lessons, not one big one. Also, I need to find a tissue because I'm beyond gross." She tried to laugh through the tears and ended up blowing a bubble with her nose. 'Oh yes, nothing will ever be sexier that I am right now' she thought.

"Well, I won't say I like seeing you cry, but it does make the blue of your eyes irresistible." He leaned into the back seat as she sat back into her own, retrieving a towel and offering it to her.

"I had hoped it would be a little warmer so we could have a midnight swim."

"I know you hate the apologies, but I am sorry. What is it about you that makes me lose the armor I've spent so much time building?"

Darren's smile was soft as he took her hand in his, "Whatever it is, I'm grateful."

"Me too. Can we go back to the hotel? I'm ready to climb into bed."

"Sure thing. Do you want to stop and grab anything on the way back?"

"Like?"

"Like a mocha shake from this great greasy burger drive though place I know."

She sat up a little straighter in her chair. "Add one of those burgers and you have a deal."

Darren started the car and they were on their way. She pushed the button to turn the radio on, hoping to end the conversation that had upset her. Within minutes they were singing along together to an old Stray Cat's song, Darren adding in silly faces and limited dance moves behind the wheel.

Thankfully the burger joint was open all night. They each got a cheeseburger, she got regular fries but Darren wanted his curly, and two giant mocha shakes. "Do you want to take this back or eat here?"

"Definitely here." She answered, "Burgers like this have a very short window of tastiness before they turn into gross solid fat"

At first they munched in companionable silence then Darren began to giggle as he sipped his shake.

"Something funny over there?"

"It's nothing. S'not important."

She poked at his side, "Tell me."

"I was just thinking that was a pretty good snot bubble."

"Gross. You're supposed to pretend that didn't happen. Making fun of me s'not okay." She said with a giggle of her own.

"But it was impressive. My brother and I used to have contests when we had colds. Yours was a respectable size but the hang time was enough to make it a winner, or at least a contender."

"You're such a romantic, always with the compliments."

"Hey, tonight was pretty romantic."

"Until I ruined it." She said it good naturedly and took a giant bite of burger to punctuate her point.

"Yeah, completely ruined. Can't think of anything that might save it." He snuck over and sucked a kiss at her throat.

This time it was him with the gear shift in his side, but he didn't seem to mind. Their burgers were left by the wayside, shakes abandoned while they steamed the windows. Breathless, she placed both her palms on his chest. "We're in a fast food parking lot."

"And?" He nuzzled beneath her ear, breath warm on her neck.

"And we're not 16."

"Soooooo, no curfew?"

She could feel his teeth as he smiled without moving away. "No, no curfew. Early meetings, long days, but no curfew."

"You did say you wanted to go to bed." He backed off a little and looked her in the eye.

"So I did. I have lessons with Lea at 8 tomorrow morning."

He grunted and sat back, "I think you mean later today."

She cut her eyes to the dashboard clock, "Ugh, yeah. "

They held hands the rest of the way to the hotel, Issey's lids were heavy. Here and there her chin dropped to her chest in sleep causing her to jolt awake and sit up straight again.

Arriving at the hotel she stayed in the car until Darren came around to open her door. He took her hand as she stepped out and pulled her into him. "Tonight may not have gone the way I expected but I wouldn't have changed a minute of it."

She snuggled against him, sliding her arms around his slim waist, enjoying the heat from his body. "I'd have changed just one thing."

He pulled back and put his arm around her, beginning toward the lobby, "What's that?"

"I'd have blown a bigger bubble, I don't like being just a contender."

He barked a laugh earning a dark look from the desk clerk. It was after 2AM and it was an easy assumption that anyone coming in and being loud was drunk and likely to be unruly in the rooms. Darren whispered an apology as they giggled their way to the elevator.

The second the doors slid closed he pinned her back to wall, kissing her, his left hand at her thigh, his thumb rubbing small circles against the fabric of her skirt, his right hand tugging gently at her hair. The urgency of the hair pulling, the gentle persistence at her leg, elicited an encouraging moan from her. She shifted her body to press back against his, clawing slightly at his back.

At their floor Darren walked her to her room, kissing her sweetly at the door. "Goodnight Bubbles."

"Where're you going?" she asked.

"You said you wanted to go right to bed."

She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him in her door. "Didn't say I wanted to go alone."


	22. Chapter 22

They kissed themselves breathless in the darkness of her room, when her feet hit the ground it was like waking from a dream; she hadn't even realized he'd lifted her. "Okay beautiful, get ready for bed." Darren put his hand on the doorknob.

"You aren't staying?"

"Just need a few things from my room.' He kissed her quickly and disappeared.

Issey tore off to the bathroom, brushing her teeth so quickly she stabbed herself in the gums. The face in the mirror was a nightmare, raccoon mascara from her crying jag and yes, there was a little grease on her chin from the burger. She was surprised he hadn't run away screaming when they got into the bright light of the lobby. Cleaning up quickly she grabbed a baby doll nightie she saved for nights that were too hot to sleep in anything more (which usually happened on the bus where you really can't get away with wearing less). Fresh faced and wearing very little she answered the door when Darren knocked softly.

He was wearing his glasses and carrying a small shave kit, other than that not much had changed. When she stepped into the only shaft of light in the room, the soft glow of a nightlight, she heard him exhale a small "oh".

"What?" she didn't know what to think, he'd stopped in his tracks and was just staring, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

"You just," he licked his lips and looked down, then back up slowly, under his lashes, "You look…"

"Shut up, c'mon." She took his hand and he beamed a smile in her direction.

He left his glasses and bag on the stand next to his side of the bed and stripped off his jeans and shirt. Rolling over to where Issey laid on her side watching him Darren met her gaze, "Hi."

She ran her hand along his bicep and down his forearm. "Hi."

He kissed her slowly then whispered, "You sure?"

She nodded her assent before caressing his cheek and smiling, "Scruff, ah how I've missed you."

His grin made her smile. "I shaved before the show. It's impossible to control."

"I'm dating the Wolfman." She giggled happily as he snarled and dove to leave a trail of kisses from her shoulder to her cleavage.

Teasing her fingers through his hair she arched her body up to meet his hungry mouth. His hands were everywhere, caressing her thighs, and then slowly climbing higher. Darren's lips met hers again, his guitar calloused fingers rough yet tender gliding up her sides and grasping her waist, holding her in place against the mattress.

Issey moaned into his mouth, every nerve in her body vibrating from the pleasure of the press of his skin, their calves winding together, thighs gliding against each other. He whispered her name, tenderly slipping the strap of her nighty off her shoulder, seeming to study the skin there.

The pout of his lips, the curve of his impossibly long lashes, his face was almost too beautiful as Issey watched him undress her. He was careful, nearly reverent in the way he exposed each new measure of flesh, sometimes kissing, sometimes brushing his cheek or chin against her as she shivered in anticipation of each new touch.

Regaining her senses she allowed her own hands to explore beginning with his back. She melted at the feeling of his strong muscles moving under flawless skin, wanting to dig her nails in and mark him as hers but holding back. The small of his back a warm, welcoming dip of softness she wished she could smother in kisses. The swell of his ass was spectacular; she gave it a rough squeeze as he tongued her nipple and when he began to suck and tease it with his teeth she allowed her fingertips to dip between his cheeks and press against the tiny pucker she found there.

He jumped and laughed, his eyes twinkling, "Oh, you want to play like that? You're in such trouble." With that he returned to kissing her, one hand tangled in her hair the other designing invisible and ever lowering loops and swirls down her abdomen until finally brushing almost too lightly over her lips.

It was her turn to call out his name, her voice hoarse with desire, her hips grinding upward, desperate to increase the feeling of him, there. This earned her a smile, "Patience, beautiful." He kept it up, only slightly intensifying the pressure, not enough to slide inside, just petting her really. Their kissing reached a fevered pitch and she was surprised to feel herself part, and finally, finally, his strong fingers slipping into her wetness.

Issey went breathless as he rocked his fingers in and out of her, thumbing over the spot that made her quake and mew. It took a moment for them both to realize her phone was ringing on the nightstand beside them.

"I…I have to check, it could be an emergency." She picked up the phone with a shaking hand and slid the screen open. Darren stilled while she answered, when he heard who it was took the phone from her, making her call out when he added two fingers inside her. "Colfer, she's busy right now, I'm sure she'll be happy to give you all the gory details in the morning. G'night."

Dropping the phone he reached for his shaving kit. "Hey!" she complained at the loss of him between her legs but decided it was worth it when he retrieved a condom. Before Darren could tear the wrapper she took it from him, "Let me." He was already hard but she couldn't help stroking him a few times before rolling it down his length. She had expected not to be disappointed with his size, his hands being larger than you'd expect for his height, and when she'd imagined him naked (of course she'd imagined him naked) she anticipated he'd be veiny. She didn't know why that turned her on as much as it did, but she was not wrong, what she hadn't figured on was his girth. It had been awhile since she'd allowed herself to get to this level of intimacy with someone and while he kissed her back and shoulder she began to worry that she might not be as ready as she thought for this.

She leaned back against him letting him wrap his arms around her, their fingers lacing together and coming apart, savoring the moment of closeness, their breathing loud and ragged. He seemed to sense her hesitation and kissed her hair, "You want to stop?"

"Of course not, its just…it's been awhile y'know?"

He nuzzled behind her ear, "We'll take it as slow as you need, but really, if you want to stop for tonight I promise I'm okay with that."

She turned to suck his bottom lip into her mouth; she couldn't get enough of his kisses. "No stopping; but I need to tell you, people assume because of my lifestyle that I've been, I don't know, wild. It's not just that it's been kind of a long time, I haven't exactly been with a lot of guys." She felt stupid saying it out loud, but he might as well know not to expect her to be good at this.

"I know. Don't worry." He kissed her jaw, and traced her mouth with a fingertip before slowly inching it down her throat.

There was no way to keep the panic out of her voice. "You know?"

"You are careful, thoughtful, honest, and the walls around you are like concrete." Each word was punctuated with a kiss, and now he reached down and caressed the inside of her thigh, "And you're so tight I'm lucky I didn't come just from fingering you."

She had to giggle at that but then began kissing him again, moving to lie down, touching all of him she could reach as she did. He followed her down and when he settled over her she wrapped a leg around him, pulling him closer onto her, grinding up against him. "Please." She pled into his ear and so he began again with his fingers, scissoring lightly, hoping to stretch her enough to not hurt her before locking his eyes to hers and entering her.

Issey held her breath without realizing it and he moved slowly at first, measuring her response. She wanted it to be amazing, she wanted it to be as magical and perfect as every moment she'd spent with him leading up to this one. Instead it was uncomfortable bordering on painful. She tried ignoring how it felt, focusing instead on his eyes, so reassuring, so safe, on his hands, his lips, the natural, masculine scent of him. She was happy just to be close to him and while this wasn't what she'd hoped for maybe she just needed to get used to being touched this way again.

He was moving slowly, trying to ease whatever was holding her back but she shifted, hoping to find an angle that would maybe be less awkward. When she moved he lost his balance a bit and thrust into her with more force than intended causing her to cry out in pain. Darren retreated immediately, moving away and lying next to her. "I'm sorry, Is I didn't mean to...I hurt you."

"It's me. I'm sorry Darren, I really thought I could do this, but" she just shook her head and turned away from him whispering another apology.

He curled around her, pulling her into him and kissed her shoulder, her back, her hair. "Stop. Please don't apologize. Do you want to talk, or just sleep?"

She only mumbled the word sleep into her pillow, not having the heart to look at him or speak right now. He got up from the bed and she was sure she'd ruined everything. He'd get dressed, go back to his room and tomorrow there would be nothing left between them but an uncomfortable wedge. Shutting her eyes tight she tried to control her breathing while she listened for sounds of him leaving. When the plush softness of her favorite blanket touched her skin she jumped a little. Darren had retrieved it from a chair in the room and covered her. Sweet enough of him, he returned to the bedside, she imagined him sliding back into his jeans but instead he dropped back into the bed beside her. "Can I hold you?"

She wiggled back a little into his arms and didn't bother trying to stop the silent tears that slipped down her cheek as he brushed his fingers through her hair and sang quietly until she finally drifted into a broken, exhausted sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Issey extracted herself gently from under Darren's arm. He was snoring softly beside her, face down on the pillow. Tiptoeing so she wouldn't wake him she grabbed a suitcase and took it with her to the bathroom. Showering was out of the question; there was no way she could turn the water on without risking waking him. She brushed her teeth as quietly as possible and dressed in yoga pants and a tee. Taking a moment to scribble a note, she left it on his nightstand with his shaving kit, placed his glasses on top and quietly left the room.

"Darren- I know you don't want an apology so I won't say I'm sorry about last night, but thank you for staying. I have that rehearsal time scheduled with Lea this morning and then I'm working with Chris until lunchtime. If you want to work on Starkid stuff or whatever feel free to stay here for the morning and have the room to yourself. I'll be back around 12:30 if you want to have lunch together before we haul out for sound check. If you'd rather go hang with the others no worries, just giving you options. Text me when you get up if you want."

In the elevator she finally exhaled. It would be a few minutes before her heart rate returned to normal. She knew they would have to talk about last night but right now she had a coaching with Lea. The outing to the beach had made some headway in her relationship with the girl but there was no way she could face both the difficult conversation with Darren AND the resistance to help Lea generally gave in one morning.

She'd been nervous about Darren's reaction to her inability to let go last night and fell asleep feeling pretty bad but in the middle of the night they'd interspersed sound slumber with moments of sleepy caresses and kisses. His patience, the easy closeness she felt with him should have made things easier but instead made them ten times worse. She had to clear her head of all of that and get focused on work.

She met Lea in the lobby so they rode together to the rented practice space. Lea thanked her for the great beach day and asked her how her secret date went. Issey told her about the beach, the stars, the rain and the delicious burgers but ended the story of the evening at the door to the hotel. Lea didn't ask for more detail and Issey had no intention of providing it.

A good 20 minutes of warm ups and Issey was ready to move on. "Let's work on Happy Days. I'm concerned about the level of your performance."

"Concerned how?" it was clear Lea was trying to control her temper, her voice was syrup sweet.

"You go all out, giving 110% power through the entire song. Sometimes softening a note and letting the air float sound out of you rather than forcing it to the back of the arena can have a stunning effect. The quiet moments can be as important, sometimes even more impactful that the big notes. Don't worry about how loud you are, just try softening some stuff. Listen."

Issey sang the song taking care to punctuate some phrasing with a powerful diva belt as expected but then allowing her voice to take on an ethereal quality. She had Lea try and the result was breathtaking. She'd expected it to make a difference in her phrasing but didn't expect her to sound as exquisite as she did. For her part Lea was laughing and dancing, excited to add this little trick to her repertoire. They worked with where and when to use this and at the end of their session Lea hugged Issey apologizing for questioning her motives.

Lea was gone just long enough for Is to check her phone and find a message from Darren.

"I'm up. Don't want to bug you while you're working. Lunch in your room?"

She texted him back, "Yes please. Can you order a salad with either chicken or shrimp (not fried) from room service for me around 12?"

His response was instant, "You sure you don't want another burger?"

She had to laugh, "NO WAY, it was yummy but enough grease for a month. You laying around in bed?"

"Without you? No point. I went and got my guitar, I'm working."

"How late did you sleep?"

"Got up when you left."

"?"

"Woke up when you were in the bathroom but you were trying so hard to be quiet I figured I'd let you sneak out."

"I wasn't JUST being a coward I really did need to meet with Lea."

"I know. Is she still there? Can I call you?"

"Lea's gone but Chris just walked in. I'll be back before you know it."

"Never soon enough. Have fun with Colfer's questions."

"SHIT" she'd forgotten the phone call the night before but knew Chris wouldn't.

He came in like a whirlwind, looking perfect as always. Falling onto the sofa in the lounge area so close to her he was almost in her lap he raised his brows at her, "So, sounded like I interrupted something pretty good last night."

"Not really." She avoided his gaze.

"Um, liar."

"You weren't much of an interruption." She laughed and got off the couch pulling him with her.

"Oh it's like that, well I'm just glad the two of you are finally done playing coy. I'm guessing this means the beach was a hit."

"It was. I mean, we got rained on, and it was freezing but it was fun and romantic and all of that." She sat at the piano and pointed at her chin for him to stand in his place. "Scales please."

"You're seriously not going to tell me anything more?"

"Are you seriously asking for details?"

"Well not DETAILS details, just y'know, was he amazing, is he as good at the rest as he is at kissing?"

"I find it really disturbing that you know how good a kisser he is."

"No you don't, you find it hot."

"Disturbingly hot then."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Yes, I am."

Chris's jaw dropped open, "He's NOT? Is that what you're trying not to say? The sex was bad?"

"I'm saying that anything that goes on behind closed doors between Darren and I is private. I notice we don't talk about your sex life."

"What do you want to know? I prefer my right hand to my left. You now have the entire history of my sex life."

"Oh I'm sure. You're full of crap but it's still more detail than I wanted so let's work shall we?"

"You think I'm lying?"

"I know you're lying."

"This is fun." Chris pulled a tall stool beside the piano, "What about me suggests that I'm sleeping with someone?"

"You're kidding right? We have real work to do here. I don't have time for your fantasy virginity." Chris just stared at her so finally she broke, "No one who has witnessed Single Ladies live is gonna believe you're not getting some."

He barked a laugh, "That's you're whole reasoning for calling me a liar?"

"Whole reason? No. Best reason? Maybe. Why would you even try to say you haven't, I mean, I'm not saying you're some kind of slut, but Jesus, Chris, look at you."

"Yeah, socially awkward guy with a high pitched voice on a tv show aimed at teenagers. I'm serious man bait."

"Are you really going to make me sit here and tell you how amazing you are? You're one of the cockiest people I know."

He shrugged and she saw a hint of a very vulnerable young man, a peak behind the mask before he collected himself. "Guess not. Thought I'd con you into saying something I could use against you later. Okay, scales."

She played, he sang. They worked on breathing reminders and holding vowels and pronunciation of his ending consonants. When she was satisfied she offered him a ride back to the hotel which he accepted.

"The car smells like burgers."

"Correction, the car smells like the most amazing burgers EVER."

"Take me out for a burger?"

"Sorry babe, I got lunch plans and you need to fit in the worlds tightest pants tonight." They were quiet for a few minutes but she broke the silence. "I believe you. "

"I don't know if that's sweet or pathetic."

"Neither. It just is. Chris you have to know that there are so many guys out there who would be head over heels for you if you gave them the chance. Do you go out? Like where do you plan on meeting someone? You have a body guard with you 24/7."

"I go out." He pouted it, "I mean, I'm constantly at awards shows, industry parties, dinners, charity stuff. I even let Lou set me up with a guy she knows but I don't know we just didn't click."

"So what are we talking here Colfer, do you want a significant other, or are you just looking to pop your cherry?"

"Ew, crass! I'm not going to just screw anyone, I want a boyfriend. I mean, I don't know, maybe I don't, I'm on the road, I work constantly, it's probably not a good time. I don't want it to be forced, it'd just be nice to have someone in my life you know? Someone to share all of the cool stuff I get to do with. I just feel like the longer I wait the more of a freak I am."

"I know. Trust me, I know."


	24. Chapter 24

Darren was on the floor, guitar on his lap, paper and pen in front of him. He was still wearing his glasses which she got a little thrill from, and was barefoot. She had no idea why this made her happy but it did. Maybe it was the domesticity of it. Mostly she was happy he had camped out in her room.

"Hi Honey, I'm home!" she called when he appeared so lost in his work he didn't seem to notice her walk in.

Setting the guitar in the corner he crossed the room to kiss her hello. "Food's on the table. You hungry?"

"Starving. Here." She handed him a carton of coconut water. "Hotel never has it."

"Oh my God you're the best! Thank you." They sat down to eat, each at an opposite side of the table by the window. "So how did training go?"

"You should have heard Lea, she sounded like an angel. She really embraced what I was trying to do." Is took a bite of salad.

"Good to hear, I'm glad you guys are getting along, makes everything easier. What about Chris?"

"Was fine, I think we talked more than sang." She shoveled in more salad.

He took a pinch of the feta cheese from her salad and snuck it into his turkey wrap. "He's good for that, sometimes he's too funny to stop, and you just have to let him distract you."

"Mm. True. His birthday is in a few days, I have plans for him during the day so if you hear him trying to make any of his own tell him you guys have interviews or something?"

"Done. Can I know the plans?"

She told him what she had up her sleeve and he grinned at her. "I would have thought you'd be the first one to say no to something like that."

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think." She teased.

"Oh you definitely keep me on my toes. Are you going to do it with him?"

"Please, I'm an old pro. What about you, do you do it?"

"I have, I'm not a PROFESSIONAL like you, but I've done it."

"Then if we do it together you get the rear."

His smile was wicked, "If we can do it together I'll take whatever position you like."

"Guess that's as good a segue as any into the 'About last night' conversation huh?"

Shrugging he bit into a chip, "Up to you. You'll talk to me when you're ready to. I'm not pushing," he looked up and met her eye, "for anything. I'm pretty patient when I feel like something is worth waiting for."

"You're kind of incredible you know that? You stay so relaxed and normal when things could get weird. I don't know how to do that. I go directly to weird and overreacting."

"Then we're a good balance."

"I guess we are. To be honest I don't know what there is to say, I don't know that I completely understand myself what happened; I just know I was ready right up until I wasn't. I panicked. I considered just letting it happen but I just couldn't."

"Oh God, I don't want you to ever be afraid to tell me something even if it seems awkward in the moment. I'd so much rather have you stop me than…" he couldn't finish the sentence. He took a moment and continued very quietly, "I never want to be the guy who did that to you. To anyone." He looked down, clearly dealing with something of his own.

"What were you working on when I came in?"

"Oh" He brightened at the subject change, "Something for StarKid, You want to hear it?"

"Always."

He got on the floor so he could see what he'd written and picked up his guitar. "Okay, so it's not nearly done, but here's what I'm playing with."

She grabbed both of their dishes and moved to the floor with him. He sang and played and fiddled with the tempo and different lyrics. It was funny but sweet and she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Playing her fingers at the soft curls around his ears and at the nape of his neck she sang along when he'd bring the tune back to the chorus. When he just played and didn't sing for a few measures his face clouded over and imaging he'd returned in his head to their earlier discussion she whispered to him, "You could never be the guy who…did that. You don't have it in you."

"Not on purpose, but you don't always know you're doing it. Sometime what feels right to one person doesn't to someone else." He changed the tune to another she couldn't put her finger on.

"If that's true then it's the fault of the person who doesn't speak up. You can't be held accountable for what you don't know. I mean, I don't know the specifics of what you're thinking about, maybe the other person just didn't know how to say what she needed to say, or maybe she was afraid of losing you if she did, but that's not your fault. If you treated her the way you treat me the problem was hers, not yours."

"I was probably more careless then. I was younger. I'm not saying I ever forced her, but I'm probably different now because of her."

She leaned in for a kiss and he lost the guitar in favor of holding her. "See, this is one of the things that make you exceptional, being open to learning from an experience like that, letting it affect you."

"You always talk like I'm perfect but I'm really just some idiot trying to find a way to lead a good life."

`No one is perfect, but you're different than most people. It's hard to say exactly what it is, but there's something there."

"Really? You're exactly like every girl I've ever met." He nudged her with his knee to underscore the fact that he was being sarcastic.

"I'm a neurotic workaholic, we're a dime a dozen. I will admit I'm working way less on this tour than I usually do, but that's because you guys have so many more people to get stuff done than I'm used to. It's actually a pretty nice break."

"And here when I first met you I thought you wouldn't know what to do with extra time."

"Probably wouldn't have but I met this guy who's sort of a game changer."

"Lucky guy."

"You think?"

"Very."

"Darren?" she laced and unlaced their fingers over and over, liking the way his hand fit hers, "I'm gonna say something weird and awkward now." She felt him smile, there was no need to lift her head from his shoulder. "I like sleeping with you."

"That's because I know how you like your blankets."

"You are pretty well trained. So I was thinking, will you move into this room with me?"

He laughed, "That was so formal. Yes, Isabelle, I will move in with you."

"Good. It's gonna make being on the buses suck, but as long as we are in hotels I'd rather share a room with you."

"You're a big improvement over Chord."

"He snore?"

"No, and he doesn't drool either but he doesn't smell as good as you and he kicks in his sleep."

"You keep up with the drool accusations and I'm gonna start kicking in my sleep too pal. Finish your lunch; I want to do some training with you this afternoon."

"I thought we had local press and a meet and greet." He took a giant bite of his sandwich anyway.

"You do, but I'm pulling you after wardrobe to clean some stuff up."

They finished their lunches on the floor talking about nothing in particular and then made their way to the venue. She got to hang out and watch while everyone got made over into their characters. Most of them didn't take too long, just a little stage make up, some hair poofing and off they went. Kevin went from cool to geek before her eyes and she thought how it really was too bad that while he really nailed his part people might not get just how handsome he really was. Still the biggest change was Darren morphing into Blaine. She still had a hard time seeing them as the same person and it was so much more than the hair gel. Sometimes Blaine would move his lips a certain way and you could see Darren clearly for a split second but it disappeared quickly. Blaine held his jaw more forward than Darren did. He stood or sat with his arms flexed, constantly tense, constantly ready for battle. Darren's posture was relaxed, his movement fluid.

When he was in his Dalton uniform and stage ready he stalked over to where she was laying on her stomach and poking at Chris's leg, "Stop saying that! You're totally wrong about it."

"I can't believe I'm friends with someone who openly admits to liking it. There are some things you should be ashamed of."

"Paisley isn't one of them. Paisley is a beautiful thing. Darren, back me up here."

"No way I'm getting into the fashion wars with you two. I'm ready if you still want to go rehearse."

In the makeshift rehearsal room she played back a few spots in the last show and had Darren listen. "Okay, tell me what you hear."

"There's some straining here and there, but give me a break, I'm dancing and running around like a crazy person." He did a spin in place complete with jazz hands to emphasize his point.

Rolling her eyes she groaned, "I know you're in costume but please don't turn into Blaine with me. I'm freaked out enough by you looking like a stranger as it is."

"It is weird isn't it? I look in the mirror and it's like who is this dork? I do like the blazer though."

"No, you don't. It's hideous and ill fitting."

He looked incredulous, "Be serious. You don't like it?"

"I hate it. How can you not see…you know what? We'll have this argument later; you aren't getting out of this that easily. The dancing has nothing to do with what's wrong with your voice. We need to get control without strain, no matter what your body is doing. Motorboat."

"Okay, but I thought you wanted to practice."

"Quit flirting. Br sound, motorboat lips, 5 scale. Ready?"

"I feel like an idiot. This is why I'm an actor not a singer. Are you gonna do this with me?"

"I'll start with you but I have to listen to make sure you're doing it right."

"Do you make Chris do this?"

"Do you want to ask me questions that have nothing to do with improving YOUR voice or do you want to get this done?"

"I'm guessing the questions thing is the wrong answer. Fine. Go."

Together they blew air through their lips, making them vibrate and tickle while they moved up and down the scales. When she was satisfied she stopped playing and asked, "Do you feel the difference in your throat?"

"Sort of, I mean, I know I'm changing the air flow but I feel like I can't duplicate that without doing the exercise, which is not going to happen on stage."

"Fair enough, how much breathing technique have you worked on?"

"Roughly zero. I did like watching you teach Chris though, can we do that?"

"Depends, are you asking because you want to learn or because you want me to come over there and put my hands all over you?"

"Um…both?"

"At least you're honest."

She went through making him feel the difference in breathing from his chest versus his diaphragm, allowing him to hold her ribs and feel how it should feel. He was very well behaved and seemed to be taking it seriously so he was rewarded with a quick kiss before she returned to the piano.

"So you feel how the k sound on the in breath feels right?"

"Not really. It feels more like an exhale sound than inhale."

"Ok, let's try this. You're an actor, put yourself in a scene where you walk into a room and find something completely shocking. Do the big gasp."

He did, and then looked at her waiting for the point.

"Again, only this time hold your breath after the gasp and don't move anything in your mouth. Just gasp in and stop."

Darren gasped loudly, stopped and then looked at her with wide eyes before letting it go. "The lift in the back of my throat, that's incredible. I've heard about it but I've just never felt it."

Like most people who figure out how to lift their soft palate at will he wanted to play with it, try different scales and notes, practice songs. She indulged him for another half hour before they had to get to the meet and greet.

In the deserted back corridor their footsteps echoed on the scuffed linoleum. Darren stopped walking and looked at her with the twinkle in his eye that suggested he was up to no good. "Show me how that breathing should work again."

If he was going to get to the meet and greet before the fans were allowed in she'd have to slap his hand away from her midsection.

She didn't. He wasn't.

Thumbing over the expanding area just below her ribs he guided her against the ugly orange concrete block wall.

Her hands, normally finding themselves drawn directly to his hair needed somewhere less gel infused to play so she went lower.

"Um, I'm all for inappropriate but if you want me to be able to walk into a room full of 14 year olds you might want to reconsider your direction."

It would have been more convincing if he hadn't been sliding his hands under her shirt while he said it.


	25. Chapter 25

Being in California had advantages. The gigs were close enough to stay in one hotel for most of the shows. Everyone seemed content and settled in which was well planned considering how hectic putting the show together had been.

Isabel had her day down. Wake up, breakfast in bed with Darren, review of the show from the night before with Zach and possibly a few cast members that needed to make corrections. That normally happened in Zach's room so Darren could work on the next StarKid project in their room.

Most days she and Zach would hit the gym after that, sometimes joined by various cast members. Issey loved running with Chris though he very rarely worked out with everyone, but her favorite was when Jenna would come and they would do crunches and squats together. Jenna was too funny and they would get a better ab workout from just sitting and laughing.

She always went up to the room to shower, she hated gym showers, they were always already wet and she could feel things growing on the wall, silently reaching out to glom onto her skin.

After that it was off to the venue for a rotating schedule of individual vocal warm ups and lessons and then "family lunch" with everyone. This was usually the best part of the day. Everyone (except Lea who would be saving her voice) was loud and boisterous, talking over each other. There was teasing, daring, arguing, everything you might expect at the table of an oversized family.

Show was show, the same every night and never the same at all. Sometimes there was press before, usually there was meet and greet after. She skipped those, she was unnecessary for these things and unless Darren asked her to hang around she didn't. Sometimes she and Zach would sneak off for a drink or something to eat; it was a relief to get out without the cast. They could talk shop, or compare past jobs or maybe just stare into the middle distance without fans coming up to the table.

The free time when all was done for the night was the biggest variable. Some nights they'd all end up in one room watching dvd's or playing games, some nights they'd break off in smaller groups, talking, laughing, maybe swimming in the hotel pool. The end of the night was Issey's favorite, alone in their room; she and Darren would lie in bed and chat about the day or whatever came to mind. Sometimes  
>they'd put on the radio or a cd, or each read, or work. It didn't matter, what they did, they were close to each other and growing more comfortable every day. Physically things were progressing, slowly, but<br>progressing.

The night before Chris' birthday they hauled out for Los Angeles. It was a short enough drive and everyone was up and ready for an early rehearsal at the new venue Friday morning. After running everyone through the basics Issey grabbed Chris backstage.

"Okay birthday boy, you're being kidnapped. Come with me."

"Should I be afraid?"

Darren kissed Issey's cheek, "I don't know if you should be afraid, but I'm terrified and I'm not even invited. Bring my girl back in one piece."

"Hush you. We'll be fine."

In the car Chris played "Guess where we're going?" but in a most Colfer fashion.

"Lion's den?"

"Yes."

"Space mission?"

"Definitely."

"SEA MONKEY WEDDING!"

"Damn you figured it out."

"Is Darren mad?"

"At?"

"Not being invited."

"Relieved is a better word."

"Are people going to throw sharp objects at us?"

"Us? No. You? Possibly."

"Can I eat it?"

"The sharp objects?"

"Whatever we're going to do, will it be something I want to eat?"

"I hope you don't eat it."

"So you aren't getting me a manwhore."

"No. But you might like it between your legs."

"WHAT?"

She pulled into the parking lot of a dealership.

"You're buying me a car for my birthday? Cool!"

"Shut up, c'mon." She went inside and asked for the manager. "I set up a DMS lesson here today?"

Chris frowned, "DMS?"

The manager smiled in his direction, "Department of Motorcycle Safety"

Chris lit up, "Are you serious?"

"So you ride for 5 hours today. If you decide you like it you do 10 more hours while we're in Cali, you can do the class work while we're on the road and then take the written test. You could have your motorcycle license before we leave the west coast."

He hugged her, "This is amazing, you're incredible. Are you going to do the lessons too?"

"I have my bike license; you're playing catch up here, love."

"You staying for five hours to watch me do this?"

"Nope, I'm staying to watch the beginning, then coming back for you. I have my own new stuff to do today."

"Good new stuff?"

"Hope so, going to see Darren's apartment. He promised to let me poke through a bunch of his stuff."

"Reeeeally?"

"And play the violin for me."

"I want to hear all about it when you pick me up later so don't bring him with you."

"Yeah, yeah, just go learn to be a safe little speed demon."

Chris got suited up and she took a seat a safe distance from the part of the lot set up for lessons. He listened while the instructor walked him through the basic things he'd need to know then hopped on the bike. Issey wanted to close her eyes, she was certain there would be false starts and sideways dips. She'd be a dead woman if he broke anything but of course, just like everything he attempted he sailed away as if born on two wheels. The instructor yelled over to Issey, "You sure this is his first time?"

She shrugged, "He's an enigma." She hollered back without taking her eyes off of his lean figure bent over the bike. A girl from the dealership on her smoke break climbed on the bench beside her. "Bet he gets's all the girls without even trying."

"You have no idea." Seemed the only appropriate response.

Chris came around and stopped smoothly in front of her. "This is the best birthday gift ever! I love it!"

"Good, be at least a little careful though, huh? I'd hate to see you get us both killed with one fall."

"No worries, just go see your hottie and bring me back good stories."

"Yeah, yeah, behave, love you."

"You more."

"Oh. Bummer." The girl beside her finished her cigarette.

Issey just raised her eyebrows at her.

"Gay. Should have known."

Issey just laughed and left the girl with her thoughts. She got to the car and called Darren.

"Did he break anything?"

"Not yet. He's actually pretty good on it."

"Color me shocked."

"I know. He's ridiculous. We need to find something he's bad at."

"I'm guessing we'll find that tonight when everyone starts feeding him drinks. 21 is a dangerous birthday for a nondrinker."

"So it is. I'm heading back to pick you up, you ready?"

"I am. Hope the apartment is clean. I told Joey to not leave it a wreck."

"I don't care. It will just be nice to be somewhere that feels like a home."

"Can we sleep there tonight?"

"Tonight? I doubt it. Tomorrow night maybe. Tonight's Chris's birthday party and I sort of feel like I should be around in case he gets too drunk."

"He's a big boy."

"He's a 21 year old boy. Bet you had friends looking out for you when you were 12 and doing all the stuff Chris will be doing now."

This earned a bark of a laugh, so in the interest of quitting while she was ahead she told him she'd be at the hotel within minutes and disconnected.

Darren walked into the apartment before her, worried that his roommate may have left something too embarrassing lying around. It was the kind of thing they'd do to each other being best friends for so long. Everything seemed clear so she was allowed inside.

He went to the fridge and looked to see if there was anything worth pirating. "Um Sprite, Joey put red wine in the fridge which…ugh, and juice."

"What kind of juice?"

"Orange and cranberry."

"Any fruit?"

"Looks like the oranges might not kill us, what are you thinking?"

"Sangria!" she did a little dance in place. "Homemade sangria, yes, yes, yes."

He laughed, shaking his head but started pulling ingredients out of the fridge. "You're very excited about this."

"I used to make sangria all the time with my friends in college, I'm pretty sure that was the last time I stayed still long enough to have a group of friends that hung out at each other's houses. " Darren put a punchbowl on the countertop and she began making the drink. "Is Joey going to be home today? I'd love to meet him."

Darren wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck, "I told him I'd cut his balls off if he came anywhere near the house today. You can meet him tonight, he's coming to the show and then out with us for Chris' birthday."

"Hmm, sounds like you had plans for today."

"Maybe." He kissed her shoulder.

"What kind of plans might these be?"

"Alone plans."

"Naked alone plans?"

"Ideally, yes."

She set down the now empty wine bottle and turned to face him, brushing a stray hair from his eyes, "I was promised a violin solo and free reign to pick through your music."

"I'm counting on the violin solo to get you naked."

They kissed all lips and softness, no urgency. It was nice to know they had hours together with no one to knock and press them for time.

"That work for you before, this violin trick?"

He lifted his eyebrows and half smiled, "To be honest I never needed a trick before."

"And you don't need one now. I hope you know that. Darren, I'm not holding back because I'm not attracted enough to you."

"I was kidding about needing a trick, and you know I'm good with waiting, I'm just happy with having alone time, whatever that means."

She smiled and leaned against him, "I'm sorry I always go to a serious place when you're just trying to be flirty and fun."

"You're plenty flirty and fun."

She kissed him a little deeper, "And for the record not entirely against naked alone time."

It took a while before the sangria was ready because they were having a bit of trouble keeping their hands dedicated to anything but each other. When everything was mixed Issey put her foot down and demanded Darren play for her before drinking and claiming that he was too drunk to play.

She settled in with his cd collection while he warmed up. He made noises about how it had been some time since he'd played and that he was never truly proficient but he'd see what he could do. She ignored all of this and flipped wordlessly through his music. When it seemed like she was no longer paying attention to him at all he moved into a piece Issey recognized.

While it wasn't flawless, it was beautiful. When she looked up at him he was clearly lost in the music. Upon finishing he looked up to see her watching him and smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, so there's that."

"La Capricieuse is one of my most favorite pieces for piano and violin. You played it beautifully."

He sat beside her on the sofa where she took his hand in hers and traced her fingers along his, circling his thumb and slowly moving over each line and bump of his palm. "Such talented hands."

"I'm impressed you recognized it, I thought I butchered it."

"Sir Edward would have been honored at the passion you poured into it. I don't suppose I could talk you into playing more?"

"I'll tell you what, I'll bring the violin with me and you can play piano and we'll play together."

"My piano skills are greatly limited. I could never keep up." She turned back to his cd collection and pulled one out. "And not to change the topic or anything but really?"

"This happens to be an excellent album full of classic songs."

"It's a make out album. Don't lie."

"Paul Anka would be greatly hurt by your assessment. He is an American classic."

"He's Canadian and classic though he may be it's a make out album. For a guy who claims not to need tricks I'm a little surprised you don't have a button that lights the fireplace and dims the lights simultaneously."

He took the cd and her hand, "That's in my room. Bed comes out of the wall too. Very 60's bachelor pad." He led the way to his room.

"With anyone else I'd assume they were kidding but with you I'm actually a little worried."

His personal space was neater than she'd expected given the stacks of things that were strewn everywhere in their hotel room. There was a lot of stuff crammed in, much like the man himself it was a mix of music, Broadway, sports and friends. Pictures were everywhere, along with some "non-boy room" things. A hot pink feather boa hung from a lamp, a sparkly rhinestone tiara was perched atop a rainbow colored clown wig.

She pulled a curl on the wig, "I feel like I just wandered into the room of a serial killer."

He put on the cd and "Put your head on my shoulder" filled the room. "That's from clown school." He pulled her in to dance with him.

She murmured against his chest, "Clown school. You're full of surprises."

Half way through their sangria they had moved to his bed and were very close to be being clothing free. She'd made her way through his high school and college yearbooks and laughed at the stories of ridiculous stunts he and his friends had pulled. It was their habit, talk, and laugh, kiss, get serious, share stories about their pasts, laugh, and get physical again. She was sure Darren was okay with the constant interruptions because he thought she needed them, to reassure and not overwhelm her. If he only knew that what she really wanted was to let go completely and drown in him, she just…couldn't.

Issey climbed away from him and reached for her glass, pouting when she found it empty. "I'm gonna get the bowl and bring it in here. "

"Exactly how much do you plan on drinking? Not that I mind but we have to pick up Chris in about an hour."

"We put one bottle of wine in there. We've only had half the bowl which boils down to about a glass and a half of wine each. I'll admit I feel a little tipsy but it can't be from that, I think it's you, you make my head spin."

He got up to follow her, "Babe? I poured another bottle of merlot in from the cabinet. Did you not notice that?"

"Oh. Uh, No. I missed that. Rats." She leaned against a small stand and knocked a few things to the floor.

"Why don't we have a car go get Chris, he'll understand. Then we can stay here and finish off the sangria?"

She was on her knees picking up the knick knacks that had hit the floor. She sat back on her feet and turned the picture frame in her hands to him. "Who's this?" It was a picture of him kissing a beautiful dark haired girl and it looked fairly recent.

He took the frame from her and set it back on the stand. "That's Mia. She's…"he sat on the bed, "someone we should probably talk about."

Issey held her finger up to him, hitting an invisible pause button. In the kitchen under the guise of getting the sangria she called Zach and asked him if he'd go get Chris and texted him the address.

She texted Chris: Sorry but Zach's coming to get you. I think I may need a very large drink later.

Then she picked up the bowl, grabbed a straw from the container on the counter and went back to Darren's room. She sat on the floor in front of him, placed the punch bowl in her lap, stuck in the straw and said, "Go."

Author's Note: I realize that bringing Darren's relationship into the fic is a dicey move. I played with it for a long time, deciding whether to make up another woman, or just let it be Mia. In the end I chose Mia. The upcoming chapter is in no way my head cannon about their relationship. It is fiction. Mia is a plot device to move the story in the direction it was always intended to go. In reality I think she seems like a super cool girl who I'd love to hang with. I don't have the slightest idea, nor do I want to know the details of her and Darren's relationship. Her involvement with the story will be fairly brief though I reserve the right to come back to her later. If you absolutely hate that I've brought her into it I hope you just find a way to power through and get past this bump in the road.


	26. Chapter 26

"To start with I want you to know that I was going to tell you about her eventually, it just never seemed like the right time."

Issey took a long sip of sangria, "So she's your girlfriend. I feel like I need a shirt for this conversation."

He threw her one of his and she pulled it on. "She's…yeah, she's my girlfriend. We have an understanding though. When we lived in the same city we were happy. We had a good relationship. I think we still have a good relationship. She's one of the most amazing women I've ever met. Since we've had to spend so much time apart it just seemed more realistic to break up."

"So she WAS your girlfriend."

He slid onto the floor across from her, "No. Is. We tried breaking up, but we were always texting each other and calling each other. We hadn't broken up because we weren't in love, we broke up because it was inconvenient to stay together and neither of us wanted the other to be lonely, or be worrying what the other might be doing. So we came to an understanding. We'd still be together, we'd still call, still text, still skype. When we have the time to see each other we do, and it's still fantastic, but when we don't we have a don't ask/don't tell policy. She sees who she pleases and I'm supposed to do the same. Only I haven't, because I'm working 24 hours a day and I don't have time to breathe let alone meet someone new. Then you showed up and" he looked up at her through those stupid long lashes and shrugged, "you were intoxicating. I want to spend every minute with you. I knew I'd have to tell you before we got to New York, that's where she lives, but I didn't know how or when."

She let this sink in, along with another long sip from the punch bowl. "Well, I think maybe telling me when I told you that I don't do this, that I wasn't someone who took these things lightly, maybe that was the right time." Her tone wasn't accusatory, just considering. She could see things from his side, had seen these types of relationships time and again.

"Probably." He took the punchbowl away from her and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry. I swear I wasn't trying to be sneaky, I just, I'm falling for you. And I know I love her. I should have been more honest. There's no defense."

She leaned in and kissed him, to say this took him by surprise would be an understatement, but he recovered pulling her into his arms. She settled onto his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist, "Did the two of you ever talk about what would happen if you found yourself in this situation?"

He let his head fall forward so the sides of their faces touched, "I don't think either of us really thought it could happen. We're both fairly social, and sexual, not y'know, sluts, but not angels either. I think we just figured we'd party, and not be tied to feeling like we were cheating if things got out of hand, but I don't think we expected to find someone special."

She kissed him again then put her head on his shoulder with a sigh, "This feels like cheating."

They sat in silence for a little bit, him caressing her back, making circles on the skin of her thighs until she sat up and looked him in the eye.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry but I can't. I thought it might be easier, knowing that there's someone else, that I could detach emotionally and just enjoy whatever time we have together on the road but I can't."

"I'm an asshole."

She smiled a little, "Yeah." She leaned over without leaving his lap and took another sip of sangria, it was getting close to empty and she was swaying slightly. "But you're an asshole I'm crazy about. Do you want to know the truth about why I haven't slept with you?" she secured her arms around his neck to try to stop the feeling that the room was rocking.

"If you want to tell me, then yeah," his hands slid under the soft t-shirt, warm against her sides, holding her in place in a most reassuring way.

She took a deep breath to steal herself. "I don't think I knew myself really, not until just now. Darren, I didn't grow up wealthy, but my parents gave up things so that I could have anything a little girl would need to be happy. If I saw a doll I was drawn to it was mine. When I took a liking to ponies I got one for my birthday. When I got into high school I had fun friends and really enjoyed my time. After that I worked hard to be the best at my job and made plenty of money doing what I loved."

"You've had a good life, but whenever you talk about it it sounds lonely."

"Sometimes, but I was okay with it mostly. The point is I never really wanted anything. I mean, I want Chinese food for dinner; I want to get more time at the gym, that sort of thing of course but I've never wanted anything I couldn't have. Never felt this longing, this desire to consume and be consumed by something or someone. Until now." Her fingers played in his hair, traced the line at the back of his neck. "I'm terrified of how much I want you, because, what if I had you and it still wasn't enough." Part of her brain was telling her to shut up, that she was drunk and saying things that were too honest and scary, but she looked in his eyes and kept talking. "I want all of you and I'm afraid even that would leave me wanting more because I honestly don't think I could ever get enough of you. And now…now I'm glad I didn't try because as stupid as it sounds this early in the game I would have been devastated if I'd taken that leap, went for broke, trusted that we'd be enough together and then found out that you weren't really mine but belonged to some stunning beauty in New York City. "

Now she rested her head against his chest, not wanting to look at him.

"I feel like I've spent my whole life wanting. Always wanting more, wanting to get to the next thing, wanting to experience everything I could. I've never really had to WAIT for something though. I just went and got it. I've been very lucky, I've worked hard but I've been lucky. No one has ever made me wait but you and somehow I liked it. I mean of course I want you, I want more with you, but at the same time I'm content with you. When we have breakfast in bed I'm not thinking about what else I could be doing, I'm happy to be where I am, with you."

"I can't share you. I don't know how she can. Maybe the thought of losing you was too painful so she decided to keep what she could but I'm not that strong. You need to consider what you want. If you want to stay in a relationship with her then I can't do this with you. I'm not saying I need a long term commitment from you, but I am saying that I want you so much I can't stand the thought of there being no chance of having you completely. I don't even know if I'm making any sense. Maybe this is not a conversation we should have had after all the drinking but I want you to take some time, figure out what you want to do. Just…" she met his eyes again and ran her hands over his face, "Just know that if you choose her I'm okay. It doesn't have to be awkward with us on the road. We can still be friends."

She tried to climb off of him but he held her in place and kissed her for a long time. "I have to talk to her."

"That's between the two of you. You don't have to tell her anything for me, but if you choose me you have to break it off with her. I don't think that's too much to ask."

"Of course not. Promise me something though?"

"Maybe. What?"

"If I choose you promise me you won't let your fear of it not being enough keep you from letting yourself fall. I'm not talking about sex, I'll wait until you're ready, that's …whatever…but I can't live up to something in your head that you won't allow yourself to have."

"I promise. Okay, I need to get back, and I can't drive, neither can you, so we need to figure this out."

"I can drive. I had one glass and it's over there." His glass was on his nightstand barely touched. "I'll stay here tonight so you can have the room to yourself."

"You'll still come out for Chris's birthday though?"

"I'll be there. What do we tell the others?"

"Guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."


	27. Chapter 27

The show was fun. Everyone was singing Happy Birthday to Chris, the audience had lots of signs for him, and he spent the show grinning. They had done the meet and greet for the evening before the show so they could all get down to the business of celebrating afterward.

Nearly everyone piled into the van and rode together to the club. Darren hung back; he would be riding with Joey, some of their other friends and a few of the Warbler boys.

Chris sat sandwiched between Issey and Ashley in the back of the limo. Everyone was loud and excited but he still didn't want to risk an awkward conversation in front of them so he pulled out his phone and sent a text. A second later Issey felt her phone vibrate.

Chris: So?

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. He pointed his chin at her phone.

Issey: He's got a girlfriend.

Chris: Mia?

Issey: YOU KNEW?

Chris: Kinda

Issey: You're dead.

Chris: We'll talk.

At the club they were moved quickly to a VIP back room and given three adjoining booths. There were two champagne bottles chilling on each table. Kevin grabbed a bottle immediately after it had been corked, not allowing the hostess to pour.

"To Chris, Happy Birthday it's time to get stupid!"

Issey downed her champagne and called the server back to order two kamikazes. The waitress asked if it was the shots she wanted and Is just stared at her. She returned quickly with two large drinks. Chris reached out for one and Is growled in his direction. "Drink your champagne birthday boy, these are for me."

"Think again, bar's not going anywhere, I'll get you another when you finished the first one." He took the drink and sipped it. She downed the glass in two swallows and raised her eyebrows at him.

Chris bumped her with his hip, "Slide out, let's go to the bar." He carried his drink, caught the attention of the bartender, ordered her another and pointed to his table to add it to their tab. She took the drink and started for the booth in time to see Darren enter with his friends. Turning back to the bartender she pointed to her glass and held up two fingers. Chris shook his head at the bartender and took her by the elbow to a slightly quieter corner of the club. They still had to shout to hear each other.

"You knew!"

"I didn't know he was still with her. He's really private. For all I know they broke up. She hasn't visited in a while."

"You've met her. Of course you've met her. She's fucking perfect isn't she?"

"Quit. What happened today?"

"Doesn't matter. I saw her picture, he told me about her. I told him I wasn't going to be with him while he was with her."

"And he said?"

"And he said he needed to think. "

"Should've been thinking before now."

"Says he was. This is stupid I can barely hear you. I'm just going to get plastered. Fuck it."

"Fair enough. I'll hold your hair in the morning if you promise not to let me go home with some undercover tabloid reporter tonight."

"Deal!"

They stopped at the bar on the way back to the table and grabbed two more drinks. Is went to say hi to Darren and his friends. "Hey Buddy, do I get to meet the crew?"

Darren smiled and snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her half onto his lap. It would appear they had started drinking in the limo on the way over and he was a little tipsy himself. Her first instinct was to push him away but that was an overreaction. She knew if Harry or Cory had done this she'd have seen it as a friendly gesture and just accepted it so she settled onto Darren's lap and met his friends. They were funny and goofy and exactly what she'd expected. Chris left her there for a few minutes and then when her glass was empty snuck over to the table.

"Sorry Darren, stealing your girl for a dance." He tugged lightly at her arm and they disappeared onto the crowded dance floor.

"Thanks."

"Completely selfish, Amber was starting to get that 'birthday spanking' look in her eye."

Before they knew it they were surrounded on the dance floor. All of their friends, broken footed Ashley included came to dance and sway. Everyone was swinging and dipping each other, singing along loudly with the music. Issey played along for a bit then snuck back to the bar for another drink and to catch her breath. While she sat there a tall blond man with a Nordic accent came up and offered to buy her drink. She gave him a polite thank you but no thank you and but he sat beside her anyway and asked her name. She turned to watch her friends and told him her name. He shared his and told her she was lovely. She thanked him again and tried desperately to make eye contact with anyone from her group. Darren noticed her first but she was in no mood to have him play knight in shining armor so she gave the impression of being happy with her conversation.

It was Ashley who finally limped away from the floor and took the stool on the other side of her. "My foot is DONE. I need a drink." It took exactly two seconds for a guy who looked like he was probably a pro football player to come up beside her and offer to get her that drink. She and Is exchanged smiles and Is saw this as a good opportunity to head back to Chris.

Naya danced beside her, "Oooh, cute blonde, Darren better watch his back."

Issey only smiled.

The DJ broke over the music saying there were some folks in the house who wanted to sing so he was gonna bust out the karaoke. Chris pointed at Is and she shook her head.

"It's my birthday. Do it."

"I'm too drunk."

"That's an excuse for singing karaoke, not against."

"I already gave you a present today."

"And it was a blast, but that was HOURS ago. C'mon…sing."

"Fine. What song."

"My favorite."

"Chris, no."

He grinned and she gave in. They walked up together to sign her up for it and Chris winked at her, "If this doesn't help him make his decision nothing will."

Nearly everyone signed up to sing something so it took some time before Is was called to the stage. When she was she had managed two shots and another glass of champagne and was stumbling a little on her way.

Then she got the mic in her hand and a spotlight on her and lit into a very convincing rendition of Rhianna's S&M. The lights were in her eyes and the crowd was up and dancing, yelling out for her. She threw herself into the performance of it.

When she was done everyone was applauding and whistling. Darren met her as she tried to climb down from the stage. He was swaying a little himself but offered his hand to steady her. "So that was…"

"What?" she was hoping for seductive but may have had a little spittle on her lip.

"Out of character." He led her to the side of the stage and to a private area behind the dj booth. The sound of the club was muffled back here and she wondered how he knew about it.

"You didn't like it?" she leaned against a wall.

"Didn't say that." His eyes searched hers for a minute. "It was definitely hot, it just wasn't you."

"Sure it was. You're not the only one with secrets."

"Clearly. Do you think you should slow down the drinking a little? I know you're upset about today but I don't want you doing something you'll regret."

"Like?"

"Like tall blonde guys."

"Oh, jealous, that's rich." She leaned in and pecked his lips. "Wonder what your girlfriend would think of that."

"Stop it."

"Consider it stopped."

She started past him and he pulled her back, probably a little more roughly than intended but his motor control was impaired. "Is, please, I know this sucks, but let's, let's go back to my place, or to the hotel, let's talk about this. "

Now she was yelling. "About what? About your lies? About how you've been playing me for a fool in front of everyone on the tour because they all knew about her and I didn't? Or about how my entire reputation that I've worked so hard for is going to shit because everyone thinks I'm your tour fuck?"

"Calm down, please calm down. I didn't lie, not really, a lie of omission maybe but not even because I'm in an open relationship, I'm ALLOWED to be with other people. This is the entire point of our arrangement."

"Oh you're allowed. That's such a relief because I was so worried that the OTHER girl might be hurt by this. I bet everything would have been perfect if I'd just screwed you that first time, you could have just banged the new girl and moved on. Your girlfriend would have been fine and I could have thrown away all these years of killing myself to be known as more than just another star fucker just because you had game. Not that it matters that I didn't. I'm sure everyone thinks I did. I can't believe I trashed my reputation for you, let go of everything I thought I'd learned, let my work ethic slide and completely lost focus just so you could make me the laughing stock of the tour."

"Your reputation is fine, FINE. Everyone on this tour is fucking someone; no one thinks twice about what we do, it's just you who's so caught up in appearing like the virgin queen. Or I guess not since you just told the room you wanted to be tied up and whipped."

His voice had gotten progressively louder and the dj had come out of his booth, looked at the two of them and decided to retreat and let them work it out.

"You're just mad because I sang it for Chris. You actually asked me not to sleep with him. Oh my GOD, you did, you told me it upset you to see me with him and the whole time you were with someone else. You know what? Don't bother thinking about it, she can have you. I don't want anything to do with you. Stay the fuck away from me!"

She yanked her arm out of his grip and pushed past him back into the deafening noise of the club but caught his last words.

"Fine by me, fucking tease."

Someone had taken over the mic and was singing a slow groove. Chris was at the bar and Issey practically crashed into him. "Drink!"

Chris ordered, she downed it and gave the bartender a serious look. "I'm not driving. I'm not going to do anything but go back to my hotel room with my very good looking friend here and sleep it off, so there is an extra grand in tonight for you if anytime you see me with an empty glass in my hand you replace it with a full one. Kamikazes only and don't start watering them down or the deal is off. Yes?"

He looked at Chris, "You gonna take care of her?"

"Always."

The bartender shrugged and set another drink down. Three drinks later Chris got called to the stage for his song but he dragged Issey with him. Together they did a version of Bad Romance that involved more grinding against each other and growling out occasional words than any accurate representation of Lady Gaga's hit.

Everyone was laughing and dancing along, Amber, Lea and Dianna jumped on stage to join them. As the song came to an end they decided to go back to their booths. They'd ordered a cake for Chris and people had brought presents for him. He clapped and opened various toys from Star Wars and a brand new deluxe castle for his fish. It was charming how delighted he was with each new thing and the way the guys all jumped in to play with the action figures.

Darren's friends were super excited about a toy Issey had never seen before, some Star thing, Trek, Wars, it was all pretty much the same to her. He was trying his best to cover but he was clearly miserable. The more miserable he appeared the happier Issey felt. Or maybe it was just the alcohol.

Chris matched her drink for drink for the next hour or so. The dj came back and the crowd had certainly mellowed. They started playing slower songs and the dance floor, previously a free for all, consisted of couples clinging close to each other. Among them were Lea and Cory as well as Mark and Dianna and Ashley and the football player looking guy. Chris took the glass from Issey's hand and tipped his head to the side, "So?"

"So?"

"You gonna dance with the birthday boy or are you too busy drowning your sorrows."

"What sorrows? I'm happy as a clam, let's dance hot stuff."

She was lost in her own thoughts and didn't really pay attention to what she was doing. Had she been sober she'd have left at least a breath of air between them but as it stood she pretty much melted against every inch of Chris. He dipped his head to speak into her ear.

"If you're trying to make him jealous it might work better with a straight guy. I don't think he'd buy me stealing you away."

"Fuck him. Don't give a shit what he thinks; just wanna dance with you, that okay?"

"Better than okay." He nuzzled into her and they swayed together through three songs. When the tempo picked up again they continued to cling to each other for a few minutes. They broke apart finally and looked at each other as if waking from a dream.

"More alcohol?" Chris looked like that was the last thing he needed but it sounded like a good idea to Issey so she agreed.

On the way to the table Dianna grabbed Chris for a dance so Issey went and parked herself next to Amber.

"Spill."

"I haven't even picked it up yet." Issey looked more closely at the two drinks in front of her trying to figure out which one was real.

"Not the drink, why you and Darren disappeared and haven't danced together or been anywhere near each other the rest of the night. What's going on?"

"It's Chris's night, I'm concentrating on him. Besides, we're in public, there's no need to risk paparazzi shots. I'd prefer to not end up on Perez as Darren's new squeeze before morning."

She didn't look convinced but thankfully let it go allowing Issey to make her way through two more drinks. Kevin asked her to dance so she returned to the floor with him but the room was really starting to spin and walking without lilting dangerously to the side was getting difficult. She danced a little, hanging onto Kevin then told him she might be a little too drunk for this. Noticing Chris back at their table she asked Kevin to help her get over to him so she could say good night.

Issey fell rather than sat next to Chris who was more than a little sideways in the seat himself.

"I'm done. I love you and I hope you're having a great birthday but I'm very close to blind drunk. I'm gonna have them get me a cab and go back to the hotel." She started to giggle at the horrible slurring of her words.

Chris draped his arm around her, dropping it heavily on her shoulder. "Nope, I told the…the…that guy with the drinks, what was his name?"

"Dave."

"Was his name Dave?" he shouted the question and started laughing. "Dave. That's a good name. Dave. I told Dave I'd take care of you."

"Dave's not here man." Issey couldn't stop laughing.

"What? Dave's right there."

"No man, Dave's not here."

"You're drunk, Dave's over there with all the bottles. Aren't they pretty?"

"I love you." She let her head fall, hoping for his shoulder but because of the way he was slumped ending in his armpit.

"You do not. You love Dave. "He sat a minute frowning. "Dave? No. Do you love Dave?"

"Who's Dave?"

"He's the one, the guy, with the drinking."

"Oh, him. No. I don't love him. I just love you. I think Ashley loves the quarterback."

"Ashley's getting lucky toniiiiiight. HEY, HEY ASHLEY! ASHLEY! HE'S REALLY CUTE!"

Chris slumped back in his seat, Issey settling her head on his chest. "Can we take a nap now?"

"No! No napping, drinking! More drinking." Chris turned to Corey, "Dude, can you, like can you tell Dave we need more drinks?"

"Dave?"

Issey didn't even open her eyes, "Dave's not here man."

Chris ignored her and kept trying to focus his eyes on Corey, his head bobbing from side to side, "Alcohol bringer guy, BARTENDER, that's it," he directed his words toward his chest, "Is, Is, bartender. That's the word." He was bubbling over with pride.

Corey shook his head and motioned to Mark, "Think it's time we get these two home. They're wrecked."

"NO! It's my birthday. Dancing. We need more dancing. And popcorn. I want popcorn. Corey, go see if they have popcorn. Ask Dave. Bet Dave has popcorn…pop…corn…pop…corn. Pop. Pop pop pop, hey, hey, guys? Pop corn. It sounds like it sounds, y'know when you make it. Pop." He made his fingers pop up and down on the table shaking Issey awake.

"Pop?"

"Corn." He said by way of explanation.

"Mmm." And she was out again.


	28. Chapter 28

Issey felt the drool under her chin before she was entirely conscious. She opened her eyes slowly and saw that it was 4:14 AM and she was laying on someone, someone who was still wearing clothes, thank God, as was she. She lifted her head to see Chris roll his eyes at her. "You're drowning me again."

"How did we get here?"

He ran his hand through his hair making it stand up straight in every direction. "Honey I don't even know where here is."

"My room." She started to move but he resisted a little and pressed his hand into the small of her back,

"Where are you going?"

"Water."

He moved his hand so she could roll to her bedside table and grab two bottles. She'd put them there before going out, figuring on needing the hydration when she got home. She handed one to Chris who sat up to drink it.

Moving around proved to her that she was still really drunk, and why not they'd only been home probably 45 minutes or so. She took two sips of water and set it down sloppily on the nightstand. "I'm going to hate myself in the morning."

"It is morning. And we'll just sleep til showtime. It'll be fine." He finished his bottle of water and lay down again.

Issey lay on her own side of the bed and tried to get as flat as she could. Experience had taught her this was the best position for fighting nausea. "Today was just bad."

"I don't know, I had a pretty good day. I had a super cool motorcycle lesson, got a lot of love at the show and then partied with my friends. AND it's the first birthday I haven't gone to bed alone."

"Awww and you're stuck with me. I'm sorry Babe. By next year you'll be covered in hot boys."

"Yeah. Maybe."

She turned to her side to face him, ignoring the spinning room. "You know any guy would be lucky to be in your life."

"So you and Darren disappeared right after S&M, do I sense a little backroom action?"

"If by backroom action you mean screaming at one another him calling me a tease and me telling him to fuck off and keep his lying self away from me then yeah. That happened. Also, I'm not that easily distracted from my thesis. What's up with you and the no boyfriend situation?"

"Sorry, no, tease? You mean you STILL haven't slept with him?"

"We need one conversation at a time; I'm too drunk for this. No I haven't slept with him. We…tried but I just, look let's discuss the fact that one of the best looking, funniest, smartest, guys I've ever met is alone and saying he's a virgin."

Chris was quiet for a little bit, Issey thought maybe he fell asleep. Then, "Why?"

She had snuggled into the pillow, starting to fall herself.

"Why?"

"Why couldn't you go through with it?"

"You don't answer my questions."

"You didn't ask a question."

"Because I wanted him too badly."

"That's stupid. Masochistic even, why would you not do something you wanted to do, especially when that something looks like Darren? Are you afraid of sex?"

"No, but I am afraid of him."

"You've said that before, I don't get it. What's there to be afraid of?"

"Okay, so, I'm going to tell you something but I have to trust that you'll never tell anyone."

"Swear."

"My second tour was with a rock band. The drummer was this super quiet guy; the other guys were loud and obnoxious womanizers. I was really strict with them because I was still figuring out how to do this and I wanted them to respect what I had to say. So drummer guy would come to talk to me on the bus or after shows, saying how he didn't really have much in common with the other guys. We talked about books and growing up, got to be pretty good friends and then got closer. I ended up sleeping with him, he was only the second guy I'd slept with so it was kind of a big deal.

The next day one of the crew guys told me he loved old records, especially 45's. At first I was confused as to what the hell he was talking about but then one of the roadies said the same thing. When the bass player came up and asked me how I was adapting to tour life, if I felt like a was a 33 record going 45 I asked him who told him about my tattoo, as if I didn't know. "

"You have a tattoo?"

"Yeah, it's an adapter for the old 45 records. It's just a symbol of where my love for music came from in a way."

"And it's somewhere well hidden?"

"Yup. So he said no one told him then started laughing. Eventually I found out that the guys had a game on the road of who could bang the most women. There were points for different girls and myself and one of the lighting girls were the highest score because she was married and pregnant and I was such a hard ass. "

"That's disgusting. I'm sorry Honey." He ran his fingers through her hair, pushing the strands away from her face.

"That's not even the worst part. In order to get their points they had to video tape the event."

"So he didn't tell about the tattoo, he …"

"He showed the video to everyone. He avoided me after that and it took all I had not to quit the tour. I wanted to hide but I forced myself to stay, to hold my head up and push through. After that I vowed that I would never get involved with a guy on tour no matter how real it felt because you just can't trust what you think you feel on the road."

"Darren would never do anything like that."

"Maybe not but I haven't been with anyone since then, I've been too afraid of having another situation where I'm points on a chart, a notch on a belt. The way I feel about Darren, if it turned out that he was just another asshole I don't know that I'd ever recover."

"So the plan is to be alone forever so you don't get hurt?"

"No, the plan was to not date on the road, to not fall for anyone."

"Well THAT didn't go so well."

"I guess I just needed a reminder that you can't trust anyone."

"Yeah."

"Now you."

"Not much to tell. I wasn't popular in school, I didn't have a group of friends, I didn't have a social circle. I had one or two female friends and that was about it. When I got Glee I became friends with the people on the show and then suddenly I became this poster boy for teen gays and…here we are."

"Can I ask you something that sounds really stupid?"

"Why not?"

"Are you gay?"

It took him a few seconds to respond. "Do you know you're the first person to ask me that? Everybody assumes, maybe it's my voice, or Kurt, but everyone just goes there. Ryan never asked, the cast never asked, I've been asked if I'm out, but not if I'm gay."

"I'm sorry. So did you feel cornered into saying you are?"

"I think I just went along with what was easiest because I was young and I hadn't really…this seems weird probably but I hadn't really thought about it."

"No crushes when you were a kid?"

"Sure but not, I think maybe it was more who I wanted to be not who I wanted to be with."

"And now?"

"And now all I can think about is how much I want to see that tattoo."

"I'm not letting you change the subject again."

"I wasn't." his voice sounded miserable.

Issey fought through her still alcohol sodden brain to try to figure out if he was saying what she thought he was saying.

When she didn't respond he looked her in the eye for the first time since the conversation started, "I'm sorry. That was out of line, especially with everything you just told me. It's just, what you said, about any guy being lucky and shit. Never mind. I'm going to go sleep this off in my room."

He started to roll to the opposite side of the bed but she grabbed his arm. It was clumsy and she scratched him a little but he stopped. "It wasn't out of line. It was fine. It was…tempting."

They got closer, watching each other, breathing faster, was this actually about to happen? Chris reached out for her, steadying himself against her hip, there was a roughness in his touch she hadn't expected and it shot adrenaline down her spine.

When their mouths met Issey was surprised, for all of his claims of inexperience Chris was a take charge sort, already controlling the pace and depth of this…what, experiment? It felt like something much more than an experiment.

He was on top of her, her legs clutching automatically at his thighs. Everything was fuzzy, there was no questioning, no decisions made as they gave in to some pure animal instinct that pulled them together. He made little whining noises when they'd part and moans escaped from deep in his throat when they'd find new ways to get closer again. What little clothing they'd still been wearing was shed amid a torrent of touching, biting, tasting and grinding. She couldn't help but think about how she'd never again be able to watch him do Single Ladies without her skin burning. 


	29. Chapter 29

Her phone rang at 7:03 am. Isabel considered pretending she couldn't hear it but Chris groaned loudly, "Make it stoooooooop."

"Don't want to move." She buried her face deeper into his neck never even opening her eyes.

Chris flung his arm blindly knocking the phone off the nightstand. "Ugh. Okay, they gave up."

She smiled against his skin and sighed. This was nice. She was 100 percent certain that if she moved her head would explode and her stomach would turn inside out and the reality of the situation would slam down on her like a thousand pound anvil but in this exact position everything was comfortable and safe and sweet and perfect.

Her voice mail beeped. No.

Two minutes later her phone rang again. They ignored it. Voice mail beep. One minute later her phone rang. At first she thought it must be Darren but then realized it wasn't the ringtone she had set for him.

Adam Lambert's "Whataya Want From Me" started up for the fifth time in less than 15 minutes and she started to wonder who she set that as a ring tone for. The sixth time Adam filled the room she sat straight up.

"Chris, CHRIS, get the phone!"

"What? No, c'mere. We're ignoring. Ignoring is good."

"No, it's not. Phone, get it."

He rolled to his side and reached blindly off the bed, searching the floor with his fingertips.

Despite her panic about ignoring the calls she couldn't help staring at his naked back where the sheets slipped away. Milky white skin over lean muscle, she couldn't help but think of the marble skin of Anne Rice vampires. Except when you dug your nails into Lestat's skin it didn't leave red streaks, Chris's back on the other hand was covered in light scratches. She leaned over and kissed the brightest mark.

"Your lips are hot." He handed her the phone, playing the song again.

"Shush you."

"No, like, warm hot, temperature hot. Fevered."

"Shhhhhhhhhhh….you're not here."

"I'm not…"

"Hey Ryan. I'm so sorry, I was in the shower. What's up?"

Chris giggled and poked her in the ribs, "Liar, if you were wearing pants they'd be on fire."

She widened her eyes at him and put her hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.

"I want to meet with you and Zach to talk about some notes I have from last night's show. I'm sending a car for the two of you, breakfast at Chateau Marmont."

The entire time he was talking Chris was doing lewd things to her palm with his tongue. She mouthed at him to stop it and dropped her hand only to have him continue on her neck.

"Sh…sure…what time?"

"Half hour. Zach was still asleep. Still sounds drunk to me. You people need to learn to pace yourselves. Anybody make sure the birthday boy didn't do anything that'll end up a pr nightmare last night?"

"Chris? He's fine, was fine. Last night. He was…"

Chris stopped to raise an eyebrow at her.

"…just singing, dancing. Drinking obviously, but no, nothing the press can get hold of."

Chris collapsed back onto the pillows whispering headlines, "Famous gay guy caught in clutches of tv boyfriend's girlfriend….Murdered by Darren Criss, the Chris Colfer story."

She kicked him in the knee and then gasped when she really looked at him for the first time.

"Problem?" Ryan asked.

"No, sorry, stubbed my toe. Half hour. See you then." She disconnected.

"Oh Chris."

He made grabby hands as he opened his arms for her to lie back down with him.

"I can't, I have to go meet Ryan…but Chris, tell me you have a scarf or a turtleneck or something."

"It's like you just met me. I take it I'll be explaining a hickey to makeup tonight?"

"Several. Crap. Why didn't you stop me?"

"You might want to consult a mirror before you ask that."

"NO! You didn't."

He reached up and ran a finger along her collarbone. "That one's my favorite."

"Jesus, we're animals. You should see your back."

"I can feel it. We better get in the shower if you're going to meet Ryan in a half hour." He sat up and kissed her shoulder before resting his cheek on it.

"I'll be showering alone; I have to actually get clean in there, not dirty."

"Boring."

"Go back to sleep for awhile, I'll send up some juice, water and aspirin on my way out."

Issey stood under the spray of water and felt herself sober up slightly. She'd checked the mirror and found bruises and bite marks. Most were in places that made her blush but were hidden naturally by every day clothes, two would require some work to hide, one on her neck just under her ear and the other on her right wrist.

She knew she should feel badly about what happened, should be panicked about how she was going to explain this to Darren and worried about breaking all of her rules. Maybe all of that would come with time, when there was less alcohol in her system, but at the moment all she felt was content. She hummed a little to herself as she ran over the memory of it in her mind.

It took an effort to shake her reverie and get ready to head out. When she was dressed she went to retrieve her phone from the bed. Chris was on his back, the sheets low at his hips, the room still mostly dark but one shaft of light from the open edge of the drape illuminated a stripe of skin at his stomach.

Allowing her hair to fall on his exposed skin she half crawled over him to get pick up the phone. His fingers were tangled in hair at the nape of her neck before she could straighten up. He used the hold to pull her in for a kiss. Not much had changed from the first time only hours ago; it still sent a sizzle to all the right places. Now there was a small layer of guilt somewhere underneath but she pushed that away. She had nothing to feel guilty about after all. She and Darren were nothing. He had a girlfriend and they'd left things last night quite clear they were not going to fight for each other.

When Chris pulled away his eyes remained closed and he whispered, "Regrets?"

She pressed her lips lightly against his and spoke the word into his mouth, "None."

Now he met her gaze, "Me either. I feel like I should be freaked out but I'm just …happy."

"Me too. Uh…I wish I could stay."

"Call him back, tell him I'm sick and need you to sit with me."

"Sick huh?"

"Love sick." He laughed a little to show he wasn't serious, but his eyes gave him away.

"I think he'd tell me to have someone watch you. Ryan doesn't strike me as the type who takes excuses well."

He gave in, "Guess not. Okay, go ahead, appease the master, I'll be here waiting when you're done."

Zach met her in the lobby; he already had his sunglasses on and wasn't moving his head when he walked.

"I hate him. He knows we got in a few hours ago. He's doing this to make a point."

Issey chugged a half a bottle of water from her bag and handed one to Zach, "Of course he is, but I say never let him know he gets under your skin. It's fun for him but if he doesn't see you ruffled he'll stop."

"Spoken like someone new to dealing with Ryan. How's Chris?"

"He's gonna be sick when he sober's up."

"Still out of it?"

"Sorta."

Being the cruel type Ryan of course had a table outside in bright sunshine and wouldn't hear of it when both Zach and Is tried to beg off eating. Issey went with dry toast and berries, Zach a plain bagel and coffee and Ryan ordered Huevos Rancheros.

Ryan gave his notes, Zach and Issey tried to stay awake while he talked. They pushed their food around their plates and nodded along to Ryan's list of things that he'd like to see worked on. When he suggested a full dress rehearsal that afternoon Zach put his foot down. He spoke to Ryan as if her were a child, explaining that he was certain the changes Ryan wanted could be worked on without a full rehearsal and that doing anything of the sort the day after Chris's 21st birthday would be nothing more than punishment. He let Ryan know that he would be wearing out the actors and while he was aware that Ryan didn't care about that when they were shooting it was different on the road. Issey popped in that the more tired everyone got the more likely they would end up sick and without voices.

Even a small win over Ryan was huge so they took their victory seriously when he agreed to go without a full rehearsal. Zack and Issey got up to make a quick exit before Ryan changed his mind but he stopped them. "Okay, no full rehearsal but Isabel I'd like to sit in on a voice lesson with you and Lea today and with Darren as well. I'll meet you at 2, Lea first. You've done something to her voice and I don't like it. "

She wanted to rant that what she did with Lea's voice was save it but there was no point to that. She just stood and groaned inwardly at the thought of having to face Darren with Ryan in the room.

In the car on the way back to the hotel Zach pulled down his sunglasses, looked at Issey and laughed, "I don't know who you think you're kidding with that scarf but you can see the hickey right through it. I guess Darren showed back up last night after all, huh?"

It was going to be a very long day.


	30. Chapter 30

In the elevator on the way upstairs Issey called Lea and let her know about the vocal lesson for Ryan. When they disconnected she was standing outside her own hotel room door. She didn't really want to call Darren in front of Chris. She didn't really want to call Darren at all. She bit her lip and texted him instead.

Issey: Ryan wants to sit in on a lesson with you this afternoon around 2:30. We're doing Lea first.

She thought about saying more but decided to leave it at that so she hit send and unlocked the door to her room.

Inside she heard retching noises coming from the bathroom. "Chris?"

"Don't come in!" he yelled through the closed door.

She shook her head and smiled at his voice. "Please, just let me in. I can help."

Another loud retch then, "It's too gross."

"We've all been there Christopher, I'm coming in."

She tried the door and found it unlocked. He was on his knees and looking decidedly green. "Aw honey." Grabbing a face cloth she ran it under the cool water and placed it on the back of his neck, then sat on the edge of the tub. "How long has this been going on?"

He relaxed against her the tension leaving him as she rubbed his back. "Don't know. Not long after you left, it started. I'm never drinking again."

She carded her fingers through the hair on his forehead, pulling it away from the beads of sweat there. "Yes, you are, but maybe not that much. Sobering up some?"

"Sadly."

They were quiet for a few minutes then he answered the question she hadn't asked out loud, "No, sobering up hasn't changed how I feel about last night. In case you were wondering."

Her phone beeped in her pocket. She met Chris's eye and told him, "Me either." before checking the message.

Darren: I'll be there.

She stared at it for a minute realizing she had been hoping for more.

"Something important?"

"Darren."

"Oh."

She played with the hair by his ear, smoothing it back, "Ryan wants to sit in on a lesson with him today. And with Lea. I don't think he likes what I'm doing with them. Vocally."

"What did he say?"

"Darren? He said he'd be there." She turned her phone for him to read the messages.

"You gonna be okay?"

"I don't know. I can't think about it. You seem to have stopped throwing up, why don't you try lying down for a bit."

"If you'll lay with me."

She agreed so he ran some cold water over his face, brushed his teeth and followed her to bed. She crawled into his waiting arms after setting the alarm clock.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know." She rested her head on Chris's chest, "I guess I'll just see how it goes."

He kissed the top of her head, "Don't. Not then. Wait until I can be with you. If you're going to tell him we should do it together."

"I don't want to talk about him anymore. He's her problem. Let's just try to catch up on lost sleep okay?"

A knock at the door woke them both just 15 minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off. Issey put her finger to her lips and tiptoed to the door. Peeking through the peephole she saw Ashley on the other side and opened the door. "C'mon in."

"I haven't seen Chris since last night, I'm sort of worried. Do you know where…oh." She stopped when she saw Chris still half asleep in Issey's bed.

"I'm here." He gave a small wave. "What about you? Did you go home with football guy?"

"I…no. I mean I got his number and he bought me a few drinks… did you sleep here?"

"Slept here, threw up here. My head is pounding. How are you upright?"

"I didn't drink as much as you dumbass. Where's Darren?"

Chris looked at Issey, who grabbed a dress from the closet. "I've gotta get ready to go."

As she closed the bathroom door behind her she heard Chris, "They had a fight."

She pulled on the dress, wrapped a darker scarf around her neck and ran a brush through her hair. A fight. Was that how Chris saw it? She wouldn't have described it that way. It wasn't so much a fight as she found out the truth. She tried to ignore the horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach as she left the bathroom.

"Okay kids, I'm out. Chris do you need me to having anything sent up for you?"

He hesitated before speaking, obviously choosing his words carefully. "No. Are you, do you want me to come with you or?" He hadn't told her about last night, it was clear from what he wasn't saying.

"Nope, but if you have a bike lesson today you'd better postpone it."

"Oh…okay. Do you plan on coming back here after or" he looked nervously at Ashley, "or should we just meet you at the show?"

"Ash can you give us just a minute alone?" Issey felt terrible asking but Chris seemed uncomfortable with her going and she just wanted to find out what was going on in his head.

Ashley left but didn't seem happy about it. When she was gone Issey walked to where Chris sat at the edge of the bed. "You okay?" she watched his eyes for lies.

"No. I'm not ready to send you back to him. He's gonna win this you know."

"It's not a contest." She kissed him, meaning for it to be a quick soft kiss before she ran out the door but his long fingers tangled in her hair and somehow she was instantly in the bed with him. "Colfer don't mess up my hair, I have to go."

She and Lea rode together to the lesson, Lea talking about how much fun she'd had the night before and why Ryan might have asked to hear her lesson when there were other people who needed more attention vocally. Issey tried to make the appropriate noises, give the right responses to create the illusion that she was listening but in reality her mind was going warp speed.

Was this just a fight with Darren? Why did she want a longer response from him? She couldn't trust him now could she? And now the Chris thing, what was it? She had been happy in his company from the moment they met. He had been there for her whenever things got weird or upsetting he was there, and when she needed a push to stop overreacting he was the one who helped her get over herself.

She'd been attracted to him. She had tried not to be because it made her feel stupid, like one of those girls who can't deal with real relationships so they get close to a gay man then fall for him, safe in the knowledge they'll never have him so they won't have to deal with an actual love affair. She could see the appeal though, given how things kept working out with straight guys.

It hadn't mattered how hard she tried or how much logic told her she shouldn't look at him the way she did. He had blue eyes that sometimes looked sea glass green. Flecks of gold flashed in the ocean of blue when he was in the sunlight. His hair fell into loose natural swirls of strawberry blond when he wasn't gelled into a pompadour. His long torso fascinated her, all coiled strength he rarely unleashed, but when he danced, when he moved at all, it was with confidence, a masculinity you might not expect if all you knew of him was Kurt.

Thoughts of him moving quickly turned to thoughts of him kissing her, moving over her, into her, no reservations or hesitation.

"Hello?" Lea was looking at her funny.

"Huh?"

"We're here, and you were just sitting here staring off into the distance."

"Oh, yeah, lots on my mind, sorry."

Lea smiled at her, "I bet. You were blushing, bet you were thinking about how Darren left those love bites all over you last night."

Issey instantly put her hand to her throat, "Love bites?"

"Scarf, rookie mistake. Everyone knows what that means, plus it doesn't cover the others."

"Crap. I was going to try to put some make up over them but I woke up late."

"Don't worry about it, no one cares."

"Someone will." Was all she said as she climbed out of the limo. They had about 10 minutes before they were due to meet with Ryan so she thought she might just make it to the makeup room before beginning work but of course Ryan was already there and waiting to begin.

As they were about to get started her phone beeped alerting her to a text. She took a fast peek and broke out in a red faced grin.

Chris: Nice tattoo!

She typed a fast response.

Issey: Nice dimple.

Ryan cleared his throat so when her phone beeped to tell her Chris had responded she ignored it and started playing Lea's warm ups. Ryan didn't like the softer side of Lea's voice. His Rachel was a belter and that's how he wanted her to stay. Much to Issey's surprise Lea stood up for her, explaining to Ryan how much Rachel had grown over the past two years and how she would have been watching musicals and learning to soften, to nuance her performances as she got older. It would be character growth, and aside from that it was a thousand time less strain on her physically. Ryan agreed to give it some thought and Lea kissed him on the cheek, working her magical charms on him.

Ryan walked Lea out giving Issey a chance to check her texts. She had changed her phone to silent in response to Ryan's face when the second message beep came in.

Chris: Dimple?

Chris: Seriously…Dimple?

Chris: Do you have me confused with someone?

She sat smirking at the phone, just as she began to type a response she heard someone behind her clear his throat. Her heart was in her throat when she turned and looked right into Darren's eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

"Ryan is walking Lea out; we should be able to start in a few minutes." She tried to remain passive, ignoring the blood pounding in her ears. Turning her attention back to her phone she responded to Chris.

Issey: No confusion. Dimple. How do u not know this?

"I was hoping we could talk." Darren began to sit next to her on the piano bench then awkwardly sidestepped and pulled over a stool.

"I don't think now is the time." She avoided eye contact and held tight to her phone, praying Chris would answer right away, she needed the distraction.

"I need to apologize for what I said last night. The rest can wait but I want you to know I don't think you're a tease and I was an asshole."

Her phone beeped with Chris's answer. She swallowed hard and addressed Darren first, "Accepted. I apologize too, to be honest I don't remember everything I said, I was pretty drunk, but I'm sure I wasn't being fair."

"We need to talk though, not here, not now, but we do need to talk." He tried to take her hand but she pulled it closer to her.

"After the lesson, if Ryan doesn't want me to go meet with him."

She looked at her phone.

Chris: You're lying. I don't have dimples. Is he there yet? RUOK?

She heard Ryan coming down the hall so typed quickly.

Issey: O yes u do -on your butt. I'll prove it 2ulater. He's here. Apologized. Talk l8r, Ryan waiting.

Chris: I look forward to the proving it part of that.

Issey: Me 2 pal, me 2

Ryan and Darren made small talk for a few minutes before Ryan asked them to begin the lesson. The normally unflappable boy was having trouble remembering his breathing techniques under Ryan's critical eye. She took him back to the most basic scales prompting him to meet her eye. She mouthed "relax" and forced her shoulders down in an exaggerated way.

He took a deep breath and shook himself a little before carrying on. It was better but the warm quality she'd always been drawn to in his voice, the honest place he sang from naturally was closed off.

She stopped playing, "Okay, not working. Close your eyes." He followed the directive without hesitation. "Remember that night on the beach? The way the sand under our feet was so cool where the water had been but kept the heat of the day further toward the parking lot? The wet cool press versus the warm soft shifting grains, the difference between the two? Remember the first few drops of rain, how they were so cold and were stinging and hard little pin points against our dry skin but as the sky opened and poured down on us the wet splash just covering everything and soaking into our clothes. You no longer noticed the individual drops, just the feeling of being bathed in the rain. Do you remember?"

His eyes were squeezed shut and she knew that maybe it was cruel to bring up that night, all things considered but she guessed he would know what she was driving at with the sense memories. "I remember."

"Good. I'm going to play scales, can you do them like the first drops? Sharp, stinging, each a little surprise?"

He nodded, keeping his eyes closed. She played the scales and he nailed the center of each staccato note. She couldn't help but notice the small smile playing at the sides of his lips when he stopped. "Let me guess, we're going from here to wet sand."

She was so proud of him; he really did get what she was trying to do. So many of her past students would have assumed the next step would be the full rain. The pride lasted only moments, quickly turning to sadness. He understood her. They connected. It wasn't her imagination.

She played, he sang, keeping his voice thick and velvety, pushing and pulling the breath so the note stayed a hair longer than it should have, started to take the shape of the note that came before and then disappeared into cool silence. She stole a look at Ryan who was listening with his eyes closed as tight as Darren's.

"Next we're going to do octave and half scales, dry warm sand, yeah?"

"Ready."

He made the leaps from chest to middle voice allowing one note to slide, briefly just barely flat into the next but then sharpening, leaving a definite line between the two. It was impressive to see how easily he went from slightly off to center of the pitch, exactly as dry sand would cave partially into a footprint but the impression was left without filling back in or sucking back out with your food. His control of the nuances made her want to listen to him forever.

She forced herself to focus and told him, "No more scales, let's do Silly Loves Songs."

"Make it rain?" he opened his eyes to check her reaction.

"Make it rain."

When he finished the song she realized her toes were curled under the piano and she hadn't taken a breath since the first chorus. He'd painted the room with the words, soaked the rhythms into the walls, the melody drenched their skin. They simply stared into one another's eyes until Ryan began to speak.

"I have no idea what the hell you were talking about but that was impressive. See if you can't teach that to Cory." And he was gone, leaving Darren and Isabel alone in the aftermath of the storm they'd created.

"So, uh, do you have the car here? Can we take a drive or something?" Darren stepped closer to her.

"No we, I came with Lea, we took a limo. Let's just go outside. There's a picnic bench area around the side where the roadies sometimes eat." When she pointed the way she saw his eyes lock to the bruise on her wrist, but he said nothing.

"How did Lea's session go?"

Small talk. She didn't find it necessary but he seemed not to know what to do with himself. Nothing about the walk outside felt natural. She explained the session while sending Chris a text.

Issey: Lesson over. He & I are going to talk outside. RU here yet?"

"See, I knew you two would end up on the same side." Darren offered.

"What?" Issey somehow thought he meant Chris, losing the thread of the conversation.

"You and Lea. Can you maybe put the phone away for a few minutes?"

The phone beeped as if on cue. "Give me a sec."

Chris: I'm in makeup. Let me know when ur done, I'll meet you outside.

Issey: I h8 this.

Chris: Do u want me to come out there now? Do u want to tell him abt last nite?"

Issey: give us a little time. I'll let u kno

She turned the ringer off and put her phone on the table. They sat together on the bench and Darren, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, began. "I wanted to tell you that I called Mia last night and asked her to come out here. I don't want to tell her about this on the phone and I need to see her to figure out how I feel. She's coming tonight, I asked her not to come to the show, to just meet me at my house." He bit his lips and stared pointedly at her wrist, "I thought you might be upset about her coming but it looks like maybe you meant it when you said you were done with me for good."

Issey sat back and tried to look him in the eye. "I'm glad you called her. I wish you'd done it sooner."

He nodded, "Me too. Did you mean it?"

She felt the familiar prickle of tears behind her eyes, the tight lump in her throat. "I don't know." She whispered hating that she always ended up crying in front of him.

"Look, I know I should have said something sooner, but I just, I haven't seen her in a while, and we had this understanding. I know that didn't mean that YOU were okay with it, but I just…no, there's no excuse, I'm not trying to make it okay, I'm just saying there's something here, something special, don't throw it away because I fucked up. Please." His eyes were red and wide, he leaned close to her, resting his forehead against her. "Please just believe me when I tell you, I have feelings for you both, I need to sort myself out, I know that but I never wanted to hurt either of you. Tell me you believe that."

She took her head away from his. "I believe you."

He took her wrist in his fingertips, "Chris?"

Her silence was his answer.

"Are there more?"

"Can we not…look, you do what you need to do to figure things out with Mia, I won't ask questions. I have things I need to figure out with Chris, things I didn't even realize until last night, I swear, but I understand now how you can have two people be so special to you. Let's just agree that neither of us owes the other anything at this point except honesty."

"You don't have to answer this but I have to ask, how far did you and Chris take things last night?"

Her hands were shaking. "We were really, really drunk."

This was enough for him. "But you realized today that you have feelings for him."

"Yes. I know you tried to tell me all along you saw something there but I've had so many gay friends who I was harmlessly flirty with it didn't occur to me that I was actually developing feelings that went beyond friendship."

"He feels the same?"

"I'm not going to speak for him. He actually wanted to be here for this part of the conversation, he felt like it was something he should tell you himself."

"You want to talk to Mia?"

"God NO, but Mia and I aren't friends, we don't have to pretend to be in love with each other for a living, and you and Chris are different."

"I'll talk to him, but I don't think I can talk to you together, I'd feel so ganged up on."

"That's not what's happening."

"I know, but if I asked you to sit down with Mia and I how would you feel?"

"Odd man out."

"Do you think that's bad news for us?"

"Maybe. I really don't know. I know that I still have feelings for you."

He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her lips. She allowed it for a moment, as an experiment but the butterflies in her tummy scared her so she pulled away slowly. "Go figure Mia out, leave me to Chris for now. If we're right for one another we'll come back to each other."

"Fine, but, I'll keep Mia away from you; can you and Chris keep the PDA to a minimum when I'm around?"

"Well I had planned on blowing him at family dinner tonight but if you insist…"

He just looked at her.

"Too soon?"

"Never gonna be okay."

"Sorry. My turn to be an asshole."


	32. Chapter 32

Darren gave her a hug, reassuring himself as much as Issey then went inside to go to hair and makeup.

She sat alone in the sun, her head pounding, knots in her stomach. Mia was coming and she couldn't stop herself from running the movie in her mind. This exotic, rock and roll beauty running into his open arms, the kiss long awaited and filled with all of the emotion placed on hold, simmering and bubbling, waiting to explode.

She hated thinking about him with someone else. The way he looked at her, the connection they had when they worked together, to imagine him sharing that, to picture his fingers caressing someone else's face was painful. She let it go further, imagining him tangled in crisp white sheets with her. Her long hair spread across his chest, milky white calves twisted between his strong legs. She tried to imagine their conversations, the two of them laughing together at memories made long ago.

It became too much, she was sure she was going to vomit. Taking a deep breath she reached for her phone thinking she might go back to the hotel for a nap or just to cry and feel sick in private before the show but when she lifted her phone she noticed a message.

Chris: Darren's back. Do you want me to come out or do you want some time?

She thought she wanted to wallow, to let herself feel all the pain of Darren calling this other woman, of him being with her and forgetting all about Issey and this connection they had but just seeing Chris's words on the screen seemed to calm her, untie the knots, give her back air to breathe.

Issey: Please come out here, I'm not ready to go inside.

He must have been half way there because he was by her side in no time, though he seemed at a loss for what to say or do. "So, you okay?"

She shook her head, no. He sat beside her and put an arm around her.

"I'm sorry honey. I don't want to pry but its killing me, what happened? Did you work things out?"

His eyes were filled with worry. She wanted to erase the doubt she saw there completely but how could she when she was so torn and confused herself?

"He asked Mia to come here, he wants to talk to her in person about what's happened and try to sort how he feels about us both."

Chris let that settle in.

"When is she getting here?"

"Tonight, he said he'd keep her away from me, and asked that you and I try to keep our PDA to a minimum in front of him."

"You told him?"

"Not in so many words. He saw my wrist and asked if it was from you. I didn't deny it. He asked how far we took things and I didn't answer."

"Was he pissed?"

"Resigned is a better word. What could he say? He has a girlfriend, and he's been telling me from day one that he was concerned about the connection you and I had."

"You have to be kidding. He was worried about me?"

"Obviously he had reason to be. He and I weren't even apart 24 hours and I was sleeping with you. At any rate it wasn't a stretch to him to see us end up in the situation. I told him you wanted to be there for the conversation and that made him really uncomfortable, though he said he'd be willing to talk to you without me there. He just felt like it would be two against one if the three of us talked together."

"Yeah, you and him against me is not my idea of a good time."

"He was worried about you and I against him."

"Feels unlikely."

"Chris?" she turned to face him, taking his hands. "Last night, was that an experiment for you, or do you have feelings for me? I mean, I know it wasn't just…shit, I'm really screwing this up. The thing is I told Darren to go work things out with Mia, see where he wants to be, with me or with her or on his own, but I also told him that I wanted to do the same with you. After I said it though I realized, maybe there's nothing to work out. Maybe you just felt like last night was fun, and we're good friends so you could be safe and try something new but that you weren't really interested in pursuing anything more."

"I know what you mean. Yes, I have feelings for you. Can I say that I was wrong and I was straight all along? No. Am I attracted to men? Yeah. I am. I don't' have answers, this is all totally new for me but I know this, what happened last night? I've been thinking about since the night we met and I don't want it to stop. I know you're in the middle of this, whatever the hell you're doing with Darren but I want you for me, I want to tell him that he can back the fuck off because he lied to you and I'd never do that. I want to wake up next to you in the middle of the night and find that puddle of drool on my neck. I'm getting used to it. I feel naked without it."

She was laughing. It seemed like Darren always made her cry and Chris always made her laugh. There just weren't words to say what she needed to so she kissed him. As they broke apart Chris whispered,

"So, we're doing this?"

They kissed again, "We are SO doing this." She smiled against his lips.

They held hands as they headed inside, drawing the attention of no one. It was an affectionate group in general and they had established a close enough friendship that nothing really threw up a flag for anyone that anything was out of the ordinary. There were still a few hours before the show and while Chris felt ready to eat she just wanted to be away from the group. He went to family dinner and she went to the piano room to record some new warm ups for Amber who wasn't being challenged by what she had, and some for Cory who clearly needed work in Ryan's eyes.

Alone at the piano she played out some melodies to sooth herself and tried to settle her mind to one thing. Being with Chris was something she hadn't really expected. Not that she hadn't thought about being with him, hadn't noticed the spark between them, just that she wasn't used to feeling these connections to people. Finding two in a row was a surprise, but even more amazing to her was that although she loved being alone with Darren, he allowed her to relax, to sleep, to let go being alone with Chris was invigorating. Chris took all of the things that scared her, that made her go to a serious place in her head and allowed light in to those places.

She considered that this might just be a tour romance, that their lives probably didn't work all the well together outside of the road but someone that was okay, because it was open and honest and she felt like they'd always be close even if it wasn't romantically. He'd probably leave her for some hot boy but she felt sure it wouldn't devastate her when it happened. If it happened.

Or they could just have their sea monkey wedding.

She didn't go back down before show time, deciding instead to hide out from the group. She didn't want to explain to anyone why she and Darren were distant, where she and Chris disappeared to last night, or why she was covered in love bites.

During the show she took her place at the board and tried to not stare at Chris. Watching him move, and dance in the opening was mesmerizing. There was a spring in his step even more than usual and she liked to think she was responsible. When he sang "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" she found herself biting her lip. He was connecting with the audience, reaching out to them, smiling and waving but somehow still managing to sing only to her.

When the Warblers began directly in front of her Darren avoided her gaze, focalizing on his performance and she was glad for that. When Chris and Lea came back to the ring she caught his eye only briefly as most of the song was done with his back to her.

She held her breath when Darren and Chris had their little scene together. She worried the tension between them would be palpable but they were both such professionals no one would ever guess a thing. Blaine looked at Kurt with shining stars of love in his eyes and Kurt twinkled back at him with his usual sass.

Single Ladies. She'd known it was coming. She'd seen it enough times now that it shouldn't even phase her but somehow tonight he was raunchier. The pants seemed tighter and one word repeated itself in her head as he swiveled and thrust, "Mine."

She went backstage after the show because Ryan was there and she knew she was expected. He pulled her to the side to discuss where he wanted to go with some of numbers and let her know he'd given thought to what she and Lea had to say earlier in the day and liked where she was taking her.

He continued to talk but she was distracted by Ashley passing by and giving her a less than friendly look. What could that mean? Was Ash upset at being asked to leave her and Chris alone this afternoon? What else could it be? Would Chris have told her the whole story? Surely he'd have mentioned that.

"So is that something you'd be interested in doing? I'd be happy to talk numbers with your agent but I wanted to talk to you before you said yes to another project." Ryan was asking her something.

Something fairly important from the look on her face (though Ryan tended to think everything he said was important.)

"I'm sorry, Can you send me an email outlining what it would entail. I'm sort of still in show mode and my concentration is on what I need to correct from tonight. I'd be happy to look over what you send me in the morning." She hoped this was an appropriate response and Ryan seemed to go with the flow saying he'd get something sent out to her before 9AM tomorrow.

When he was appeased and moved on to chasing Zach down the hall with notes on "Artie's dance thingy" Issey moved to the girls dressing room seeking out Ashley.

Ashley was there along with a few of the dancers and Jenna. Jenna commented that she hadn't seen Issey all day and wasn't last night fun etc. but then seemed to notice the looks going from Issey to Ashley and back so excused herself. The dancers paid no attention to the other girls.

"Hey, sorry about asking you to leave the room earlier, I was worried about Chris and just wanted to make sure he was okay."

"And leave another few bruises behind?" She seemed downright angry.

"Oh. Yeah, we got a little carried away."

"What the hell do you think you're doing with him anyway? I mean, go after Darren that's one thing, it's not like you knew he had a girlfriend, or maybe you did, I don't even know now about you, but Chris? Jesus, just let him be who he is."

"What are you talking about?"

Ashley was yelling now, "You, one of them wasn't enough, you had to screw with both of them? Chris isn't just some guy, he's really special, he get's hurt easily, if you fuck him over I'll kill you. Who's it gonna be next week, Cory? Chord? Should we start taking bets?"

"That's enough. I don't know what Chris told you but he's grown and makes his own decisions. I had no idea about Darren having a girlfriend and I walked away as soon as I found out about her. None of this is your business."

It was enough for one day. Issey started for the door texting Chris as she did.

Issey: Going back to the hotel. So over today. If you want to stay with me tonight feel free but don't feel like you have to.

Chris: Of course I want to stay with you. It's early yet, and you didn't eat, you want to go out?

Issey: Not really. Just want to sit in the dark.

Chris: Alone?

Issey: Not if being with you is an option.

Chris: You know we could go to my house, away from everyone.

Issey: Any pictures there of girl/boyfriends I should know about?

Chris: Just other people's dogs.

Issey: Presuming these were purely platonic relationships with the dogs.

Chris: Just a little heavy petting.

She laughed out loud.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Because I want to say in line with 's ban on M fiction there is a 33a that is sort of smack dab in the middle of this chapter. I've placed the link to it at the place in the story where it would be appropriate. If that doesn't work please check out my tumblr page, my name there is the same as my author name here. I've tagged it with the name of this fic as well as 33a. Thanks for waiting for the chapter, with both parts it's a little more than double my usual chapter length. Hope you enjoy.

Chris's house wasn't what she expected from the outside but inside was warm and inviting, despite no one having been living there for weeks. It was like a show house, beautifully appointed, everything in its place but as pristine as it was, it was also comfortable with touches of Chris everywhere.

He gave her a quick tour and then led her to the kitchen. "I insist you eat something. I got groceries so I can make you pretty much whatever you want as long as it doesn't involve anything too exotic."

She rubbed her hand across her stomach, her appetite was non-existent. She hadn't been kidding when she said she wanted to hide in a dark room. She wrapped her arms around his waist hoping to distract him, "I don't want to eat. I'll eat tomorrow."

"You can't pick which days you want to eat. What about something simple like grilled cheese?"

She wrinkled her nose, "Too greasy. What about a piece of toast?"

"Two pieces, with some fruit."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. You're mean. I just wanna snuggle." She kissed his collarbone right over her handiwork from the night before.

"You get a kiss for every bite." He sing songed at her, cajoling.

"Pretty sure I'm getting kisses anyway." She nipped at his jawline.

"You're used to guys with no self-control clearly. Two pieces of toast and some fruit or we sleep in separate rooms."

She pouted up at him, hoping it was cute. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and just when she thought she'd won him over he lifted her onto a stool by his countertop.

"Do you want tea with your toast?"

She knew when she was beat. "Yes, please."

She agreed to jam on her toast along with a half a banana, some raspberries and a few strawberries. He carried the food and she brought the tea pot and cups into his TV room. Snuggled together on the black leather sofa he flipped the television on and the room was filled with Ice Road Truckers. She absentmindedly took a bite of strawberry and before she had time to swallow Chris was kissing her.

Issey began to giggle and pushed him away afraid she'd choke. "You have to let me finish the bite first!"

"Took you too long. "

She swallowed and leaned in to kiss him again.

"Uh-uh, bite first."

"If you insist." She bit his shoulder gently.

"Cheater!" he pretended to be scandalized. "Now you have to take two bites, OF FOOD, for your next kiss."

"You gonna let me finish chewing this time?"

"Remains to be seen."

"So wait, I have a question. Where's my motivation to finish this? I finish I'm out of kisses."

"The sooner you finish the sooner the Trucker's take a hike was we can get into that dark room you wanted to sit in."

She took an enormous bite of toast and sipped her tea to wash it down. Chris had turned to the tv so Issey took a bite of banana and another of toast. She tapped him on the shoulder and held up three fingers.

Ice Road Truckers and the toast were on their own, Chris attacked, pushing her down beneath him and kissing her deep. They ended up crashing to the floor, Chris laughing and rubbing his backside, "You okay?"

She was fine. "Ooh, Mr. Self-Control bruised his butt, now Ashley's really gonna be pissed."

Chris sat up, his back against the sofa, "What?"

She took another drink of tea. "It's nothing. Ashley sort of gave me a hard time today about us. You should have warned me that you told her."

"I can't believe she said something to you. What did she say?"

"Something about killing me if I hurt you."

Chris ran a hand up Issey's calf, "Cut her a little slack, this is hard for her."

She raised an eyebrow in his direction and took another bite of toast. Now that she started eating she was actually starving.

"When I told her she was pretty upset, we've always joked that I would be her baby daddy, I think she felt as if I would have been hers if I liked girls."

"Hmm." She ate the half banana, "I can see that. Must be hard, no wonder she's mad at me."

"It isn't your fault. It's just the way I feel. I love Ash but she's like my best friend. Meanwhile Darren wasn't super happy with me either."

She sputtered on her tea, "You talked to him?"

He stole a raspberry from her plate, "Yeah. It was awkward. He came to me."

"And?"

"And said we had to work together so let's be professional. He could understand the attraction but didn't appreciate that I didn't really respect your relationship."

"RELATIONSHIP? He has a GIRLFRIEND!"

"I might have mentioned that. I told him it's not really a relationship if you're cheating on your girlfriend and he said he wasn't cheating on anyone. And then I got a little nasty because that was such bullshit."

"Got nasty how?"

"I told him that's right it wasn't cheating because you wouldn't sleep with him."

"Oh God."

"And he came back with "You don't have that problem do you? And I said, well, no, my biggest problem is hiding the hickeys and scratches."

She covered her eyes with her hands, "You did not. You didn't. Please tell me you didn't."

Chris ducked his head trying to see her face beneath her hands. "Are you mad?"

She lifted her fingers, her eyes sparkling at him, "You truly are terrible aren't you?"

"Not mad then, excellent. Well he wasn't getting the point because he shrugged and said, 'Good luck, that's as far as you'll get.'"

"Asshole."

"Yeah well, I kind of told him to go fuck himself and that if he had been more honest with you he wouldn't have to worry about who was sleeping with you."

"Wow," she slid closer to him and took his hand, "I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this. I know you guys are friends. Maybe I should just back off and be alone again; I don't want fights between you two."

"If you're changing your mind about being with me say so, but don't let him being a dick keep you out of my life. He's wrong here and he knows it. He backed off and told me he hoped we were happy, that he would probably take you away from me but for now if I make you happy then he would deal. "

"How noble. And what makes him think he can just take me away? I don't think he's seeing the situation very clearly."

Chris leaned in and kissed her softly. "You want anything else to eat?"

Looking down Issey realized she had finished her plate. "Nope. I want my reward for finishing. AND you owe me bunches of kisses."

"And you need to prove your dimple accusation." He stood and offered her his hand.

To call his room masculine would be an understatement. Where Darren's room had been a mess of memorabilia and music Chris's was a calming refuge from a chaotic life. The walls where charcoal grey; the paintings in the room black and white. Moonlight shone through the blinds as Chris kissed walked her backward until her legs stopped against his bed and she bounced down onto it. Sliding back she flopped onto the pillows.

"You have the softest bed I have ever been in."

He climbed in beside her and took a few minutes looking at her. "What if he told you next week that seeing her helped him realize it was over, that he wanted only you?"

"That's what this time is about for all of us isn't it? To figure out the answer to those questions? It's possible we'll find out that he wants her, or neither of us and that you were simply expanding your options in a safe place."

He let her snuggle against him, both of them still dressed and on top of the cushy grey comforter. After thinking for awhile he sighed, "Is that what you think you are to me? A safe place?" 

"In some ways. Maybe." 

He propped his chin on top of her head, sliding his jaw from side to side while he considered. "I think you're wrong. You're not the safe choice. If I were just looking for a safe place to test drive hetero sex I'd probably just do it with Ashley. What about you?" 

"What about me?" she didn't follow. 

"Last night you were drunk, but tonight you're still here. Am I a safe way to get under Darren's skin, a way to get back at him for having someone else?" 

"If I had met you first, if the automatic assumption hadn't been that you were gay, I'd probably have been head over heels for you from day one. That first night we worked together on the balcony? At first I was disappointed that you interrupted what I was hoping would be a romantic night with Darren but by the time we'd spend an hour together I was wishing all the good ones weren't gay and wondering what it would be like to kiss you." 

"Really?" 

"Really. The night of the party, I wasn't in my room five minutes when you came in. Did you see what happened with Darren kissing Claire and follow me?" 

"No. Well, I mean, I saw you go into your room, I didn't know you were upset and I didn't see Darren and Claire, I just saw you go in. When you didn't come out right away I figured you might be like me and hate those things so I took a chance that you'd want to hide together." 

She spoke against the skin of his neck, her voice taking on the quality of someone very close to sleep.

"You could have just gone to your room." 

"But then I wouldn't have been with you. I don't know if you noticed, you were so focused on Darren, but I've spent every waking minute trying to find ways to spend more time with you."

She tipped her head up for a kiss. His fingers played at the hem of her blouse, sliding it upward, his  
>hands warm against the small of her back. Any thoughts Issey had of drifting off to sleep were quickly replaced by much more carnal ones. She unbuttoned his shirt and kissed across his toned chest, then<br>whispered to him, "Lose the jeans and turn over."

"Pushy." He teased but did as he was told.

She proved her point, and he paid out on all kisses owed and then some.

Details of the encounter would be inappropriate to share here. Fortunately inappropriate is prettymuch the rule over at tumblr so if you want the less ff friendly details go to** post/26808687637/how-it-feels-to-want-chapter-33a**

Lying on his back Chris pulled her into his arms, kissing her head and tracing loose looping patterns across her still sensitive skin with his fingertips. He smiled into her hair and whispered to her.

"Regularly scheduled intercourse?"

"Shut up, I was making a point, or something. I don't remember now. You ruin my ability to think." She kissed his chest and rested against him for a bit then added, "Because he's a little shellfish?"

"What?"

"Why your Sea Monkey hides his treasure."

"Oh, yeah. Lame huh?"

"It was a little fishy."

He groaned but laughed and stroked the inside of her arm as they snuggled in, both ready for a deep sleep.

Sadly for her the sandman appeared to have a limited supply of sleep dust and Issey found herself awake and super thirsty. Brian had come back into the room and mewed at the foot of the bed so she got up and headed for the kitchen, Brian close on her heels. She poured herself a huge glass of water and found a bag of his food and a bowl.

At the kitchen table she traced patterns in the condensation on her water glass. Issey oddly felt right at home in Chris's house, like she'd lived here for years. She looked, unseeing out the sliding glass door that lead to the back yard and allowed her mind to drive to what it would be like to live here, with Chris, and kids. She could picture it so easily it was a little disturbing. She'd be at the stove, the kids would be tearing into the house, soaking wet from the pool they'd put in the back yard for them. She'd hush them because Daddy would be working on his new script, or book or something and then scold them for dripping on her floor while handing out popsicles that would probably ruin their dinner.

Issey jumped back into her present skin when her phone vibrated on the table. Flicking her eyes to the clock she realized it was after 4AM so this was probably a text from her manager on the East Coast about whatever Ryan had been babbling about earlier.

Darren: Can I call you?

Her hands were shaking. What would he need to call her for now? Didn't he expect her to be with Chris? Did things go terrible with Mia? Was he just trying to upset Chris? Upset her? She set the phone down and tried to ignore it but it became the only thing in the room, drawing her attention in as if it were magnetized.

Issey: Really? Now?

Darren: Are you alone?

Issey: More or less.

The phone buzzed again and this time he was calling. She whispered, "Wait" and slipped as quietly as possible out onto the deck closing the door behind her.

"What the hell are you doing?" she whispered loudly into the phone.

"I just wanted to hear your voice." He was whispering too.

"Where's Mia?" She sat on a step and wished she smoked; this seemed like a perfect time to light a cigarette.

"Asleep. Chris?"

"Same."

They were both quiet for a while.

"I was kind of a dick to him tonight." He'd given up the whisper.

"Yeah."

"He told you?"

"Wouldn't you have?"

"Mm. I hate this. I hate how bad I've fucked this up for everyone and it's seriously all my fault. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Where are you?"

"Outside. I didn't want to wake her. You didn't answer the question."

She pictured him, having climbed out of bed (with her) wearing probably very little, pacing under the same moonlight she was in. His hair was very likely a wreck; it was likely he was running his hand through it obsessively.

"I wish I'd never gone to your house."

"You'd rather still be in the dark?"

"I'd rather you'd been honest and we'd worked it out, but yeah, if that's my only other choice I wish I was still in the dark."

"I really am in love with you."

"I believe you."

"I guess that's all I can hope for for now."

Again they both went quiet. She had something she wanted to say so badly but just knew she shouldn't. For the first time in her life she understood the idea of having a lump in your throat. It was real and painful and felt like a rock of words that she knew she had to get past.

"Darren?"

"I'm here."

"Please don't break my heart."

"What are you saying?"

"Don't lie to me. Don't tell me you love me if you don't. Don't try to spare my feelings and act like this is hard if it's not just so I don't think you're a dick." Again with the damn tears, she worried that soon there would be a Pavlovian response between his voice and her tear ducts.

"I wish I was there so I could wrap you up in my arms. Baby, everything I've ever said to you was true, Mia changes nothing about what's happened between us. "

"Nothing and everything, because you have to choose, and if it's her that's…I can't say it's fine because it's really not, but it's honest anyway but don't drag it out, if when you saw her tonight you knew then just say so."

"I just told you, I love you."

"And her?"

"I…this is going to sound like a cop out but I don't know. Yes, I feel like I love her, but how much of that is habit, is just the relief of having the girl I've spent my life with for years now close to me, and how much of that is something that I still want, I don't know. I bet my little talk with Chris revved him up to fight for you."

"There's no fight to it. I told him and I'm telling you, this isn't a competition. We just need to work out what's right for all of us."

"If the decision was all yours and you had to make it right now what would it be?"

"That's not fair and you know it. We need to hang up, the sun's rising for God's sake."

"Alright. Sleep well. I love you."

"I'll see you in a few hours." She hung up the phone before adding, "I love you."


	34. Chapter 34

Someone was patting her head. She closed her eyes tighter, trying to remember where she was, what state, what hotel, what tour…Glee, Colfer's bed, SO COMFY…but patting her head? Not Chris certainly, too small…she opened her eyes and reached for Brian.

"What do you have against sleep, furball?" she whispered, trying not to wake Chris. She needn't have worried a quick glance beside her revealed an empty side of the bed, save for the note on his pillow.

Ignoring Brian's protest at having been dislodged from his place at her head she grabbed the note.

Gone to bike lesson help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Lea called, wants to practice Happy Days, meet you both at 3. 

It was oddly brief but maybe he'd gotten up late and had to rush out. 

She checked her phone and found a message from Lea, two from Zach and three from her manager. Feeling lonely she showered quickly and called started 3 texts to Chris and then deleted each. It seemed risky to text him if he was on the bike or driving out there and she didn't have anything to say anyway. She rethought that. She had worlds of things to say to him, but nothing that needed to be texted to him right this minute.

It was already pretty late. She'd missed breakfast but ordered room service and texted Lea that 3 would be fine. Then she opened the envelope that had been waiting for her at the front desk and called Jim at his office.

Her manager picked up the phone with "Where've you been?"

"Sleeping." She looked at herself in the mirror over the desk. Despite having gotten up in the middle of the night, talking to Darren, returning to bed and laying there watching Chris as he slept for what felt like forever she looked really well rested.

"You don't sleep."

"These days I do a lot of things I didn't do before." She pulled the collar of her blouse away and examined a fresh love bite, shivering at the memory.

"I don't think I want you to elaborate on that. You ready to kill me for sending you out on this tour yet?"

"Not yet, no. There's a lot of talent. So, you called."

"Did you get a copy of the proposal from Ryan?"

"Yes, but I haven't read it. What does he want?"

"You."

Issey couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Zach said this would happen.

I'm assuming you've already told him that's not what I do."

I was waiting to talk to you. The money is sort of stupid and it might do you good to stay in one place for a little bit."

"You're my manager Jim, not my therapist. Just tell him no."

"I think we should tell him we'll give him an answer in a few days. Give you some time to consider."

"We can wait forever, I'm not going to agree to this but if you want  
>to hold out a few days and make him sweat that's up to you. Hang on, food's here."<p>

"You're eating? You don't eat. Who are you?"

"You have NO idea. None. I love these guys but there's no way I could do this long term."

"Talk to me Issey, what's going on?" Jim was used to being her anchor, her voice of reason from home when she felt a little at drift on the road.

"I think I'm in love." She shoveled an unladylike amount of scrambled eggs into her mouth.

"In…WHAT? You? Well all the sleeping and eating and whatnot make sense now. Bet I know who."

"Good, maybe you can tell me."

"What?"

"Nothing. It's not a guessing game."

"Zach though. I knew from the first time I talked to him the two of you would make a cute couple."

"We really need to talk about you and your horribly misplaced belief that you can read people. No."

"Not Zach? Oh, then I have no guess, I don't know anyone else on the tour."

She had a mouth full of French Toast, "Good, no guessing. It's not that cut and dried anyway."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I might be in love with two people. Shut up." She gulped at her orange juice.

"Isabel, do you want me to come out there? Maybe you really did need a break instead of doing this show."

She laughed, "No, I'm fine. I'm a little torn, but I'm fine. In a very strange way I think this is the healthiest I've ever been on tour."

"So do I tell him no?"

"Ryan?"

"Obviously."

She chewed and considered. "Give me a few days."

The gym was a little awkward since Ashley was there doing PT on her foot while still finding time to give her the stink eye. It was a relief when she checked the clock on the wall and realized she only had time to grab a quick shower before meeting Lea and Chris for rehearsal. Lea was waiting when she got to the hall. She was all smiles, beaming in a curious way. "So…did anything interesting happen today?"

Issey's mind went immediately to Chris being gone before she work up and how he knew Lea wanted to meet. Did she know that they were sleeping together? "Not really. What about you, happy to be home?" you get any good…packages today?"

It wasn't like Lea to make sexual innuendo so she guessed she was talking about the offer. "How'd you know?"

"I told Ryan how much better things are with you. You've really helped everyone sound better than ever." 

They walked together to the piano, Lea practically bouncing. "So he  
>asked if I wanted you to be a permanent part of our little family and I told him you already felt like one. Plus, wouldn't it be great if you and Darren didn't have to say goodbye at the end of the tour?" <p>

A cough from the doorway let them both know Chris was there. Lea turned her super white smile in his direction. "Did you hear? We're keeping Issey forever."

He cocked an eyebrow and stifled a smirk. "Yeah?"

Issey knew she should say something about not having said yes, about not having any intention of saying yes but instead she found herself staring (slightly openmouthed) at Chris. He'd worn leather pants to his cycle lesson. They fit like he'd showered in them. It was all she could do to not shove him against a wall and stick her tongue down his throat.

Finally finding her voice she shrugged, "I'm considering it."

Chris nodded and then took his place by the piano, "Lea's supposed to be in makeup in a half hour so we'd better get going."

Something was off. He was distant, and it didn't feel like it was only because Lea was in the room. They got through the rough spots Lea'd been worried about with a few very small changes. In all honesty they hadn't really needed Chris there at all, he was note for note perfection, but Lea liked to have all the elements together. When their time was up she hooked her arm through Chris's and asked him if he was coming to makeup with her. Issey spoke up telling them both she wanted to work a little more with Chris.

When they were alone Issey left the piano bench and wrapped her arms around Chris's waist. "The wrong Colfer man woke me up this morning."

"Sorry about that." He stepped away from her and went to get a drink of water.

"Chris?" It was definite, he was pushing her away.

"Did you want to work on a song?"

"No. I wanted to be alone with you. What's going on? Last night was…"

"You told him you love him." Chris's voice cracked a little as he said it. He didn't look at her.

"What? What are you talking about?" Her stomach lurched as she tried to remember what she'd said to Darren on the phone.

"You were under my window, Issey. I heard you. You told him you loved him right before you hung up."

"No. I didn't." She flopped into one of the easy chairs that lined the room.

"I. Heard. You. Why are you lying to me?"

"I didn't say it to him. I said it after I hung up." She rubbed her hand over her brow, suddenly her head ached. "I don't lie to you."

She patted the seat beside her, "Please come sit with me?"

He gave in, sitting beside her but still not saying anything. She curled onto him, "I will never lie to you Chris. You know I'm trying to sort my feelings. I didn't say it to him, I just…said it."

"Thinking about him, and like less than an hour after we had sex."

"I said it to you when you couldn't hear me too. I sat up watching you sleep for hours last night. I whispered all sorts of things to you."

Chris ducked his head a little to look her in the eye, "You did?"

"I love watching you sleep. All the walls come down; your face does all these adorable things. You purse your lips and twitch your brow and it's almost impossible not to start kissing you."

"Who called who?"

"Please let's not do this. Why does it matter?"

"It matters because if you got out of my bed to call him after…after, then obviously I'm not what you want."

"He called me." She pulled her phone from her pocked at brought up her call log turning the screen to him.

"You don't have to, I believe you, put that away please."

"I didn't want you to think I was lying again."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you, it's just I HEARD you say it."

She sighed against him and closed her eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What is this, for you? You said you've been trying to spend as much time as possible with me, and obviously there's a physical attraction, but do you really think you want to be with me or is this more of a really good friends with really good benefits kind of thing? Because I have to tell you Colfer, I'm kinda falling in love with two people here and it's scaring the shit out of me."

"Want me to make it easy for you and take myself out of the equation?"

"I want you to tell me what you're feeling because while we've been pretty physically expressive you haven't actually SAID much."

"I'm falling. I'm terrified because everything in me says I'm being stupid because you're going back to Darren but I can't help it. I'm falling."

"And part of me feels stupid for falling for you when I know you're going to leave me for some beautiful boy."

"I'm not thinking about boys when I'm with you. I'm not talking to boys on the phone in the middle of the night and whispering that I love them when I hang up."

She had had enough. She climbed onto his lap facing him and kissed his lips as softly as possible. "I'm sorry that hurt you. I'd have never said it if I thought you could hear it, I'd never say it to you in front of him either. When I came upstairs and you were sleeping I watched you for so long and I cried until my face hurt from the salt in my tears because I felt like I was lying next to a dream that would disappear when I woke up. Like you were something magical that I can't keep no matter how hard I try to hold onto you. I'm done screwing around here, I love you, I choose you. I don't care what Darren decides because I know that you make me happy and if I lose you in the end then I do. I'll have to just deal with it."

He held her hands in his and spoke as if his voice was made of fragile glass, like if he leaned on it too heavily it would shatter and take the moment with it. "Not because I'm hurt. Not just to make this all go away."

She brushed his hair away from his face; it was flatter than usual thanks to the helmet he'd worn earlier. "It's not those things. I know it might seem that way, and it might seem like a snap decision but really, lying there last night I knew. I know how I feel when Darren looks at me, when he holds me and kisses me and it's hard to push those things away because it's been so long since I've felt those things, but Chris, something stopped me, before I even knew about her, I couldn't let myself go with him. I told him I couldn't be with him because how much I wanted him scared me, but even knowing I could lose you, it's worth it, I want you and I'm not afraid of it. The things we've done together the past few nights, I've thought about them plenty in the past few years but I couldn't imagine letting myself go there with someone I hadn't been with forever."

Chris pulled her into him, kissing her deeply, cradling her head in his hand. When she came up for air he moved to kiss her throat and when his cell phone rang he shut it off without bothering to look at it. "Issey, I couldn't have done what we did last night with anyone but you. When I told you no one marks you but me I meant it. I'm afraid of how possessive I feel about you. You should know, I've always had fantasies about the dominant thing but I never even considered feeling confident enough to actually act on it. With you though, I don't over think, I don't worry about your reaction, I just…am, I just want you and trust our connection to each other. It's later that I worry."

They kissed again, her digging her fingers into his shoulders harder than she should. "No more. No more worrying. I'm yours, the end. For as long as you want me, I'm yours. I'm telling him tonight."


	35. Chapter 35

Everyone had finished meet and greet and Lea and Chris were in with the final press interview before show time. They still had a half hour before anyone had to go on so Issey was playing psychologist with Heather, Naya, Corey and Riker.

"Sorry to interrupt, can I steal you away for a few minutes?" Darren tried to be as casual as possible in front of the others.

She didn't really want to talk to him right now, preferring to have the conversation they needed to have after the show. Not being able to come up with a non-suspicious reason to put him off she stood cheerfully and followed him out of the room.

He was in Blaine's uniform, his hair slicked with much too much gel so he could dance and have his hair stay in place. Her stomach went sour, even with Blaine taking over his eyes were the same and when he reached for her hand as they walked down the hallway looking for a private room it fit like a favorite old glove.

They entered a small office with just a desk and two office chairs. He asked her to sit so she did; he sat across from her, rolling his chair close enough that their knees would bump if he hadn't slid one of his between hers. She decided to pull the band aid off quickly.

"I was going to ask to talk to you after the show tonight. I've made a decision and I wanted to talk to you about it."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about too. You asked me last night to not prolong things, that when I knew I should tell you."

"I did, yes." She tried not to look in his eyes, it was too hard. She didn't want to question her decision and looking at him seemed to lead her in that direction.

"The thing is," he took her hand, "after we hung up last night Mia came outside and we had a few beers and talked about what life would be like right now if I hadn't gotten Glee. I'd still be in LA, or in Chicago and she'd still be in New York, but would we be together? Glee's given me the money to fly out to see her more, for me to pay her flights in to see me. We wouldn't have had the time together that we have, and maybe I'd have met someone and maybe she'd have met someone."

Issey noticed that she wasn't the only one avoiding eye contact. He kept hold of her hand, rubbing his thumb across her skin but not looking at her.

"But with Glee my time because so precious and yet because we had the money instead of saying screw it lets go our separate ways we used it to stay together. I'm not saying it's perfect, no relationship is perfect, but she gets me and I get her and it's easy for us. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her, and I'm not saying it's your fault that I feel that way with you, but sometimes, sometimes with you I'm so afraid to say the wrong thing because I love that you let your guard down with me but I think I make you a little more fragile than you normally are and I think we should make each other stronger not weaker…not that fragility is weakness…" his desperation to make her understand his obvious decision to stay with Mia had led to rambling.

She removed a hand from his and held it up to him, putting a halt to his words. "Stop, I get it. Darren, you are…so important to me. You opened up feelings I didn't think I could have again and I'm so grateful for that, but you were right when you were worried about Chris because it turns out things with him are…"

"Better?"

"No. Not better or worse, I can't compare it that way. Easier. I don't know how else to say it. After I talked to you last night I went upstairs and watched him sleep and thought about how I feel with him. I told him today that I chose him. I know I'll probably lose him to someone else someday but right now he's what I need, and I think I'm what he needs."

Darren closed his eyes, taking it all in. "This all made sense until I was here in this room with you. I think I owe it to Mia, to everyone involved to try and make it work with her but…"

"No. NO but, this is what's best. I feel the same way, I don't think it's ever going to be easy to be around you and not see you as mine."

Before she knew what was happening his lips were on hers and she wasn't resisting, they were kissing and it just felt perfect. It went on longer than it should have before she pushed him back, Chris's face flashing in her mind. "I made my choice, so did you. We can't do this anymore." Her heart was racing.

He nodded and stood to leave the room. She waited until he opened the door. "Ryan asked me to stay on with the show."

"I thought you were already signed p for the entire tour."

"The show. TV."

"Oh. What did you say?"

"Nothing yet. I'm going to say no."

"Maybe you should think about that. What did Chris say?"

"We didn't talk about it. I just didn't want you to hear it from someone else."

He nodded again and left the room. Her phone vibrated less than a minute later with a text from him:

Darren: When I look in your eyes I hear the word 'wife' whispered in my mind. I hope we aren't making a mistake here.

She knew she couldn't answer him, even if whenever she looked at him she heard "mine" in her head. It would pass, that's what she told herself. It wouldn't last. It was the situation and nothing more. She knew letting him go was the right thing and when Chris knocked at the open door and smiled in at her all of her doubt melted away.

He tipped his head to the side, gauging her mood but didn't need to wonder long. Issey crossed the room in two steps and wrapped herself around him. He was in his polo and jeans for the show open and the shirt was scratchy against her cheek.

"Hey, it's okay. You knew telling him would be hard." He stroked her back and kissed her head. "He's upset now but he'll be okay."

She hugged him tighter to her, "He brought me in here to tell me he chose Mia."

"Oh. Sooooooo, that's good then right?" He knew there was nothing "good" about the situation but had to see where her head was at.

"Yeah, it's good. We both chose someone else, it's so much easier that way, or it should have been, but then… look, I'm never going to lie to you but there might be things you don't want to know. "

Chris held her elbows in his hands and stepped back from her, "You saying goodbye to him was the end of that relationship, this is the beginning of our relationship. I want to know everything that happens from now on."

He knew. It was clear he could guess that more than words happened in that room but he didn't need to know, he was okay with whatever she needed to be ready to move on. Her body relaxed, she had been so afraid to hurt him by telling him about the kiss but didn't want to withhold information from him.

The call sounded for everyone to come together to head onto stage but he bent to kiss her. "He's an idiot for letting you go, but I'm so glad he did."

She thought about the last text from Darren and wondered just how much letting go had happened there tonight.


	36. Chapter 36

Issey stayed for the after show meet and greet because it was their last night in the city and instead of going back to the hotel she and Chris were going back to his place again. He had brought up, and she had agreed that they could probably leave with a better memory there than him hearing her tell Darren she loved him.

During the greet she perched on the edge of a sofa watching the girl's reactions to the Boys of Glee. They all cried when they got to Chris. He would hug them and call them honey and the younger ones would hug him quickly and rush away to cry, the older ones would hang on for what seemed like a beat or two too long before starting to sniffle and cry in front of him. She tried to watch them with the other guys but her eye kept tracking back to Darren. He charmed them easily, had them laughing and at ease right away. The look in his eye gave the impression that each was the only girl he'd want to be talking to and he'd been waiting all night for her to show up and take him away from all these 'fans'. He was a master at this, it went beyond flirting. As awe inspiring as this was to witness it made Issey wonder how much of that he'd used with her.

When the last of the fans had been escorted out Chord asked everyone if they wanted to go out and celebrate their last night at home. Most said they would love to go but neither Darren nor Issey answered.

Chord yelled across the room, "Darren what about you and Issey? You guys ready to come up for air and be social for a change?"

Darren looked helplessly at Is, hoping she'd have an answer, which she did. "He'll have to check with Mia, she's in town."

Everyone who'd heard her in the fairly loud room went silent and looked from Darren to Is and back. Finally Darren spoke up. "I've decided to try to keep my relationship with Mia. She came out so we could talk things through."

Before everyone had the chance to become even more uncomfortable Issey added, "And I think it's a good idea, so there's no reason for things to get weird or for anyone to tiptoe around us."

"Hold onto your boys, ladies, she's making her way through the group." Ashley added partially under her breath.

Lea's head spun, "That was rude, I'm sure this wasn't easy for either of them."

"We'll see how you feel about it when she wakes up next to Cory."

Chris stood next to Issey, "Enough Ash. I love you but enough. Okay, might as well get this out there and be done with it since it's apparently dirty laundry night, Issey and I are seeing each other. You can all pick your jaws up off the floor, yes, you heard me correctly. This has all been very challenging for us and I think I speak for all of us when I ask that you just give us a little time to figure things out for ourselves before you start making your assumptions or asking a million questions. The Cliff Notes version goes like this, I've been falling for her since I met her but didn't tell her until recently. Yes it was surprise to me to feel like this about a woman, I don't know if this makes me bi or gay or straight or anything but a guy who wants to be with this girl. We've decided to try seeing each other and see what happens, Darren and Mia decided their relationship is worth working on. We're all still friends, and we really would appreciate your support. Now I think that's the most I've ever talked about my personal life so I'm done. Thank you for the invite Chord but Issey and I are going to my place to have a little alone time."

"Come out for one drink, it's our last night at home. One drink and then you guys can go home." Lea seemed fairly invested in everyone getting together.

Chris looked at Is and she shrugged, "Why not?"

Chord turned to Darren, "What about you?"

"Thanks guys but like I said Mia's here so I'm probably just gonna…"

"Bring her. I mean, if she wants to come. Bring her." Issey told him. "We might as well all be adults about this already."

That is how it came to be that Issey was on a bar stool next to Mia matching her shot for shot, both of them singing loudly along with the music thumping through the speaker near them.

Issey had seen Mia at the bar on her own, trying to get the bartender to pay attention. She went over and grabbed the stool next to her, "This guy takes forever to pour a drink."

Mia seemed grateful for someone to talk to, or maybe she was just always this friendly, "Agreed, I've been watching him make the same drink for 5 minutes. He must be new. I'm thinking about giving up."

Issey shook her head, "Never give up, I don't know about you, but tonight, I need a drink." And with that she put her two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly. Most of the bar turned to look at her. "Sorry to interrupt Sweet Pea but we're just DYING of thirst down here. Any chance you could make your way down here and spend a little time with my girl and I?"

The bartender shuffled down and filled their order quickly while Issey and Mia flirted with him shamelessly, hoping to ensure faster service for themselves next time. When they had their drinks they turned to face the crowd. Mia bit her straw as she scanned the crowd then leaned into Issey, "So how come YOU needed a drink tonight?"

Issey shrugged a little, "Meeting you. Hoping you don't hate me."

Mia frowned a little, "Why would I hate…oh, you must be Isabelle."

"Guilty. I don't know what Darren's said to you but I had no idea that he was in a relationship or I never would have…"

Mia downed her drink and caught the bartenders eye, ordering them both another. "He told me. I don't hate you, I don't even know you. He also told me you're the one who convinced him to bring me tonight."

"Yeah, well, I figured if you two are going to stay together and I'm going to stay with the tour it made more sense for us to just meet rather than trying to avoid each other as if we had something to hide."

After that they stopped talking about Darren, didn't mention Chris, and just sat drinking and chatting like any two women in a bar. Turned out they shared a sense of humor (heavily sarcastic) and both had a strong desire to protect the ones they loved from people with bad intentions.

Mia draped an arm around Issey's shoulder and shouted in her ear, "I'm really glad we did this tonight. I like you. You're ok."

Issey shouted back, "Eh, I could have done without it. You're too pretty in person."

Mia barked a laugh and kissed Issey on the cheek. They may have done more than a few shots. "Maybe we should ditch the guys and just date each other."

"Or at least dance together!" Issey took Mia by the hand and the two hopped up on a side bar and began bump and grind against one another. The guys were catcalling and before they knew it Heather and Naya were up there with them. To say that they had the attention of nearly every guy in the place was an understatement. It was fun for a bit but Issey caught sight of Chris, back in his leather pants, and having added a black button down shirt instead of the tee he'd worn earlier. He was leaning against the bar, hip cocked, arms crossed in front of him.

She slipped off the bar and made her way over to him, bumping his hip with her own. "Hey you. Having fun?"

He put one arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. "Have I told you today that you're perfect?"

"Wow you've been drinking."

"Not that much. I'm just so proud of how you faced everything head on today. You're amazing."

She melted against him, "Let's get out of here."

"You want to make the goodbye rounds or just sneak out."

"Sneak out, but I should say bye to Mia."

"Your new best friend," he added an eyeroll, "okay, let's go."

They went to the bar but Mia had jumped down too and was now dancing with Darren. Chris gave Issey a look and said, "You can text her later or something, c'mon."

"No, it's fine." She went over to them and tapped Mia's shoulder. Mia turned and smiled widely at her. Issey gave her a half hug and shouted in her ear, "Taking my man home. Come hang out on my bus tomorrow if you want while we move."

Mia gave her a thumbs up and she turned to go but Darren pulled her back, hugging her goodbye. As he did he told her, "Thank you for making this easier on her."

She just nodded and took Chris's hand to leave. Just this simple move made her heart skip a beat. It felt right to be his, to be leaving with him, to be able to reach out and know he'd reach back. His hand felt large in her tiny one, strong and protective.

In the back of the taxi she laid against him, his arm around her. "So I go to the bathroom and come back to find you doing shots with Darren's girlfriend, how exactly does that happen?"

"I'm frequently in the position where I have to spend a lot of time with people that it's easy to have awkward relationships with. I just take the bull by the horns and go in there, I find that if you just go talk to people and ignore the reason you shouldn't get along, soon enough you'll find you get along pretty well."

"Like you did with Lea."

She smiled, "Right. And like I'm gonna have to do with Ashley."

He nuzzled against her temple, "I'll talk to Ash, don't worry about her."

"I appreciate that Love but she basically called me a whore in front of everyone today and as a professional I can't allow that. I have to deal with her."

"Ohh that had a kind of sexy 'called into the principal's office'sound to it." He kissed the soft skin behind her ear.

Chris shut the front door and was immediately pushed against it. In the complete darkness it was finally time to act on all the fantasies she'd had about him and those leather pants. She kept her body close so he wouldn't move away and took the opportunity to slowly run her hands everywhere, across his shoulders, down the sides of his torso, loving the way his body cut in to waist and slim hips, moving closer still to slide around to cup the curve of his backside and kiss his mouth at the same time. He allowed it for a bit but then turned the tables, lifting her and carrying her easily to the nearby sideboard. Setting her on it he slid his hands under her hair, tugging lightly before caressing the back of her neck with a gentle thumb stroke. She took his face in her hands and traced his lips with a fingertip.

"Let's go upstairs." She didn't know why she was whispering but it felt right.


	37. Chapter 37

She smiled before she even opened her eyes. There was a furry something tapping at her wrist; Issey didn't need to look to picture Brian flicking his tail impatiently. That didn't bring the smile though, the smile belonged to the knees tucked behind her own, the arms wrapped around her waist, the lips pressed against her shoulder. The rhythmic breathing against her skin told her Chris was still asleep.

She reached for her cell phone to see the time and Chris moved in, mumbling something unintelligible until she was again pressed against him, his nose now against her neck. She couldn't help but think that her hair must be in his face but he didn't seem to mind.

He'd talked a lot in his sleep the night before, random sentences and words that held no meaning for her but were quite emphatic to his subconscious. The time on her phone made her sigh. They had to move. Chris had his riding test before they hauled out and then it was onto the buses by noon.

She caressed his arm but he was too far gone for that to matter. She considered grinding back against him but realized they wouldn't have time to finish what she started. She rolled over to face him, unable to control the smirk at the face he made, still asleep, at the loss of her in his arms. Issey loved to see him sleep, his usually very controlled features relaxed and told stories of all their own. He looked the picture of a pouting toddler, lips jutted out and brows knit.

She moved in close, blocking any chance for getting hit (she learned that the hard way the first night they shared a bed) and kissed beneath his chin. He jumped back a little, still not fully awake, "No, Brian, go'way."

She couldn't resist leaning close to his ear. "Meow."

He came fully awake with a start. "Wha…oh, hello." He kissed her softly. "Wait. Meow?"

"You accused me of being Brian."

"Well, you are pretty cuddly."

"Brian has better morning breath."

"I'll learn to live with it. Brian also drools on me when he sleeps. The similarities outweigh the differences."

"HEY, I didn't drool on you at all last night."

"How soaked is my pillowcase?"

"Shut up."

They kissed and cuddled, neither in a hurry to start the day what with the clothing and the moving around away from each other.

"What were you dreaming about last night?" She finally asked when they lay, her against him, both facing the window and wishing the sun would take a hike for a little while longer.

"Don't remember, why do you ask?"

"You were yelling about a toll bridge."

"Toll bridge?"

"Mmm."

"I don't think I've ever been on…troll bridge…could it have been troll bridge?"

She sat up, "It WAS troll bridge. It's what you were saying but I thought, he must mean toll bridge. What the hell is a troll bridge?"

"Did no one read you fairy tales as a kid?"

She thought back, "You know I had this gigantic, hard covered book, It was yellow and red and I only remember it having the words _Story Book_ in script on it. It had all the standard fairy tales in it and I'd look through it but it wasn't my favorite."

"Really? God I LOVED fairy tales as a kid."

"No, I couldn't get into it. It was always the same, beautiful girl goes on her own, finds trouble, gets saved by handsome prince and happily ever after."

"Those are the bullshit versions. Have you never read the actual tales?"

"No, I had no interest. I wanted to read books about little girls who were teased and turned into witches and kids who no one would play with who found magical stoves in the woods, or ate magical fudge and became animals."

"That's a lot of magic for someone who didn't like fairy tales."

She turned into him again, wanting to hide in his arms from too many memories of childhood. "Yeah, well, I didn't identify with the beautiful girls and their little fainty poor me attitudes."

He stroked her hair, "I wish I had been there to tell you how beautiful you are."

She looked in his eyes and found so much honesty there she almost couldn't stand it. "If we were there for each other then we probably wouldn't be where we are now. It's for the best, I suppose, but I wish I could go back and tell her that you're coming." She'd started to say that her Prince Charming was coming but immediately remembered a different bed, a different man. She'd called Darren her Prince Charming when he'd called her Sleepy Beauty, he'd called her Belle when she'd called him Beast. Her stomach flipped; suddenly she couldn't get out of the bed quickly enough.

"Come on Love, you have to take your motorcycle test today and I have to do a session with Diana and Chord before we get on the buses."

"I have to drop Brian off too. Do we have time to shower?"

"Separately? Yes. Together? No."

"Surely together is faster than apart, half the time."

"Not the way we do things, we're looking to get clean here, not dirty."

"Speak for yourself." He let his fingers feather between her legs.

"Chris seriously, we have to get a move on."

"See, we'd already be in the shower my way." He kissed her neck and continued the light strokes until she opened to him with a small moan.

"But your test…" It was hard to make a convincing argument when her legs were already wrapped around him.

"Shhh."

And she did, she shushed, and he shushed and for the first time they made love in the light of day. He was beautiful. She couldn't keep that thought out of her head. His hair was in every direction and the  
>red highlights gleamed where shafts of light streamed in through the blinds. His eyes were soft and<br>loving; drinking her in, making her feel like the most precious thing he'd ever seen. Lithe, muscular and covered in baby soft blond hair, his body in motion was like artwork. The concept of rushing chased away by delightful addition of the ability to look in each other's eyes, to watch each other's reactions to the way they fit together. It was one thing to be intimate in moonlight, the romance of shade and shadow making it easier to give in to one's more base desires but somehow the brightness of morning made things more real, less covert. She felt like they were a couple, not just two teens getting drunk and hiding from their real lives.

She took his face in her hands and waited until she saw his focus return to her. "I love you."

He leaned in, kissing her long and slow, "I love you."

She had always hated this part in books and movies. It was stupid. I love you, l love you, blah blah blah, one said it because it was what you said when you were having sex and the other said it because what else could you do? 'Oh, hey, yeah, thanks. I'm super fond of you too.'?

Now that it was happening to her though she finally got it, those words, so frequently thrown around were completely different when you meant them from somewhere so deep inside you didn't know it was there.

When they lay, panting, and sated next to one another, hands entwined Chris spoke without looking at her. "Will you do something for me?"

She exhaled loudly, and rolled her head toward him, "Apparently I'll do a lot of things for you." She kissed his arm, too lazy to move any further to kiss anywhere more interesting.

He stretched and pulled her into him, "At least think about Ryan's offer?"

She'd completely forgotten. She rolled onto her stomach and looked at him, "You say that now, but maybe you'll feel differently when you've spent a whole tour with me."

"None of this was a whim." He reached for her to come lay on him. "I hate the thought of losing you at the end of this. I'm jealous of the marks left by your panties, do you really think I'm gonna be able to deal with you out taking care of some other people?"

She smiled and popped an eyebrow at him, "What marks?"

"Oh, don't think I didn't notice." He licked his lips, "Does this mean you'll follow whatever orders I give you?"

"If you follow the one I give you now."

He looked at her quizzically, agreeing to nothing until he knew the rules.

"Get out of this bed and get into the shower because I'm pretty sure you missed your exam and I'm about to miss my lesson."

"Okay, but first I want to show you something." He leaned to his side of the bed and pulled his wallet from the nightstand. Reaching in he pulled a slip of paper out and handed it to her.

"Your licence! But you were supposed to test today."

"Stayed late yesterday and did all the requirements. Now I just have to wait for the other to come in the mail."

"Why didn't you tell me last night?"

"We kept getting interrupted and then we got home and…stuff."

"I really like stuff."

"Mmm, stuff's my favorite thing."

"Chris?"

"I still have to go to lessons."

"Yup, but Brian and I get to stay in bed awhile longer."

Brian who had had the decency to leave the room when things got steamy had returned and was at the foot of the bed now the tail switching was at a pretty epic level.

"About that showering together thing…"

"Oh but it will be faster on your own."

"Chriiiiiiiis."

"Shhh, sleepy now." He faked dropping off to sleep.

Issey harrumphed her way out of the bed but not before whispering in his ear, "I hope the bridge trolls get you."


	38. Chapter 38

Dianna and Chord had such a natural ease with each other, their voices seemed meant for one another. They smiled the entire time they sang, which Issey would normally discourage as it flattens out the vowels, but it was so endearing she let it go.

When they were finished working through the songs she left them alone, it had been nice, everyone being home, everyone being able to pair up as they pleased not having to worry about what bus they meant to be on or who might notice them slipping off to be together. It seemed like very few people were looking forward to getting back on the buses.

She texted Chris.

Issey: You ever get out of that bed?

It took over 20 minutes to answer her.

Chris: Yeah

He was so hard to read via text so she called him. "Please less chatter, I'm working." She told him jokingly.

"Me too. What's up?" he was clearly very distracted.

"Where are you?"

"Bus."

"Already? You must be anxious to get on the road. Did you get Brian back to you friends?"

"Yeah. Do you need something?"

"Oh. No. Just saying hi. Everything okay?"

"Fine, yeah. I'm writing. Can I call you a little later?"

"Oh, sure, yeah. No, I mean, I didn't mean to bother you. I'll talk to you later." She hung up and tried not to let his distant attitude worry her. A minute later her phone rang.

"I love you."

"Chris?"

"Who else, know what, don't answer that. I just realized how out of it I was when I talked to you. Sorry. I just get carried off when I write, sort of in another world."

"Don't worry about it."

"You did though."

"What?" she knew what he meant she just wanted to hear him say it.

"You were worried because I sounded weird."

"A little."

"I love you."

"You too."

"Not good enough."

"I love you, you brat, go write something brilliant."

"Will do."

They hung up and a minute later she got a text.

Chris: It's okay to tell me u kno

Issey: ?

Chris: That I sound weird and you don't like it.

Issey: Noted. Go write. Sorry I disrupted the flow. Love.

Chris: Love

She went to the hotel and put what few things she had taken out of her luggage away. Her phone buzzed.

UNKNOWN: were u serious w/ the offer to ride on ur bus today?

Issey: Mia?

UNKNOWN: guilty

Issey: Absolutely. Bring alcohol.

UNKNOWN: Done.

She sat hard on the edge of the bed. Issey hadn't planned on Mia taking her up on her offer. It was going to be awkward but she guessed they'd get through it.

She ran into Naya in the elevator and could tell she was dying to ask. "Go ahead."

Naya tapped her fingers against the glass wall and feigned innocence. "What?"

"You have questions."

"No." she shook her head but her smiled said 'yes'. "Nope, I'm just…okay. Really? Chris? I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and all but…"

Issey shrugged. "What can I say? From the very first night we met we just fit."

Naya wrinkled her nose, "I think I just see him too much as a little brother. I mean, the whole gay thing aside, to me he'll always be that chubby, goofy kid I met 3 years ago."

"I've seen pictures and the video of the first season of the show but I have a really hard time putting that kid together with Chris. He's so different now."

"I can't even look at him doing 'Single Ladies', it's just hysterical."

Issey smiled, "See, no, HOT."

"So he's, God, forget it, I'm not gonna ask."

"The answer is yes. He is, amazing, way better than he has any right to be."

Naya turned scarlet and covered her face with her hands "I don't want to know that!"

They came to the ground floor and ran into Heather and Harry coming from a dance rehearsal with Zach. Both girls were relieved to not have the conversation continue and headed out to jump on the buses with the others. Issey made a quick detour onto Chris's bus and found him sitting on his bunk hunched over his laptop, typing furiously. She thought about whether it was okay to interrupt but there was no one in this part of the bus so she took a chance.

"Hey." She said quietly.

"Hey" he looked up, eyes shining, clearly happy to see her.

She tipped her head, "We're not going to get to kiss goodnight."

Chris set his laptop on the bunk on the other side and tapped the bed next to him. She climbed in and he pulled the privacy curtain closed even though they were alone. Issey looked in his eyes, "I missed you t tonight apart."

He snuggled her into him, "Do you realize we've had sex every night since we decided to be together?"

"How are you gonna sleep without your fix tonight?" She kissed his chest where she lay against him.

"Probably just get Darren to give me a blow job since you'll be sleeping with Mia." He laughed.

She was quiet longer than he expected.

"I was kidding, obviously." He said dipping his head to search her face.

"I know." She went back to being quiet.

"I love YOU."

"For now." She pulled herself together and tried to shake away the melancholy she felt at the thought of him even teasing about sleeping with a man. "And as long as you're mine I want my goodnight kiss now."

He laid over her and kissed her, his hair tickling her forehead. His breath quickened as she pulled him down onto her, her nails digging into the back of his shirt.

"Sleep here." He breathed against her neck.

"I can't, I shouldn't ."

"You did it for him." He pouted.

"And slept with you. AND you spent the night squished against the wall trying to avoid touching me."

He rolled on his back, a smile on his lips, "That's NOT why I was against the wall."

She widened her eyes in his direction, "You're kidding!"

"Nope. Would have been tough to explain at that point though."

She kissed his neck and slid her hand south, "Nice to know I still have the same effect."

"It was only days ago, and don't start anything down there you don't plan on finishing."

"You're insatiable."

"It's one of the things you love most about me." He said with a self-satisfied grin.

"Too true, but we're not going to have this area to ourselves for long so we'll have to put this on pause."

"Ugh! I hate it when you're logical." Chris pulled the drama queen card.

"Yeah, yeah, one more kiss, then I have to go get on my bus."

He made the most of it, teasing her lips with his, nibbling, sucking and licking at her mouth. Issey had no hope of controlling the moan that escaped her throat causing Cory, who had turned up to find Chris's laptop on his bunk, to quickly excuse himself and take off for the front of the bus.

When their mouths parted Chris rubbed his nose against hers then kissed her eyes. "Keep them closed, I have something for you."

She did as she was told, listening hard while Chris leaned around the bed and unzipped something. She was anxious but not willing to peek. After a few seconds of quiet she felt something cool and delicate at her neck. "Open your eyes." He said, sliding his finger under the delicate silver chair at her neck.

"This stays on until I take it off. Okay?

She nodded that she understood even though she had no way of seeing the chain like a choker at her throat so he help up his phone and took her picture, turning it to show her. There was the thin chain, a choker with a tiny key that fell just at the hollow of her throat. The key was impossible to look away from. Unlike so many key necklaces she'd seen it was not adorned with hearts or cubic zirconia. It was simply a thin, perfect, unadorned silver key. This was only the part everyone could see.

The necklace fit around her neck closely, laying perfectly and latching from behind; however from either side, barely visible from the front two slightly stronger chains continued in loops down her back. Chris lifted the charm at the end so she could see, a pair of handcuffs in the same vein as the key.

"Where did you ever find this?"

"I saw it in Las Vegas and bought it then. I never dreamed I'd actually get to give it to you, but I bought it with you on my mind. You understand it means no one touches you but me?"

"Of course."

"And you'll wear it?"

"Until you take it off." She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I love it. Thank you."

He held her hand and walked her to her bus. Once they reached it she ran her hands through his hair, he lifted the chain and slid his fingers along the skin where it rested. "I feel better knowing you have this on. If I can't be with you at least this is there to remind you."

"I'll sleep better knowing you want me to remember I'm yours."

He held her eyes with his own for a moment then shook his head smiling, "How did this happen so fast?"

"I don't care how, I'm just happy it did." She touched the side of this face, "Love."

"More." He whispered in her ear before he kissed her cheek.

"My God you two it's ONE night apart, you'll live. I promise." Zach had been watching the lovers parting, rolling his eyes at the drama. "Get on the bus, lady."

She smiled to herself as Chris hugged her, rubbing his thumb purposefully over the place the handcuffs hung under her shirt.


	39. Chapter 39

A few of the dancers were sitting with Mia, everyone was chatting excitedly about finally feeling like they were getting on the road. At first they thought Mia was a new member joining the cast, most had  
>missed the announcement about Darren and Issey breaking up so were secretly waiting for the blow up when Mia told them who she was. Issey got on the bus and went directly over to them. "Hey you made it!"<p>

Mia grinned, relieved to have a somewhat familiar face there. They hugged, maybe a little awkwardly but it was good enough that the dancers who were waiting for a showdown got the message to move along, there was nothing to see here. 

"So I'm guessing you've done the tour bus thing before." Issey asked as they walked back to her bunk so she could dump her laptop and overnight bag that she never trusted to the roadies.

"Beat up old van thing, but yeah. Never anything as nice as this."

"You can dump any of your stuff on my bunk, I figured we'd sleep in the back anyway."

They took over the small nook in the back of the bus. It was meant as a meeting/office space but Zach and Issey had turned it into less of an office and more of a quiet space they could go to and get away from the "kids". It had a comfy couch, a soft area rug, a television with a blue ray disc player and a mini fridge. Zach joined them and the three watched movies and drank wine for hours. Eventually Zach stretched and called it a night.

"So I wanted to thank you for coming over last night, it could have been pretty awkward." Mia said refilling Issey's wine.

"Yeah, I couldn't have it just hanging there, and I knew everyone would be watching to see what would go down."

"Plus keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Mia raised her glass.

"I hope you don't see me as the enemy." Issey dug her toes into the carpet, bracing herself.

"Poor word choice. Rivals I guess."

Issey shook her head, "I'm no competition."

"Oh let's don't start lying to each other now. You wanted to come to me so you could get the points for being the bigger person AND check me out. If I'd seen you first I'd have done the same. Thing is, I kinda dig you so we might as well make the best of it."

Issey chuckled, "Fair enough, I wanted you to see I wasn't afraid of you. But mostly I guess I wanted to show you that you were in MY house so to speak."

Mia put her feet up on the sofa between them balancing her glass on her knees. "Afraid of me? Why would I think you were afraid of me?"

"I was playing on your court so to speak. If I found someone was spending time in Chris's bed at this point she or he had better be afraid of me."

Mia shrugged, "Darren and I have an understanding, and the way I hear it the day you found out about me you were out. True or false?"

"True. Immediately. I was pissed at him for not telling me."

"You still mad at him?"

Issey mulled this over. "Mad? No. Disappointed. He's just not who I thought he was."

"Can I ask you something that's none of my business?"

"If I can ask you stuff that's none of MY business."

"Okay, I get the feeling that you're not the type to bullshit around an issue, I'm not either. I'd rather have everyone's cards on the table and make honest decisions than dance around something and be  
>fucking up my life and everyone else's."<p>

"Hold that thought." Issey got up and padded through the bus to the small freezer. She returned, dropping onto the sofa close to Mia with an ice cold bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. "Let's just get it all out there then."

Mia took a shot and poured another. "Ground rules. Anything we say stays between us, nothing goes back to Darren or Chris."

"Agreed. And we don't use it against each other later." Issey matched Mia's shot.

"Yes, good." They clinked glasses and got down to the business of serious drinking and girl talk. 

"Okay, you wanted to ask a question, you might as well start."

Mia swallowed fast and asked, "Darren said you guys didn't really sleep together. He doesn't usually lie to me; I haven't given him a reason to. Is he lying?" 

"Only in the most technical way. We tried, we started but it didn't go well." 

"This is the weirdest thing I've ever asked someone but can I ask like, how it didn't go well? Like could he not get it up or?"

Issey took another shot and a deep breath. She wished she didn't hear the hope in Mia's voice. She had a hard exterior but if you really looked at her, really listened, there was a softness there. She was beginning to understand why Darren didn't want to let her go. Thinking of Darren though sent a stabbing pain to her gut.

"I don't know if you want to hear this really."

"Go ahead." 

"It wasn't him that couldn't go through with it. It was me. Look I tend to either stay silent or say too much. So if you tell me you want to know something the odds are I'm going to tell you way more than you ever wanted to know." 

Mia downed two shots and looked Issey in the eye. "Hit me." 

"We'd had a long but romantic night," Issey hated herself a little for throwing the word romantic in there. She did it to cut Mia a little. She liked the girl but let's face it, Mia was walking away with the only thing she'd ever really wanted. It might be petty but Issey wanted to get in a little dig. "We were talking about past relationships and he'd brought up some stuff from my past that made me really upset. I didn't tell him the whole story, Chris is the only person who knows that, but anyway, we tried. We'd started things once before but didn't have protection so we stopped but this time we were prepared and Darren was sweet and wonderful and all you would want someone to be but as soon as he was  
>inside all I wanted was him off of me. I told him, eventually, that it was because I was afraid of how much I wanted him."<p>

Mia looked sad making Issey both angry with herself and just a little proud of herself at the same time.

"And that was the truth?"

Issey nodded. "It was. I've never felt about anyone the way I do about Darren."

Mia looked at her feet. "Do."

Shrugging Issey refilled her glass, "You wanted it all. I've never felt this and I can't explain it, but I can tell you that when I look at him he takes my breath away. When he looks back like I'm the only person in the world my mind short circuits and all I can think is that I know that we belong together and that I want to hide in his arms forever. All I do is cry with him. I don't cry. Not ever. I'm a rock, but since I met him I'm an emotional wreck. I want him. I've never felt want like this before. I actually crave him, when I see him my mind; my body they have this response like a magnet. I know in my heart that I will always feel that way."

"Then why did you choose Chris?"

"Because Darren was never going to not choose you and because I love them both but as much as I need Darren, Chris needs me. Chris and I are so alike, and from the moment we met I just fell into this easy  
>place with him. It was less scary to choose him and know that he's probably going to leave me than to lose Darren. I can let Chris go. I love him, but if I lose him I won't be destroyed. Losing Darren after I let him know how much he means to me, I can't even imagine coming back from that. My turn to ask a question, do you love Darren?" <p>

Mia turned her glass in her hands when she looked up her eyes were shining. "He's my partner, my other half. I feel like I'm treading water in a strong current until I see his face and then I can just  
>float."<p>

"Then how can you have this deal with him, how can you share him like that?" It came out more accusatory than she'd intended but there it was.

"Honestly I never believed he'd do it. I've gotten seriously drunk and come close once or twice when he'd been away for a long time but in the end I've always been true to him and he's always been true to me. Until now. "

Issey handed her a tissue and she wiped the tear that had escaped to her cheek.

"I never thought I'd lose him, but I see him changing, not necessarily in a bad way, but still, changing and I get worried that I'll get left behind. I've never said that out loud before."

Reaching out Issey took her hand, she knew she had pushed too far, it wasn't Mia's fault they loved the same guy. "He loves you."

Mia nodded, "I know, but I think he loves you too."

"He chose you."

"To not break my heart, to be the good guy."

"I watched him when he danced with you last night. He didn't look like someone who was settling, he looked like a man who had everything in the world that mattered to him right there in his arms."

"And then you can Chris came over to say goodbye and everything about him changed. He watched you leave, he sighed when Chris took your hand. He didn't think I noticed but we've been together too long," It was her turn to let the claws show, "I know him, all of his little idiosyncrasies. I've watched him go through so many things; I've seen him be terrified he was never going to be the things he worked so hard for. I watched him fight to hang on to his dreams. I've held him through nightmares and watched countless girls fall in love with him while he just went along obliviously being the sweetest guy in the world."

The holding him through nightmares hit Issey hard. She didn't like to picture this. Mia had landed her first blow and was coming in for her second before Isabelle had a chance to recover. "If he had chosen you would have you have changed your mind about choosing Chris?"

"No." there was no hesitation. She didn't have to think about this. "Chris has been there for me this entire time and he's what I need. I think I'm what he needs too, at least for now. He might change his mind later but no. When we're together it's exactly right. I'm not saying there would never be a time down the road if he finds someone else and Darren," she paused to find the right words, "finds himself available, I wouldn't say no. "

"You really believe you're going to end up with him don't you. That's why you didn't choose him, you're giving him time to miss you so he comes back." Mia dug around in her bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Is there somewhere I can do this? I need more than this vodka." 

Issey stood and closed the privacy partition then went and opened the window behind the sofa they were sitting on. "Should be fine."

Mia knelt on the sofa to blow the smoke out of the window. About a third of the way through the cigarette she looked at Issey, "Are you sure you aren't afraid of sex?"

Issey smiled and pulled the edge of her shorts down to reveal a large bruise at her hip, then moved the edge of her tank top to show her extremely pale skin marred by a string of hickeys. "Chris and I can't  
>get enough of each other. The sex started out like animals just tearing at each other and then this morning…" she reached for the pack of cigarettes in Mia's hand and Mia released it to her easily, passing<br>her the lighter. Another shot and she lit up. She had stopped smoking years ago but every once in a while it seemed like the only thing to do.

After she had taken her first, long, satisfying drag Mia prompted her to continue, "This morning?"

"This morning I realized exactly how in love with him I am. I think before that I was infatuated with him, the idea of him. He was a forbidden fruit so to speak."

This made Mia laugh way harder than it should have but they were well in the bag by now.

"So you were his first girl?"

"I was his first anything."

"Seriously?"

"I have never been happier to smoke a cigarette in my entire life. You can't tell anyone."

"About the cigarette or Chris?"

"About anything that happens in this room tonight."

"Didn't we agree to that already?"

"No idea. I'm getting a little foggy, but about Chris he'd never been with anyone, and it's obnoxious how good he is."

"Better than Darren? Cause seriously, Darren's a fucking rock star in the sack."

"I wouldn't know." Issey said miserably, sinking back down into the couch, not caring if she filled the room with smoke.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Well, not really sorry because, y'know, but yeah. How did Chris manage to stay so unspoiled? He's a hottie."

"I think he just had other things on his mind. I don't know, but I'm glad because at this point I can't even think about him touching anyone else."

"So everything worked out for the best for us. Except tomorrow after the show I go back to New York and you get to stay with Chris."

"At least you get to go back knowing Darren chose you."

"And that despite the fact that you're in love with Chris you still have some pretty serious feelings for my boyfriend, and he has some serious feelings for you. It would have been way easier to just come here and hate you."

Issey was about to tell her the feeling was mutual but she was getting a text.

Chris: This is NOT working.

She couldn't not smile. Mia watched her face change, "Chris?"

"How did you know?"

"You just lit up."

"Yeah." She sighed deeply, "He has that effect on me."

Issey: Tryyyy wriiing

She looked at the text and couldn't stop laughing. She showed it to Mia. "Shit I'm drunk."

Her phone rang and Mia took it. "Issey's phone…let me see if she's available."

Issey had slid onto the floor and was giggling really hard despite having hit her head on the way down.

"I'm sorry, she's apparently hysterical at the moment, would you like to leave a message?"

"GIVE ME MY BOYYYYFRIEND!" Issey demanded from the floor.

"Hold please." Mia managed giggling herself and dropping the phone onto Issey's stomach.

"Baby I misssss you." Issey said.

"Wow you guys are wrecked." Chris grumbled.

"Yup. But I do miss you."

"I miss you too. I can't sleep."

"If I was there you wouldn't be sleeping."

"Oh no? What would I be doing instead, just for instance?"

"Checking for panty lines."

Mia lit another cigarette and laid on the sofa, her head over Issey's her hair falling a little into Issey's face. "Oh don't mind me, you two just go ahead."

"UUUHHH!" Issey made grabby hands at the ciggie and Mia handed her the one she'd just lit and dug for another.

"What the hell was that?" Chris wanted to know.

"Nothing, I'm just um, laying on the floor and Mia's hair was in my face."

"Should I be worried about you two?"

"You should be worried about the massive quantities of vomiting I'm likely to do tomorrow."

"This conversation just took the wrong turn."

"You want to go back to my panties?" she rolled on her side away from Mia and tried to whisper, but failed miserably.

"Ew." Mia grabbed her phone and dialed Darren who answered groggily. "Amuse me."

Darren sounded completely out of it. "Hello?"

"Hey, amuse me. My roommate is talking dirty to her boyfriend."

"Oh, um, yeah. Sorry I was sleeping. What time is it?"

"It's around 2:30 I think."

"What are you doing?" Darren was trying to get a sense of what was going on, he woke up in his bunk and knew Mia was on the phone but his sleepy brain put her in New York, not with Issey. "Why don't you just go to your own room?"

"I'm on the bus, Goober." Mia downed another shot, "And your other girlfriend and her new boyfriend are molesting each other via phone. You never have phone sex with me."

Darren attempted to sit up and slammed his head into the bunk above him. "Fuck! Ouch."

"Not an auspicious start, Babe."


	40. Chapter 40

(A/N: Thank you to Anna who helped me when I nearly scrapped this entire chapter and started over and who has been holding my hand behind the scenes for quite some time!)

"You want to go back to my panties?" she rolled on her side away from Mia and tried to whisper, but failed miserably.

"You'd better not be wearing any." His voice was almost a growl.

"No worries, I know the rules. I wish I were lying in bed with you right now."

"I wish I were kissing your jaw." She could hear him settling in, the sleepiness heavy in his words.

"I want to feel the muscles in your back move when you're on top of me." That ought to wake him up a little.

There was at least an octave rise to his voice, "Are we really doing this?"

Issey closed her eyes tight, pushing away the images of Darren she'd allowed to invade her mind while she'd talked to Mia, Chris's voice was washing over her and reminding her of all the things she was when she was with him.

"Chris?"

"Honey?"

"We're checking in to the hotel pretty early tomorrow, can we snuggle in bed before we have to go to work?" Her words were slurring more that she would have liked and she was veering dangerously close to a baby voice but she didn't care at all. She could hear Mia talking to Darren and needed desperately to push the thought of them as a couple out of her head.

"Yes, we can. I really hate this." Chris sighed as if the world was on his shoulders.

"Me too."

His voice was partially obscured by the pillow he was nuzzling into, one she'd laid her head on only hours ago, "I miss the way you smell."

"I miss the way you taste." She licked her lips but winced at the taste of the cigarette.

"Mmm…I miss your soft skin pressed against me."

"Even though I drown you?" the smile in her voice was evident.

"I even miss the wet pillow. It must be love."

"Must be. I wish you weren't in a bunk bed with a boatload of people around you right now."

"Why's that?" his voice was sultry, he knew why.

"I bet you'd sleep better if you could get off. I could help with that."

"Already jerked off twice, doesn't help, not the same. You're so tight and like velvet inside."

Issey's phone beeped with a text. "Hang on love, give me a second." She checked the text.

Chord: Hey it's Darren. I hijacked Chord's phone. Please stop this now. I can hear you through Mia's phone and Kurt whispering in his bunk. I can't listen to this. I'm sorry. Just please stop."

She shook her head and went back to Chris. "Sorry about that. Listen, I'll make the wait up to you at the hotel, I feel bad for Mia, she's sitting right here."

"She's talking to Darren, I can hear him…wait, he just took Chord's phone, did he text you?"

She was stuck. She didn't want to lie to him but it seemed dangerous to tell the truth. "Yeah, told me to knock it off so Mia would let him go back to sleep."

"How's that going anyway?"

"Weird but good I guess" All she could do was picture Darren in his bunk, probably in a tank top and boxers, trying to keep a conversation with Mia while he hopped out, padded barefoot to Chord's stuff, grabbed his phone to text her in the darkness and then climbed back into his bunk. It had to be awful hearing this. If she were hearing him and Mia have this conversation she'd be in tears by now. She had to change the mood. "I'm serious about how much I'm going to puke tomorrow."

Chris sounded much more awake. "You're drinking a lot lately. Is that something we should talk about?"

Her alcohol soaked brain had no chance of keeping up with this abrupt change of tone. "I don't think so; do you think it's a problem?"

"Maybe not, I just don't want you to be unhappy."

Issey hated herself for thinking of Darren when Chris loved her so much. It felt like he could read her mind and she had to fix it. "Chris, honey I'm happy. You make me happy. I promise."

His voice was slightly flat. "Okay, I'm gonna go so you can text Darren back and go back to Mia. I'll see you in the morning, and you'd better shower first because I know you're smoking right now and I don't want to smell that on you."

She sat up fast, caught, "Wait! How did you know that?"

"I can hear when you take a drag. I wish you wouldn't try to hide things from me, it makes it worse." The guilt of her Darren thoughts twisted in her stomach, it was like he was confirming her worst fear, he KNEW when she closed her eyes it was Darren's kisses she felt, tasted, missed. "Tell me it's just a cigarette."

She rolled her head on her shoulders trying to get control of her thoughts. It was just the smoking, there was no hidden meaning in his words, and she was just being paranoid. "Of course it's just a cigarette; I know it's awful, I'm sorry. Do you want me to stop?"

"It's up to you."

That was not the answer she was looking for. She'd expected him to give a command, or at least, she'd been hoping. "Honey, are you upset?"

"No, it's fine. I'm gonna go." Not it was Chris who sounded slightly childish.

Her body went cold , her mind reeled, Darren was forgotten, "You are, you're upset. What happened? What did I say?"

"We'll talk tomorrow when you're sober." Chris may have said it with a softness but to her ears it was an accusation.

"Chris!" She was yelling now. "Don't do that! Please, what's wrong?"

Two of the dancers and Zach came behind the partition to see what was going on. Mia was petting her hair and telling her to 'shh'. Only problem was she was three sheets to the wind so the petting was more like repeatedly hitting Issey in the head, causing her to tip forward a little more each time until Issey was in danger of face planting onto the carpet and Mia of tumbling off of the sofa onto her.

Zach took the vodka bottle out of the room and returned with air freshener to clear away the smoke smell. He was trying to convince the girls to turn in but Issey was far too upset. She wouldn't give up the phone.

"Issey it's really okay, why don't you get some sleep." Chris now took on the tone of a patient parent convincing a toddler to just lie down in her crib. "We'll cuddle in the morning and everything will be okay."

She turned away from Zach as he made a grab for her phone. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you."

It wasn't good enough; there was no feeling behind his words. She needed more. "Promise me?"

"I swear it on my life."

"I don't want to hang up. Zach wants me to go to sleep but I want to hear you breathing."

"Listen to Zach, he's right."

She let her head drop heavily, chin to her chest. "Fine. Good night." She hung up without another word but her phone rang in her hand just a second later.

"No more smoking. Or drinking. You can keep talking to Mia if you want but no texting Darren tonight. No calling him either."

She bit the inside of her lip, pouting. She had wanted him to tell her to stop smoking, to prove he cared but she didn't like being told she couldn't talk to Darren. "You don't trust me."

"Not this drunk I don't, no."

It was a pretty big blow, but the worst part was how right he was. "Whatever. I'm going to lay down."

"Let me talk to Zach." Chris's voice was all business.

"Oh my God, I'm in trouble now." She handed the phone to Zach, "He wants you."

She and Mia listened as Zach laughed into the phone and then nodded. "Yeah, really gone. No, I'll keep an eye on them, it's gonna be a long night, you sure you don't want me to stop the buses and let you…good call…okay, but you owe me man. Okay, here ya go."

He handed the phone back to Issey and disappeared from the room. She went back to Chris, "What was all of that?"

"I asked him to stay with the two of you and make sure you didn't choke to death on puke."

"You could have come and stayed with me."

"I don't think that would promote sleep at this point. Will you lay down now?"

"Yes okay. You're mad at me though aren't you?" her voice was sleepy. The appeal of lying down was dawning on her.

"No, I'm not mad, just a little worried about you. Take an aspirin, drink some water and close your eyes and try to think about how soon we'll be together in a big fluffy hotel bed."

"Okay, you too though, try to sleep."

They exchanged 'I love you's' one more time and disconnected. Zach had already returned with a blanket and pillow, settling in to play ladysitter for the evening.

Mia smiled sadly at Issey, "Hard to be away from them."

Issey nodded, "He's a good snuggle buddy, you know how it is."

Mia jutted her chin as direction for Issey to slide over on the floor. She lay beside the couch, on her side facing Issey, "C'mon. We should sleep this off."

Zach threw them pillows from the couch and Is lay on her side, the little spoon to Mia's big one.

"I hate that he was texting you when he was talking to me." Mia observed. It wasn't anything more than a simple statement and to punctuate the fact that she placed no blame with Issey she wrapped her arm around the other girl's waist.

"You knew?"

"I told you, I know him better than he knows himself. If I have to lose him someday though, I hope it's to someone like you, someone who is real and kind and loves him with all they are."

Issey took Mia's hand. "I hope if it isn't Darren whoever you end up with puts you first in everything they do. You deserve that for being such on open, honest person."

They drifted off to sleep and despite Zach's worries they both made it through until morning without any bodily fluids escaping.


	41. Chapter 41

It was a long night for Issey. She kept waking up from dreams where she was being tugged at, pulled in opposite directions and followed by sweet little girls asking her if she needed help but when she tried to  
>explain her predicament they turned into snakes that would attack her feet. She woke for the day with a headache and covered in sweat. <p>

She stayed on the floor, afraid to wake Mia with moving, and afraid too much movement would cause mayhem with her stomach but she managed to turn on her phone and reread Darren's message. She needed him to stop. This whole thing would be so much easier if he'd just at least pretend to not have feelings for her so she could pretend she didn't have feelings for him. Eventually it would all go away. Wouldn't it?

Except she wanted to text him back. She felt bad for not answering him and worse for hurting him. A small part of her hoped Mia would break their pact and tell him the things she'd said last night so he'd  
>fight for her. It was a relief when everyone started waking for the day and she could see the hotel up ahead. She had a mouth like an ashtray and her head felt like it was full of bees but soon she would be off this bus and wrapped in Chris's arms where everything made sense and she didn't have to think so much about right or wrong. <p>

She was like a zombie with blinders heading into the hotel, not wanting to see or speak to anyone, just get into her room and fall onto the bed face first. Unfortunately Darren was a perky morning person, and right behind her. 

"How's everyone's heads this morning?" he bounced up on this toes putting his arms around both her and Mia who had been walking beside Issey with her eyes pretty much closed from the sunlight, just feeling the way with the pack of people around her. Mia only grunted. She was used to obnoxious morning Darren, the worst part being that he was like this even if he'd been on a drunken tear  
>the previous night himself. <p>

Issey wasn't prepared for the volume. "Shhhh. People are dying. Have some respect." 

"Awww, poor baby. Have some breakfast, fix you right up." 

"No thanks. Going straight to my room to die a nice QUIET death." 

Mia stopped at the lobby restroom, telling them she'd meet them upstairs. One of the AD's had handed out room keys as they got off the buses meaning there would be blessed relief from standing in the cattle line at the desk. Chris was nowhere in sight so Issey got on the elevator with Darren, Lea, Naya, Cory and Chord. Cory asked about getting some time with her soon to work on Jessie's Girl. She'd  
>promised him she'd look into what kind of space they'd have at the theater and let him know as she texted Chris their room number. The AD would likely give him a key to share with another of the cast members and not realize he'd be sharing with Issey, or at least not want to assume. <p>

Walking to her room she realized she had a tail. Darren was behind her despite the fact that they'd passed the room numbered on his keycard. (Yeah, she looked, what about it?) 

"Are you lost?" She stopped in her tracks. 

The bounce was gone from his step and his eyes looked heavy, tired. His lashes were stupid long and when he looked down it they dared her to kiss his freckled cheekbones. "Very." He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a folded letter, meeting her gaze before he held it out to her. 

"I had stuff I had to say. You can read it or not, your choice, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to tell you." 

She just stood there staring at the paper in his hands. Life would be so much easier not knowing what was inside it no matter what it said. She could tell herself how he felt and make things better for herself  
>depending on her mood but only until she had the letter. Then it would be definitive. <p>

"Take it." 

Chris's voice made her jump. She felt caught despite having done nothing wrong. 

She looked at him and then back at Darren. "I don't want it." Hervoice was soft, sad. 

Darren put his hand down by his side but Chris swept past him removing it easily from his fingers and placing it in Issey's hands before she realized what was happening. "Take it." 

Darren started to say something to Chris, to explain, maybe apologize, Issey couldn't tell because Chris cut him off. "Don't borrow phones to send her texts so I won't know it's you. Don't try to sneak her  
>letters when I'm not with her for her to hide from me. It's disrespectful Darren and I won't have it." He put his arm around her waist and shoved their key card roughly into the slot on their door. As he walked in he turned back to share one last thought with Darren, "Everything you're doing right now makes you a grade A asshole. You're hurting her, you're hurting Mia and you're hurting me. I thought you<br>were better than that." He let the door shut behind them and missed Mia coming around the corner in time to hear his parting words.

"You didn't shower." 

"I didn't want to shower in the bus when I could do it here. I just need to lie down." 

"I'll be in my room." He started for the door. 

"What? Chris what the hell is going on? I thought we were going to relax together." 

"So did I. Let me know when you shower and change, I can't stand the smell of the smoke." 

"I'll do it now, just stay." She dropped Darren's letter in the trash can beside the desk then went to get her clothes. "And by the way, I don't lie to you and I don't hide things from you and I'm tired of you  
>implying that I do." She shut the bathroom door a little harder than necessary. <p>

She stood under the hot as possible spray of water with her head low and eyes closed. This was getting too difficult. It was easier to stay emotionally detached, spend her days alone and her nights working. She didn't want to be this needy person, always tied to someone else's desires and pain. She would take today and work, really give this show the attention she'd been letting slide in favor of finding a life of  
>her own. Tonight she'd sleep alone and tomorrow she'd tell Chris that she couldn't keep doing this. <p>

She heard him enter the bathroom. "I didn't say you would hide it from me, I said I didn't like him doing it in a way that would suggest you'd hide it from me." 

She laid her head against the tile. "Chris, I'd have told you about it, I wouldn't have even taken it if you hadn't made me." 

Suddenly too sick and tired to stand she sat on the floor of the tub and let her limbs splay before her. It was too much. She was still a little drunk, she was starting to feel nauseous and she wasn't used to  
>all of these emotions running the show. <p>

"Isabelle? Are you okay?" Chris stood next to the shower, worried at the shadow that seemed to simply slump to the ground. 

"No." There was no energy left to disguise it. Moving an inch from this spot was unimaginable; she might just stay here forever and let the world go on around her. 

The curtain opened and Chris sat at the edge of the tub. "C'mon out of there." He reached out and took her hand in his. 

She just shook her head no. 

"Don't make me come in there." 

"Chris just…don't." 

She was so defeated it broke his heart. He undressed and slipped into the tub behind her, wrapping himself around her. "Its okay, Honey, I'm sorry I got so heated but don't let him do this to us." 

"Stop. Stop blaming him. I know you're angry at me about last night, that's fine, be angry at me but leave him out of it. He's struggling, just like I am, just like we all are. I just don't want to be a part of his struggle. It's his problem now. How he feels or doesn't feel about me, I don't want to know. It doesn't matter anymore." 

They were quiet. His arms remained around her, his chin resting on her shoulder, the water raining down on them .A shaky breath escaped her, "Chris, I'm tired." 

"I know." 

"I'm not used to all of this. I can work 24 hours a day but this is something else." 

"I'm making it worse with my jealousy. I'm sorry. Just now though, when you said you're struggling, that we're all struggling, see, that's the thing. I'm NOT. I'm happy. The only struggle I have is  
>feeling like you're unhappy. I know I'm where I want to be but with the drinking and whatever it's like you're just trying to convince yourself to be happy with me."<br>She shut off the water and stood offering him a hand up. "I can't have this conversation in a tub." 

They dried off quickly. She pulled on a soft t-shirt he'd left near the door so he just grabbed underwear and followed her into the bedroom. The letter had been removed from the trash can and placed on  
>the desk. She picked it up and took it with her, setting it on the nightstand before climbing into bed.<br>He stood watching her for a second, not sure what she intended until she patted the bed next to her, "You promised me cuddles." 

You could see the relief, but also the doubt. He wasn't ready to drop this topic, but still he climbed in beside her and opened his arms to her. Issey snuggled in her nose against his collar bone. She gave them a minute to relax into each other, for their breathing to slow then she spoke. "I didn't want his letter because I don't want him in my head, I won't deny he's still in my heart. You need to know though that I  
>don't need convincing to be with you, at least, not you specifically, but this whole thing is exhausting. I'm used to being alone. I've been letting my work slide and you're right, smoking, drinking, none of that is me. I don't want to be confused anymore but I can't just shut how I feel about him off."<p>

She smoothed her hands over his shoulders and down his arms. He stopped her by taking her hand, his eyes were closed, "So you're saying you regret your choice, that you'd rather be alone."

"No. Chris," she touched his cheek prompting him to open his eyes, "I don't want to be alone, I want to be with you, I just want to get on with it. I want him to fade away; I want us to get on with our lives together. I never believed I could have both, my normal life and a love life, I'm still not sure I can but I want to try."

He caressed her back and kissed her. "I want you to read his letter. It's important to me, after that you can do what you want, I'll stay out of it."

"Why? Why is this so important to you?"

"Honey, I don't know why you love me, I don't know why you chose me but I feel like I'm walking around waiting for Darren to find some magic words that win you back. I can't have that hanging over me anymore. Read the letter. Find out what he feels; make sure it doesn't change things because I don't want you to wake up some day with regrets. I don't want you always wondering what he might have said. Read the letter and if you want to talk to him about it then do it. I don't ever want to know what it says, what happens between the two of you at that point. I just want to know if you're staying, going or want to just be alone. Whatever your choice I'll respect it."

They were quiet for a while again. Chris thought she might have fallen asleep when she spoke again, "I haven't had a best friend since high school. When I say I'm used to being alone I don't think you get exactly how alone I mean. I work as much as I do because when I'm home I have to face the depressing reality that I have no one to call, no one to say, 'hey, guess what I've got a few days off, let's catch up.' Meeting you was a revelation because I'd forgotten what it was like to have someone who fit that description, best friend. That you happened to also be super-hot was kind of a bummer because even though I was having feelings for Darren I really wanted to get you naked. When both of those things came together I realized I'd be lucky to be this happy for another week let alone the rest of my life and decided to not run away scared. I'm ready to let Darren go, that's why I don't want to read what he has to say. I'm not struggling as much with letting him go as I am with a balance of wanting to be with you every second and wanting to preserve who I was before. If I didn't have Mia with me last night I would have insisted on spending the night listening to you breathe. I need to not do that, I need to work at night, concentrate on doing what I do and then making time for us. I'm probably explaining it wrong. "

"You're fine. I get it. I've been letting my writing slide and I have a deadline that I can't miss. This is so new it's hard to focus on anything else but we'll have to just be more diligent."

They kissed a little longer then she sighed, "Okay, go away for a while. I'll read it."

She hoped she did a better job of masking the fear in her eyes than he did his. When he'd kissed her again, pulled on clothes and left her to it.


	42. Chapter 42

I am a happy person. I was happy before we met, and I'm happy now. I have a great group of friends and a loving family. I have been involved with a woman I love for years and have never wanted for anything more in my personal life. Traveling the world, meeting people from every imaginable background and lifestyle I have always found a way to connect to the people around me.

I won't say I've never experienced a lonely moment, everyone has.

I can talk to anyone, enjoy spending time with anyone, laugh and cry with anyone. I have loved, honestly, deeply loved and I believe I have been loved in return.

What I never realized, until recently, was that I was incomplete. I never felt the absence of my other half until I found you.

I can still laugh. I can still connect, I can even still fall in love.

But I can never be complete. I can never feel wholly understood and a part of another person, not without you.

I don't need you. I can go on and live a happy, healthy, productive life even if I never see you again.

But I crave you. I want you. I will eternally feel that piece of me missing.

I used to walk into a room and take it for what it was a room full of people, some I knew, some I didn't. I would see friends, people I loved and my heart would be lifted.

Now I know what it is to walk into a room and see my soul mate. To feel that a piece of me is across the room and no matter what we are doing there is a connection between us, we are halves of the same entity.

Forever I will walk into a room and search for you, and no matter how joyful I may be to find all of the friends, family and lovers I have, I will never not feel the emptiness of my other half.

You belong to me. I belong to you. Before Abelard fell for Heloise you and I were one. I have faith that we will always be one, whether occupy the same space or not.


	43. Chapter 43

Issey: RU alone?

Darren: no, but I can be.

Issey: …

Less than 2 minutes later:

Darren: alone

She barely had time to knock when the door opened. She launched herself into his arms sending him reeling backward so he nearly lost his balance. He righted himself before they hit the ground and locked his arms around her.

They kissed without words, his shock evident in the lack of technique. Normally Darren kissed with finesse, teasing, tasting, building intensity but this time their teeth crashed together, they missed each others mouths entirely once or twice. Issey and Darren devoured each other frantically as if the hotel was on fire and this would be their last moment alive. She turned away from him briefly and locked the safety latch on the hotel door preventing even someone with a key from entering.

A brief questioning flicker crossed his hazel eyes before full blown lust took over. Lifting her he had her on the bed within seconds. Darren's lips were fever hot on her jaw as he lowered himself beside her. She reached for him, desperate to feel his body pressed against hers, to lose herself in him and most of all to surrender, finally, to this desperate clawing want inside of her.

A breathy "Oh" escaped her when his hand cupped her cheek and he regained his composer enough to kiss her the way she remembered. Beyond that there would be no discussion now, just the call and response of two carnal halves of the same frantic whole. Darren's fingers traced the swirling patterns of her blouse, a silky peasant thing she'd chosen before heading to his room specifically because she knew the texture would be pleasing to him.

It was part of the draw of him that things like texture mattered. Most men wouldn't notice if a woman's blouse was the softest silk or made of burlap as long as they could get underneath it but Darren was a man who appreciated entire experiences. He wanted to smell, touch, taste, he noticed and never forgot what kisses and caresses elicited moans, whines and what made her stop breathing. This attention to detail was not solely in action during these romantic moments. He paid attention to the face she made right after sipping her morning coffee and knew that 3 sugars would get a blissful relaxing of her shoulders and bring a smile to her eyes, but two would get a bitter grimace.

She was not so delicate. She grabbed at the fabric of his t-shirt, fisting it up and away from his flesh. He laughed a little at her and peeled it off, throwing it away from the bed. She made to send hers to the same fate but he stopped her hands, dipping his mouth to the two inch strip of exposed skin. Her hands went to what was left of his curls after the Glee folks got him into his Blaine mode. He lifted and kissed his way higher, making her writhe beneath him. When her shirt finally found its way to the floor he sat back and she followed into his arms.

Lifting her onto his lap his hands were warm at her sides while they shared a deep kiss, less hurried now. It was as if they realized at the same moment that this was their future, they could relax and linger in each sensation. Issey went for his chest hair, she'd missed this so much, gently tugging, scratching and occasionally adding a flick of a nipple. Darren moved from her hips up her sides, loving the soft curve of her body, allowing his palms to graze the swell of her breasts. When he reached around, massaging into the small of her back then skimming up her spine he felt the handcuffs necklace Chris had placed there.

Issey froze when his fingers curled around it, trying to make sense of it without seeing its shape. Darren smiled a little sadly then brushed the hair from her shoulder and kissed it tenderly. She gave in to the feeling and let the moment pass, allowing him to ease her back against the pillows.

Her fingers found the button of his jeans, he shed them immediately. Their breathing was rapid and shallow, when he looked at her she'd nearly bit through her lip with anticipation. Sliding her soft capris down her hips he was amused to find her without panties.

Darren kissed her hip, her abdomen, his hands exploring her thighs, tickling lightly behind her knees and at last he lay between them and pressed into her. There was no panic this time, no awkward internal struggle. Her mind reeled instead with the feeling of being home, of finally finding something she had been searching for forever and didn't know was possible. They kissed as they found a rhythm that worked for them, her arching up into him, meeting him thrust for thrust. She delighted at the shiver running through his shoulders when she clenched around him. The sounds of their bodies together, the look in his eyes, even the curve of his lips, parted as he panted his need into her ear all came together to make her wetter than she'd ever been.

Issey tongued at his goosefleshed skin tasting the mix of salt and sweat, she was drunk on his scent of pure masculinity enveloping her. He came sooner than he'd intended but she was just so perfect around him he couldn't hold back. "I love you." He breathed it into her hair. She whispered it back as she unraveled around him.

Her head pinned his bicep to the pillow as they dozed in the afterglow. When they'd recovered enough to speak they turned into each other, smiles lit from the inside out.

"So you read the letter." He wasn't gloating, just looking for reassurance.

"It was everything I've felt too."

He stroked his fingers down her back and tugged lightly at the necklace charm that hung there. "I feel bad for him, he's so afraid of losing you."

"That's not what that is."

"No? He marks you, puts a tie at your throat and cuffs behind your back, looks to me like someone who is trying to do all he can to control you so you won't leave."

If there had been a hint of anger or accusation in Darren's voice she would have shut him down but he just sounded sad, as if he genuinely felt bad for Chris.

"It's not about exercising control over me; it's about my willingness to allow him to do these things. It lets him know I'm his, I'm not interested in going anywhere."

"Yet here you are. Mine." He lifted his eyebrows then continued, punctuating his point with kisses where he was slipping the chain away from her neck. "Forever mine."

She kissed him before laying her head on his shoulder, "I'm not leaving him."

He played his fingers through her hair, "No?"

"You ready to leave Mia?"

"She left me, this morning. She said she felt like the end was in the air and she knew I texted you last night. She was crying but said she'd rather walk away now than stay and know you and I were biding our time before we were together."

"What did you say?"

"I kissed her goodbye. There wasn't anything I could say. I was going to tell her it was over before she left tonight anyway. Listening to you and Chris last night I realized that I love Mia but how I feel about you is beyond just love, it's more than this lifetime. I know it sounds trite and like some hippy bullshit but I know we've been together for lifetimes and we'll continue to be together for lifetimes to come."

"If someone had told me that before I met you I'd have told them they were telling themselves stories to make their lives seem more romantic but now…I almost remember us together in past lives, isn't that bizarre?"

"Completely, but I know exactly what you mean. So if that's true, why are you staying with him?"

"You don't need me. I've told you before that being needed is one of my main things. Chris needs me badly right now. He's only now figuring out who he is, emotionally, sexually, I'm a safe place for him to experiment, stretch and learn what works for him and what doesn't. He loves me, but I know he isn't in love with me. He knows as well as I do that we aren't forever, but I need to stick with him a little longer, to let him realize that I'm not what he wants and let him be the one to move on."

"You think he will?"

"I do. Can you give me time to do that? You know we'll be together forever you and I, can you, knowing now that I'm truly yours and we belong to each other, can you step back and let me be there for him?"

"You're an amazing person you know that?"

"So are you."

"My hands are tied here, saying no would be useless, you know I belong to you, I'm at your mercy."

"You can tell me you'd rather I didn't. I'd hate leaving him before he's ready but if it was really that hard for you I'd do it."

"Can I ask two things?"

"You can ask whatever you want."

"This is it. After this there are no more friends you need to save, we're together, you and I. No one else, ever. No deals about sleeping with other people, no innocent kisses with people who need a little pick up, you are mine, I am yours the end."

"Sounds like heaven."

"Number two. I can wait, I can let you go be with him and help him figure out who and what he wants but I need to see you privately. I know it seems like cheating on him and it's probably a terrible thing to ask of you but I can't know that I can't hold you or kiss you at all."

"You understand this means I'm going to continue to sleep with him for now."

"I'm trying not to think about it."

"I don't want to feel like I'm cheating on you. I need to know you're not going to throw this back in my face or act like you didn't know the full effect of what you were agreeing to in the future."

"You like fucking him, I get it."

"See? You're getting angry. I'm not lying to you and I won't bring up again that you never told me about Mia but you can't get mad or jealous about the Chris situation. It is what it is and if you're going to get snippy about it then I'll end it with him today."

"I can't pretend I love that you're doing this. It doesn't help that you couldn't sleep with me until after you slept with him."

"I couldn't risk giving myself to you and then losing you, you meant too much to me."

This earned her another lingering kiss, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know that now, and I promise you Darren, I'm yours forever, but I just feel like I can help him."

"So you're okay with still seeing me secretly."

"I don't know how I'd go on if I couldn't."

"What are you going to tell him about the letter?"

"He doesn't want to know. I might let him know about this afternoon though. He's going to know I had some reaction to reading the letter."

"He's going to punch the shit outta me."

"I'm worth it." She grinned at him.

"Mostly." He countered.


	44. Chapter 44

Issey didn't return to her room. She showered in Darren's hotel room then, feeling the full affects of both the previous evening and the activities of the day she decided to do what she knew best, work.

In the cab on her way to the arena she tapped away at her laptop, determined to move forward as quickly as possible with an inspiration she'd had in the shower. After making the most expensive impulse buy of her life she checked her email and found 16 from her manager and 12 from Ryan, all asking the same question. Where would she be after this tour?

"If I knew the answer to that I'd feel way less like puking." She thought to herself, deleting the emails without bothering to reply.

Arriving at the arena it was clear this would be a decent place to get a lot of work done. There was an excellent "noise" room where she could work with the group and with individuals and there was even good space for Zach to touch up dance stuff if he didn't want to get everyone on stage. She texted him to see if he'd seen the space and he texted back with disbelief that she was even upright after the night before.

Issey: Do not try this at home. This stunt performed by a professional on a closed course.

Zach: You were no pro last night. I was scared we were gonna have to find an er

Issey: Sorry about that. Hate that you had to get involved but no worries, I'm getting things sorted soon.

Zach: ?

Issey: You'll see.

With that she sent Cory a message asking him to come by as soon as possible and pulled the tape of him from the previous few shows to see what she could work on with him.

When he arrived Cory was smiling apologetically, "Sorry about this I didn't know if I was supposed to wait for you to pull me in or if I was supposed to ask you for time or what."

"No, I should apologize, I've been…distracted lately, I should have had you in here before now."

She got him into position near the piano and then asked how frequently he listened to himself on tape. The answer was exactly as she'd expected.

"I try not to. I'm not so much a singer. It makes me cringe every time I hear myself."

He had to admit he'd grown leaps and bounds since joining the cast but still felt he wasn't up to the level of the others. She had him listen to his stage stuff then asked him who he'd like to sound more like. He chose Mark so they pulled Mark's live songs and listened. While listening she encouraged Cory to note the differences and the similarities.

Cory admitted that his voice could be as powerful as Mark's and he could keep the beat just as well thanks to his drumming but he didn't hold his notes as well and sometimes had problems finding his pitch.

Easily worked on issues Issey assured him and went to work. Getting air and figuring out where each note should resonate were the keys to getting this right. It all started with breath control and though he'd heard "breathe from your diaphragm" countless times from the Anders Brothers he had always thought it meant breathe from deep down as you can. He expanded his lungs and stood up to full height.

Issey shook her head and stood. It was time to get a little hands on with Cory.

Two hours later he was able to get through scales breathing the way she'd like. He still hadn't gotten to learning where to focus the air to perfect his pitch but she was so happy with his intake of air she'd take it as a win for the day. Settling her mind on work felt so good she'd nearly forgotten her hang over and the drama she had waiting for her in her personal life.

His stomach rumbled louder than the piano tipping her off to the fact that family dinner had probably started. Food was the furthest thing from her mind but she knew she'd missed sound check and should get upstairs to at least talk to Zach about whether the board would need any special attention for the show. On the walk to dinner Issey told Corey she'd like to work with him and Lea together the next day. She had heard some things in the show opening song that needed a little finessing.

Zach was eating with Diana, Chord and Kevin. Unlike most halls that had long benches where everyone ate very much together this particular arena had small round tables that sat about 4 comfortably. Not wanting to intrude Issey stopped at the table and let Zach know she'd like to talk before show time then caught sight of Chris, eating alone, his laptop open in front of him.

She knew Darren was in the room, had seen him out of the corner of her eye when she walked in but her focus now was completely on Chris. He was lost in whatever was on his screen, his gaze intense, food forgotten. Suddenly he sprang into action typing furiously his lips curled into a satisfied smile.

Issey pulled an orange plastic chair up next to his and shivered a little. "It's freezing in here."

He looked at her without really seeing her. "Huh?"

"It's cold in here."

"Oh. I don't know, I've got on 40 layers of clothes" He went back to the computer his fingers striking keys quickly then backspacing making the letters disappear from the virtual page immediately.

"Sounds like 40 layers too many. Hey. Can you look at me?"

He turned now, coming out of his writing trance, his blue eyes registering his surroundings, and then his body moved in on itself slightly as the weight of the letter and her reaction to it (still unknown to him) settled back into his bones.

"I made a decision today." She began.

He stood, closing his laptop. "I don't want to talk about this here."

She began to explain that she wasn't talking about the note, or even their relationship but he only raised his eyebrows in the direction of their colleagues at the other tables, none of whom were even remotely interested in their food, but instead watching them.

She gave in and walked with him. They found themselves in the empty concert hall and sat on the ramp their legs stretched before them.

"I bought a bus." There was triumph in her voice.

"Of all the things I expected you to say right now that was…you bought a bus. I'm having Nick at Nite flashbacks. You want to start having kids and be the Partridge Family?"

"Not the worst idea Colfer, but no. I realized that I like to work on the road, but that I need space. I live on the road most of the year so why not buy my own bus, have my own driver, and get a working space and living space where I feel at home that travels with me. I wouldn't have to share with the group, I could work all night and not disturb anyone and I'd feel much less like I was always just visiting someone else's world. Chris, I can't believe I've never thought of this before!" Her words were tripping over each other she was so excited.

He wiggled his leg, watching his boot. "So that's a good thing. You can get some time away from everyone."

"You can write all night and not have to worry about what else is going on, I can work in headsets so I don't disturb you, or we can stay up watching movies all night and not have to worry about anyone else on the bus. This is going to be perfect!"

Chris perked up a little at his inclusion in this fantasy. "So you did this, today?"

She took his hand in hers, not enjoying the physical wall that had seemed to settle between them since the letter arrived in their lives. "I did it online. I searched through the buses from companies I've used before, found one that could be customized if I bought it new and bought it online. I had to call of course and let them know I was real and give them a few details they weren't prepared for but they promised I'd have it in a little over a week. That's super fast but I think it's just a matter of putting things in the way I want them, like it's all prefab or whatever you'd call it for a bus. BABE! I'm so excited!"

He couldn't help but laugh. This was the lightest he'd seen her mood in a long time. She seemed at ease and unconcerned about the rest of what had gone on today. Maybe the letter didn't spell their doom after all. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, "I'm very happy that you're so happy Love."

She felt bad kissing him, knowing what she did about the afternoon, but she hadn't wanted to talk about that until after the concert. The worry knotted itself in her stomach. She hadn't lied to him and looking at him now knew she never wanted to. Issey sat back and sighed.

"You told me you didn't want to know what happened after I read the letter but I feel like you should know. I'm going to ask you one time, if you want to know I'll tell you, everything, if you don't want to know then I can't have you thinking about it or worrying about it."

Chris considered this for a moment. "Do you love me?"

"Maybe more than ever."

"Are you going back to him?"

"I don't know. The future is out there Chris. I only know what I want today."

"Did you make PLANS to go back to him?" He kept their fingers laced together and stroked his thumb across her knuckles gently.

"I…please either let me tell you all of it or none of it, knowing it in pieces will not be enough."

He swallowed, his voice soft, "I don't want to know it all. I know how you look at him and that's painful enough."

She couldn't meet his eye. "I'm going to be honest with you, you wouldn't like what happened today but I hate not telling you. I feel like keeping this to myself sets us up for having the relationship Darren and Mia had and I don't want that. I love you too much to keep things from you on a technicality. I want you to know everything so you can choose to love all of me, or choose to walk away from me. I can't let you love only the good parts and hide from the bad."

"Darren and Mia had?"

"She broke up with him this morning."

"After talking to you all night."

"I think it was more after knowing that he texted me last night and hearing you scream at him about the letter this morning, but yeah, she left because she thinks he wants to be with me."

"Which he does."

"Yes."

"Okay, tell me everything."

Only as he said it her phone rang. Zach was ready to go over the notes from sound check and Chris was needed in hair and makeup.

"After the show tonight. And I have to talk to Darren too, but please don't let any of this worry you. You're gonna be mad at me probably, but just please stick with me until you hear everything because I promise I love you."

Chris looked deep into her eyes for what felt like a long time then stood and offered her his hand. "We're going get through this. Whatever happened today its okay. We'll deal with it. I'm not going to worry about us anymore. We're good."

"I still need to talk to you about it." She leaned into him when he put his arm around her to go meet the others.

"We'll talk tonight, I won't write, you won't work, we'll just get out whatever we each need to say and when we wake up tomorrow morning everything will be fine."

She kissed him to make it a promise and went to find Zach.


	45. Chapter 45

Zach had limited notes from the sound check, just a few things she should watch for when sitting at the board that night. Most of the concerns didn't pop up until after the Warbler's entrance so she decided to hang back and sit out the beginning of the show backstage.

When everyone but Darren and the Warblers went on to start the show she texted Darren and asked him to meet her in the room they'd set up as an office. He came in with a grin, expecting her to be looking for a quick make out session before the show but the look on her face stopped him in his tracks.

"Did you tell Chris what happened?"

"Not yet, but I will tonight. I think he knows anyway. Look, I was wrong this afternoon. Telling you I was staying with him because he needs me and you don't…"

"I was thinking about that too," he crossed the room and cupped her chin in his hand. "I do need you. I didn't want to say it because I know you always want to take care of everyone and I wanted you to know that you don't have to take care of me." He sat next to her now on the small sofa and took her hand, caressing the inside of her arm gently, "I want to be your safe place, the place you can let go of all of that and just be you, not superwoman. I thought in order for you to relax into that I would have to be strong for you, not let you know how much I need you." He took a moment, blinking his huge eyes slowly then, his voice breaking just a little, "But I do. I don't want to go back to not having you in my life. I can't pretend to not be hurt when you hold his hand or disappear off behind a closed door with him."

The room they were in was dark and chilly. She hugged herself against the cool air and took a minute to find her center. When she closed her eyes though she saw Chris, offering his hand and telling her they were going to be okay.

"You want me because you hurt when you see me with someone else. That sounds like a little kid who wants his toy back because someone else is playing with it."

"I never gave you away. You made that decision." There was an edge to his voice.

She pulled her hand away and sat back. "We BOTH made that decision after I found out you had a girlfriend."

"Which you promised not to bring up again."

She sighed. "I love Chris. I can't do this with you. It's not just that he needs me. It's not that I want to help him take off his training wheels so to speak, I love him. I want him. I want to be with him and here's the crazy part, I'm HAPPY when I'm with him. I don't cry. We're honest with each other. I don't know why but I can tell him things I can't tell you."

"You can tell me anything."

"No. I can't. Or, I suppose I can, but you can't relate to them. You've always been this…this. You said it yourself, you're happy, you've got friends, and family you've always been the guy everyone wanted to be around." She closed her eyes again, taking a breath, "I'm getting off track because really, none of it matters. There are a million reasons and no reasons other than this: I'm in love with Chris. I'm going to do whatever I can to make things work with him if he'll still have me after I tell him about today. I want to still be able to work with you; I can't be friends with you, not now anyway. No more letters, no more texts or phone calls. I know how you feel, you told me, but I think you're romanticizing us because you're used to living in this Disney Prince world of yours."

"Kiss me once more, just once and if you can say that you love him more then I'll walk away for now."

"No, it wouldn't be fair to Chris but even more because I have no desire to kiss you. I can't decide whether you're a hopeless romantic or a manipulative asshole but I know I'm done."

"I'm probably both but I still believe we were meant for each other, and if things don't work with him I'll be here for you. I'm not giving up on us."

"I'm asking you to."

"I'll leave you alone, but I'll still be waiting."

"You should go after Mia, she loves you and she's a wonderful girl."

"I'd just be hurting her, and in the long run you're hurting Chris. I believe in us."

She shook her head and left the room.

There was clarity inside her now, she felt no tug back toward Darren, she knew there was a chance she'd lose Chris when she told him what had happened but it would be better to be honest and alone than to keep him and build a relationship on a lie.

She decided that in addition to working on Don't Stop Believing with Cory and Lea there was a lot of work to be done with Kevin on Safety Dance. Even the track, which she regretted not staying to supervise, wasn't up to par. It would have to be rerecorded. She felt as if she were hearing the show for the first time and had finally snapped fully into work mode.

After the show she and Chris went to their room, showered and got into comfy pajamas. Chris ordered mac & cheese for himself and grilled cheese for her from room service. She was finally ready for food.

Settling in the middle of their bed, food and hot chocolate nearby, Issey switched the tv on and fixed it on the nature channel. "These walls are never as thick as you'd hope and this conversation has the possibility of getting loud and personal."

Chris agreed and so she began. "I'm not going to read Darren's letter to you, I don't think there's a need. The jist was that he believes that he and I belong together. That we were meant for each other and are two halves of the same whole. Basically the letter said all the things that I felt and had said to Mia the night before. It was mind blowing how much we felt the same. So I went to him and I slept with him."

Chris swallowed a much too hot mouthful of hot chocolate and fanned his mouth for a minute before responding. "I gathered there was sex from the whole, you're not going to be happy thing. I take it this time you didn't have to stop him."

"No, I didn't and it was, oddly comforting. It felt like all the things he'd said in the letter were true."

"So far you're right, not loving this." He pursed his lips and she stole a kiss. He let her and that gave her the courage to continue.

"So after we talked and he asked me to be with him and I told him I was staying with you." Here she paused and looked at him with worried eyes.

"Somehow I thought the worst of this was over but it isn't is it?"

"Not really. Just please, remember what I asked, and hear me out to the end."

"Go on." He said warily.

"I told him I was staying with you because you need me, because I knew it was a matter of time before you leave me for someone else but that for now you're just getting confidence about being in a relationship. I told him I'd rather see him behind your back and wait out you leaving on your own."

Chris moved his food to the night stand, his appetite gone. "So I'm a charity case. Poor Chris can't find anyone on his own so I have to pretend to be with him."

Issey set her food aside as well and turned to him, tilting his head up to look at her, "I have no idea why I said it. Maybe I was still drunk, maybe I believed it when I said it. I don't know. After though, when bought the bus because for some reason it seemed like the only thing that would make me feel better, I realized I was buying that bus for us. Darren didn't fit into the equation at all. I couldn't wait to tell you that we wouldn't have to spend another night apart."

"I'm guessing from the fact that you bought this bus you're going to say no to Ryan's offer."

"I'm taking him up on it. I want to be wherever you are, but this is my career. There will be tours after Glee, there will be hiatus' tours and it's a business expense so it doesn't even matter. I can even rent it out to other tour managers or coaches or whatever if I find I don't need it for an extended time. I like having a place where I know we can be together on the road and we don't have to sleep apart. I hate sleeping away from you."

"Is I'm scared that you want whoever is in front of you in the moment. Are you sure you don't want this bus to stop yourself from having time to think about him? So you can be with me all the time and not have time to miss him?"

She shook her head, "I don't need time. After our talk today I went to talk to Darren while you were on stage. I told him in no uncertain terms that I'm over him, and I meant it. Maybe I just needed to finish what I started with him to know that it wasn't what I wanted."

"You've told him that before."

"No. Before I told him I loved him but I chose you. He asked me to kiss him last time and I did and I melted. My heart ached for all I was giving up because it hurt just to look at him. This time I told him that I didn't want to be with him, that I thought he might be in love with me or he might just be an asshole but that either way I didn't want him anymore."

"And did you kiss him again to be sure?"

"He asked me to. I couldn't. Not because I was afraid of what I'd feel but because I didn't want him, didn't want him close to me, I knew what I wanted at last. If you'll have me after all the mistakes I've made up until now, what I want, all I want, is you."

The End

(A/N: Thank you all so much for reading this and sticking with me through all the ups, downs and long hiatus'. A special thank you to those of you who reviewed extensively and those of you who threatened to keep me in a room until I got the next chapter out. Issey has learned how it feels to really want something so it was time to end this story, but getting what you want isnt always what its cracked up to be. Watch this space for the next story in this series "What it means to have".)


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